Page 2 | To be mad at husband messaging another woman?

Mumof3andlab · 2023-05-06T05:35:59+00:00

Hello, so I just wondered if I am being unreasonable to be mad at DH. My DH is usually quite shy, hates small talk with strangers but the last month or so he’s mentioned this woman, who he keeps bumping into on the dog walk. He said she is friendly but he finds it really awkward. Tonight I find out she asked to give him her number and he messaged her, chat was all PG but he didn’t tell me about it and clearly didn’t want me to know. I also did not see any mention of a wife in his messages so whilst he says it was just a ‘normal conversation’ I said you are giving her the impression that you might be into her, rather than declining her number and saying sorry he is married. He has never messaged anyone else before, never cheated, been together 10 years. Of course he thinks I’m over reacting. AIBU??

SweetSakura · 06/05/2023 08:37

Definitely time to join him for a few dog walks

blackbeardsballsack · 06/05/2023 08:40

What the fuck? She obviously thinks that she's met a nice man and they've progressed to texting and so they'll soon be arranging a date. It's obvious to him that this is what she thinks too. It's laughable that he's acting all dim and innocent, he knows exactly what he's doing. Shy, my arse.

determinedtomakethiswork · 06/05/2023 08:41

Does he wear a wedding ring? If he doesn't then I think he is giving the impression he is single.

Original poster

Mumof3andlab · 06/05/2023 10:03

Thank you for all your messages.

So I find out because I fell asleep putting my toddler to sleep and when I woke up, went on my phone for a bit, Friday nights he plays fifa (champions games or whatever) every week without fail. I didn’t hear him which was strange so I looked on the living room camera (we have cameras to check in with the dog) to see if he had fallen asleep but he was sat with fifa on not playing, smiling with his phone out and one conversation. He speaks to loads of his mates on WhatsApp but it just looked ‘different’. So I went down to see how he was and said you look engrossed in your phone tonight who you texting and that’s when he told me.

The first message said hey, and then a. Picture of my dog saying ‘your boy’ think I lost my shit then. That dog is like a child to me, he is mine, why is he saying this? Like wtf? And then I asked him to casually mention me, if it’s innocent just throw in there that he’s got a wife or going out tomorrow with the wife and kids as they were talking about the coronation but he got all defensive said I was controlling and im
not embarrassing him and he just deleted the chat.

i asked him if he would have told me anyway and he said probably not no, it was just one conversation. I know he wouldn’t have told me because he’s a liar anyway about other things but this is genuinely one area that I thought I didn’t need to worry about and have never looked on his phone searching for Womens messages ect. He has said millions of times before he has no interest in messaging other women ect and he never has. So this is why I thought to me it seems like more.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumof3andlab · 06/05/2023 10:05

He doesn’t wear a wedding ring as it doesn’t fit him he’s put on a few stone over the years and he kept having trouble removing it for football matches on Sundays.

OP posts:

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 10:07

Honestly, he knows exactly what he's doing. He's not an idiot.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2023 10:07

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 06/05/2023 07:49

Surely an adult man is not this naive?

Of course he isn't. Your husband is playing with fire, op, and he's hoping you're stupid enough to believe there's nothing to it.

Fraaahnces · 06/05/2023 10:09

Time to go walkies with DH and dog I think.

Corrienation · 06/05/2023 10:10

I’ve always said that men and women can be friends and I do have many platonic male friends. Recent events have made me realise that married men who want a friendship with woman outside of normal group settings can be warming them up- just in case their relationship doesn’t work out..

Yogazmum · 06/05/2023 10:12

A friends husband has just left her and her kids after meeting a lady on his regular dog walks.
Apparently felt a ‘connection’ with her, exchanged numbers etc… so I would say your husband knows exactly what he’s doing.
I think you need to sit down and have a proper chat with him. If it’s all innocent then he won’t mind you tagging along and meeting her.

5128gap · 06/05/2023 10:18

He's thoroughly enjoying whatever he's doing with this woman but getting in early with a narrative he thinks will cover him. She's persistent, I didn't want to be rude, I told you she's a bit crazy. Whatever you see or find out, he's set the scene for you that he's an innocent, guileless victim. The foresight is troubling.

Treacletoots · 06/05/2023 10:31

Nope. He's up to no good and he's already started the gaslighting. You're not controlling OP, he's trying to make you feel like you're in the wrong.

My best friend is a man FWIW, but DH knows all about him and has met regularly, he knows I've absolutely no interest beyond a friendship and I've never needed to hide anything.

I've been cheated on, and cheated on someone else in the dim and distant past and can only say you need to go big here or go home, otherwise this will end in tears. put on your big girl pants and tell him to sleep on the sofa/ elsewhere until he grows up and acknowledges that this is simply unacceptable. He needs to know right now that you're not going to believe his shit.

Ultimately though, I'd not be able to trust him after this, but its up to you to make that call.

j81 · 06/05/2023 10:35

This is just the beginning of him testing the waters and let me tell you it doesn't get better, he sounds like he's gas lighting you I wouldn't stand for it, it's a horrible situation to be in hope your ok OP x

girlfriend44 · 06/05/2023 10:43

Don't do a thing. Why should you. If he wants to throw his marriage away, he isn't worth it anyway.

It's all down to him,you don't need to do anything.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 06/05/2023 10:47

Mumof3andlab · 06/05/2023 10:03

Thank you for all your messages.

So I find out because I fell asleep putting my toddler to sleep and when I woke up, went on my phone for a bit, Friday nights he plays fifa (champions games or whatever) every week without fail. I didn’t hear him which was strange so I looked on the living room camera (we have cameras to check in with the dog) to see if he had fallen asleep but he was sat with fifa on not playing, smiling with his phone out and one conversation. He speaks to loads of his mates on WhatsApp but it just looked ‘different’. So I went down to see how he was and said you look engrossed in your phone tonight who you texting and that’s when he told me.

The first message said hey, and then a. Picture of my dog saying ‘your boy’ think I lost my shit then. That dog is like a child to me, he is mine, why is he saying this? Like wtf? And then I asked him to casually mention me, if it’s innocent just throw in there that he’s got a wife or going out tomorrow with the wife and kids as they were talking about the coronation but he got all defensive said I was controlling and im
not embarrassing him and he just deleted the chat.

i asked him if he would have told me anyway and he said probably not no, it was just one conversation. I know he wouldn’t have told me because he’s a liar anyway about other things but this is genuinely one area that I thought I didn’t need to worry about and have never looked on his phone searching for Womens messages ect. He has said millions of times before he has no interest in messaging other women ect and he never has. So this is why I thought to me it seems like more.

Wow. He’s not naive at all. He’s a devious liar.

Famzonhol · 06/05/2023 10:56

He’s a liar and his reasons for not wearing a wedding ring are implausible. He just doesn’t want to wear one. Fine - but did we mention he’s a liar. Who meets and texts other women and doesn’t mention that he’s married.

Itsokay2020 · 06/05/2023 11:14

@Mumof3andlab I am sorry this is happening to you. I too have made lots of new friends since getting a dog, but we have all introduced our DHs, DWs, DPs and kids at the earliest opportunity! Nothing to hide and certainly no intent to do anything other than enjoy a sociable walk with dogs and humans.

You mentioned that he has gained weight, I’d be curious to know if he starts to become more health conscious and pays more attention to his appearance.

I would also join him on dog walks, and make my presence (and relationship) known in a light and breezy, but no nonsense manner.

I hope things get better for you

Jobhuntings · 06/05/2023 11:37

Mumof3andlab · 06/05/2023 10:03

Thank you for all your messages.

So I find out because I fell asleep putting my toddler to sleep and when I woke up, went on my phone for a bit, Friday nights he plays fifa (champions games or whatever) every week without fail. I didn’t hear him which was strange so I looked on the living room camera (we have cameras to check in with the dog) to see if he had fallen asleep but he was sat with fifa on not playing, smiling with his phone out and one conversation. He speaks to loads of his mates on WhatsApp but it just looked ‘different’. So I went down to see how he was and said you look engrossed in your phone tonight who you texting and that’s when he told me.

The first message said hey, and then a. Picture of my dog saying ‘your boy’ think I lost my shit then. That dog is like a child to me, he is mine, why is he saying this? Like wtf? And then I asked him to casually mention me, if it’s innocent just throw in there that he’s got a wife or going out tomorrow with the wife and kids as they were talking about the coronation but he got all defensive said I was controlling and im
not embarrassing him and he just deleted the chat.

i asked him if he would have told me anyway and he said probably not no, it was just one conversation. I know he wouldn’t have told me because he’s a liar anyway about other things but this is genuinely one area that I thought I didn’t need to worry about and have never looked on his phone searching for Womens messages ect. He has said millions of times before he has no interest in messaging other women ect and he never has. So this is why I thought to me it seems like more.

He's a liar.

He knows exactly what he's doing, what a total shit.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 06/05/2023 12:59

bigbluehamster · 06/05/2023 07:03

How did you find out?

Haha I was thinking this.. probably goes through his phone the poor guy..

C1N1C · 06/05/2023 13:19

See above^
This is the reason he didn't tell you.

So a man takes his dog for a walk, a woman becomes friends with him, they chat on the phone and you come on MN to be told he's cheating/untrustworthy???

You asked, and he told you straight, and this is your response? He didn't lie and say it was a mate. He told you straight. Had he told you when it happened, I bet you'd still be here asking, and you'd still be getting the same response!

I don't get why men and women can't be just friends... did you dump all of your male friends when you married him?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/05/2023 13:20

I'd ask him how many men dog walkers he has exchanged numbers with.

QueefQueen80s · 06/05/2023 13:29

Nothing wrong with opposite sex friends but he needs to mention you, keep it platonic and not hide anything.

GreenwichOrTwicks · 06/05/2023 13:33

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/05/2023 13:20

I'd ask him how many men dog walkers he has exchanged numbers with.

Well said!!!!!!

Joeylove88 · 06/05/2023 14:21

Your husband is not behaving like hes shy and naive. It is definitely crossing a boundary if he hasn't mentioned you to this woman and is acting defensive. Yes he's been honest that he met her when out dog walking and honestly they might genuinely just get on with eachother in a friendly way that's fair enough but he needs to be upfront with this woman about being married and being respectful to you as his wife to not give you any reason to feel doubtful or uncomfortable about this! Always follow your gut instinct and never feed bad about trying to assert your boundaries. Iv been there before so I know how that feels. It doesn't necessarily mean cheating but there should always be mutual respect in partnerships end of.

MeetMyCat · 06/05/2023 15:01

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/05/2023 13:20

I'd ask him how many men dog walkers he has exchanged numbers with.

This!