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Original poster

Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

639 replies

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 22:47

My dsd, 7, moved in with us full
time back in January. Our situation is that I am higher earner and breadwinner on Mat leave with 5 month old baby, husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now).

At the moment, we are on a tight budget due to my mat leave - and one thing driving me crazy is dsd eating all our fruit. We will buy a weekly shop with 2 bunches bananas, few punnets of berries, peaches, melon, grapes, tangerines etc and she will eat her way through the lot in two days. For example, yesterday she ate a punnet and a half of raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas. This is on a school day (so she eats this at breakfast and in the evening). She is then obviously reluctant to finish a proper evening meal or try anything she dislikes. She also has had a couple of accidents with loose stools (imo this is from bingeing on fruit). She takes from the fridge without asking and leaves nothing for DH and I.

I’ve spoken to my dh about this and he says she is a growing child and at least fruit is good for her - fair enough I buy fruit partly for her to eat, but the amount seems greedy to me, and beyond what is necessary for a healthy child. I think reasonable is a small
bowl of berries and grapes along with a tangerine and banana after school as a snack and then one piece for dessert. She can also have melon and banana for breakfast along with cereal and a yoghurt. I want her to learn that food costs money, we don’t have a bottomless pit of it and you don’t just gorge on whatever you want because you are bored/tired/didn’t eat your dinner, you ration portions in a family so everyone gets a fair share, and sometimes eat less tasty things to maintain a healthy diet.

We provide substantial breakfast, lunch and dinner portions, and I try to accommodate her tastes (though she can’t just have fish fingers and strawberries as a diet, which would be her preference).When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 18:19

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@Babycakes6

woah!! You are way out of line here

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 18:35

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LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 18:38

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@Babycakes6

what makes you say that?!
you are being very offensive

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 18:38

@Babycakes6 Nobody is trolling you just because they've disagreed with your comments.

Namechange828492 · 08/05/2023 19:08

My DC would eat all this if given the chance and i absolutely do restrict it and feel the same as the OP! Apples they have free reign on, i buy cheap oranges but dont let them have too many. Fancy fruits we have occaisionally but i wont buy them all the time.

My DC dont like pears but if your DSD does that could be another good filler.

Also DH needs to work full time!

Tourmalines · 08/05/2023 22:57

Shadow2 · 08/05/2023 16:15

The hysteria over here!

Comfort eating because she’s traumatized by what is a fairly common life event for billions of children?

Stop it. I laughed out loud.

7 years old is a perfect age to learn about not being the only person who matters in the world.

She is greedy. All that means in the dictionary doesn’t have a whole moral dimension. It just means a strong desire to indulge in some food.

I eat like this. I’m 32. My mother still comments on how it’s expensive and overindulgent.

My parents were high income earners. My mum the bigger earner and there’s not a chance I wouldn’t be in trouble for not leaving things for anyone else in the house.

Or eating the more expensive items without asking if my parents had their own ideas for it first.

This kid shouldn’t just be diving into the fridge without asking anyway.

Unless she knows how to be considerate.

My parents had money because they were sensible and high income earners.

They bought icecream and juice and crisps.

They expected to each have a large glass of juice each left for both days of the weekend. Not an unreasonable ask. So I being a bit greedy would top my orange juice craving up with filtered water from our fancy plumbed fridge.

I was taught that just because I want something doesn’t mean I should have it.

I did not feel deprived. Or unloved by my stepdad. Or chastised unfairly. They also deserved to get a share of what they paid for.

My mother had a demanding job. She would never shop mid week. If it’s out then that’s it. Once a week or 2 week shopping with a cart or two full.

Also fair. She was coming home after 7. Cooking, washing, cleaning and earning the bucks.

That’s absurd amount of expensive fruit.

The suggestion that she shouldn’t buy it is also absurd.

The point of this is she would also like to eat her darn raspberries.

But she can’t because her husband has obviously never parented and taught his kid courtesy and boundaries.

She’s 7, not 3. But honestly my free range half siblings that had never been disciplined were more considerate naturally at age 4/6. So this is silly.

Simple answer, if you want something from the fridge then ask.

I still ask my mother if I can eat food I know she bought for me(and I have lived in my own place since I was 18) because what if she decided maybe she’d like it or she wasn’t up to going shopping after working.

I’m 32. I ask if I can have guests in her home. Always have, always will. Even when it was my home.

I steal her icecreams though. Which is rude but I’m a sugar addict and I work late from her spare bedroom instead of my home.

But I also buy her snacks to replace.

Being polite is a lifelong thing. And so is learning how to manage financially.

This is not going to cause an eating disorder. The commenters projecting their own issues are also ridiculous.

It’s not a big deal.

Imagine the aliens doing a Attenborough show on us: also they’ve just emerged from the dark ages thanks to eliminating serious diseases and malnutrition they can’t stop killing themselves with a psychosis caused by ……..vanity.

Spot on . Totally agree . There are a lot of fruit bats on here .

Eternalfacepalm · 09/05/2023 04:45

It's nothing to do with trauma or comfort eating. What you have is a child that is used to binging on sweets and now sweets aren't available the next source of sugar available is fruit. Put it out of her reach, or teach her about portions and healthy diets and failing that give her an allowance of fruit each day. Everyone saying give her carrot sticks is hilarious to me because there is more sugar in carrots than any other vegetable which is why it isn't a good alternative. The answer here isn't to give her different/more food and indulge this habit it is to teach her not to eat her emotions and healthy dietary behaviour while she is still young though the damage may already be done if she has been brought up to gorge like this freely.

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 04:59

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 10:50

Also, how is the OP a breadwinner if on the maternity leave for the second time within a year ( a 5 months old baby and she is pregnant again?)
She wants a little girl to contribute for the fruit?
It’s her father’s house, how can a 7 year contribute for bills and fruit, what on Earth?

Uh, I think she is on MAT leave for the 5-month-old. 🤔

She said the girl's mother doesn't pay any maintenance, nothing about a child paying anything.🙄

FFS--if you don't understand what you are reading, don't make inane comments that show you don't comprehend. 😩

There is a limit to how much fruit a child should eat. Just because it's fruit, doesn't make it all good for you. The sugars in it still spike up the glucose levels, the sugars are bad for the teeth and it's expensive. 😬

IF you had bothered to read (and comprehend) the rest of the OP's posts, you will see she introduced a nice alternative that will get more vegetables and other healthy foods into her DSD's rotation. That's what smart, loving and caring people do for the ones they love. They don't give into whims, but make compromises.

As to the "Cinderella" reference, really? Just GMAFB! 🙄😃

"Sometimes it's better to say nothing and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt".

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:02

GiraffeLaSophie · 08/05/2023 11:12

Are you just making stuff up now? She quite clearly doesn’t want her step daughter to contribute towards buying the fruit (or bills!). The OP is buying what should be enough fruit to last a family of 3 until the next food shop, and her step daughter is eating the majority of it so there’s not enough left for everyone else. So clearly, the solutions are to buy more fruit, or to try and limit the amount of fruit that her step daughter is eating.

Ignoring finances, given that the amount she’s eating is upsetting her stomach and causing her to poo herself, do you genuinely not think the second one is the better option?

Show quote history

I thought I had fallen down Alice's rabbit hole until I saw how many of her posts got deleted. Then it made sense. Well, STILL didn't make sense, but I was able to figure out the personality type.

MadMadamBurns · 09/05/2023 05:05

Teachable moments. 1. Don't buy so much fruit at once. 2. Teach food portion, calorie counting. Talk about how much protein, fruit, veg is good for a person by size. 3. Talk about budgeting.
These are all things families have to consider. The child has not learned this yet. Gently teach.

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:10

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 12:09

I think you’re right!

Show quote history

Trying to reason with some people is no different from banging your head against the wall. They aren't going to listen, because that type never does and all you end up with is a headache.

If her DD is eating more fruit in one day than the OP's DSD, I wonder about that kind of parenting. Not healthy at all. 2-3 servings is plenty for anyone. Still hungry? Salads, carrots, snap peas, cucumbers, peppers, cauliflower, radishes, broccoli (trees), cheese, nuts and legumes are all healthier and less teeth rot.

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:15

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 12:15

No, you are right, they shouldn’t bother to work, drive around in their car, get their baby a play therapy etc and get stepdaughter to eat bread 😂

Show quote history

So, the only food choices in your family is bread and fruit?

DANG!! Poor children! 😩😬🍅🌶🧀🍿

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:21

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 12:18

I agree. I've seen some things on MN but what we're seeing with this poster is possibly the most hyperbolic thing I've ever seen on here.

Show quote history

I kept waiting to see the /S get posted. Sadly, it hasn't. I don't know if I should feel sorry for this poster, or annoyed. Zero reading comprehension, making up bull💩that was never said or even implied and the whole "false superiority complex" personality showing here makes me lean toward annoyed.

I'm happy the OP has found a solution and though I think there will be more compromising needed, that was a great start. I would not have thought of her own snack plate and filling it together is bonding time. Likewise, I liked the special box idea someone posted.

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:30

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 12:35

Why do people like the OP (or you) have children at all is beyond me

😂😂 Likewise! My children grow up well fed but with minor budget restrictions and an appreciation for how much things cost.

Yours, on the other hand, are growing up with an absolutely ridiculous amount of drama and lack of perspective as their primary influence.

And a ridiculous amount of sugar in their system. Fruit is much better than refined sugars, but it's still a type of sugar with a mix of glucose and fructose. There are limits to how much is healthy for a person (I thought I read 3 cups/servings/day is reasonable).

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:35

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 12:54

As a result, they are all starving! But they can afford baby therapy, car and to not go to work 🙄

Show quote history

Baby therapy? You mean for the little 7-year-old girl who cannot be in the care of her mother for some reason?

I must say, however annoying, I am getting a laugh from the delusions you spout. Proving once again, that reading comprehension is SO very important. 😆

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 11:38

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 16:11

@Babycakes6

im just replying to your posts - how does that
make me a troll?!

Show quote history

I hope she isn't stalking you also! Look for IhateTrolls as that is her sock-puppet account.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 09/05/2023 11:38

Jesus. The 👶 🎂 poster is a complete maniac, running riot on several threads. Yikes.

RobbCort · 09/05/2023 16:31

I think the simple solution is to just buy produce twice a week instead or once. It will force her to slow down as well as ensure that you and hubby have some towards the end of the week as well. It seems like there are big adjustments for everyone in the household and things will likely calm down soon enough. With an easy enough solution, this wouldn’t be the hill I chose to die on

Cazareeto1 · 10/05/2023 15:05

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 22:47

My dsd, 7, moved in with us full
time back in January. Our situation is that I am higher earner and breadwinner on Mat leave with 5 month old baby, husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now).

At the moment, we are on a tight budget due to my mat leave - and one thing driving me crazy is dsd eating all our fruit. We will buy a weekly shop with 2 bunches bananas, few punnets of berries, peaches, melon, grapes, tangerines etc and she will eat her way through the lot in two days. For example, yesterday she ate a punnet and a half of raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas. This is on a school day (so she eats this at breakfast and in the evening). She is then obviously reluctant to finish a proper evening meal or try anything she dislikes. She also has had a couple of accidents with loose stools (imo this is from bingeing on fruit). She takes from the fridge without asking and leaves nothing for DH and I.

I’ve spoken to my dh about this and he says she is a growing child and at least fruit is good for her - fair enough I buy fruit partly for her to eat, but the amount seems greedy to me, and beyond what is necessary for a healthy child. I think reasonable is a small
bowl of berries and grapes along with a tangerine and banana after school as a snack and then one piece for dessert. She can also have melon and banana for breakfast along with cereal and a yoghurt. I want her to learn that food costs money, we don’t have a bottomless pit of it and you don’t just gorge on whatever you want because you are bored/tired/didn’t eat your dinner, you ration portions in a family so everyone gets a fair share, and sometimes eat less tasty things to maintain a healthy diet.

We provide substantial breakfast, lunch and dinner portions, and I try to accommodate her tastes (though she can’t just have fish fingers and strawberries as a diet, which would be her preference).When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

my step mum when I was a teen would constantly pick at what I ate call me a pig, and so on, I was a healthy weight my bmi was perfect and I was very muscular as I did a lot of sports which required more food to build up and have energy. She gave me an eating disorder and made me feel I was fat Iv been anorexic for the last 20 years of my life thanks to her! So be very careful of your words and how they affect a person. I lived full time with them, they whole situation was extremely distressing for me. Food being constantly brought up! It was horrible and made me feel fat! Iv been between a size 4 and 6 for a long time because of her words.

You are kind of being unreasonable this is a little kid, who no longer lives with her mummy, she had a sweet addiction and now a fruit addiction to clearly replace her levels of sugar she had before, you need to wein her off that amount. And also be understanding that she is very young and has a lot going on in her little world. I wouldn’t call it greedy I would call it a small kid both weining off the amount of sugar that was in the sweets and having emotional damage from being a suitcase kid…
you are the adult in the situation who is some what stepping in as “mum” during the time she lives with you. As being the female who is there all the time. She has just had a new sibling, as well. So her emotions will be all over the palce.
do not make her feel like she can not help herself to food, that will make her feel uncomfortable and not part of the family, instead prepare her food and yes while she lives with you, you need to step up as step parent especially now she no longer lives with her mum.
when your little one gets to the same age group you will see what kids are really like at home…
kids are naturally made to prefer sweet food, so they do not eat poison foods it’s a natural instinct we all had as children, and all children have.
your job is to offer sweet tasting veg like carrots, sweet peppers, so wein off sugary foods, like it lump it this little girl is a huge part of your life and calling her greedy is not ok, not even slightly. She is trying to self regulate. How would you feel in her shoes, lack of stability not living with her mum! Step up and don’t call kids greedy for eating, she growing at fast rate and it’s not good for her later in life mental health…

please get a grip and realise you married, you may well make more money but in a family situation that really isnt part of life, tbh you both do what can and meet in the middle.. you will make ur DH feel inferior and will cause problems in your relationship… goes both ways.. you keep going way u are husband will end up arguing with you over his daughter.. which is not healthy for anyone especially the child in the situation… 🤦‍♀️ you are a grown woman and should know better tbh! I think your wording and language used is degrading and disgusting to say a child that age is greedy. Be better and look for solutions instead of the crewl words.. which they are to a small kid.. especially in the situation she is in.

teach her that too much of anything is not good for you and teach how to eat things in moderation instead, and use kind words like “if we eat too much fruit or sugar, we will get a sore tummy and have runny poo (make it a way for kid to understand that will make it a little bit fun, goes down better with kids if it’s more fun which they are more inclined to listen)
I would personally get her to help you make a healthy snack plate with some veg and fruit, use sweet tasting ones to start with and then add different veg with less natural sugar.

do you really have to ask mums net on something you as an adult should have a bit of compassion and understanding what this kid is actually emotionally going through! Really get a grip and stop the stupid mentality of the way you are wording for this kid, kids take things adults say to heart big time choose ur words very carefully even when u are not talking to her directly but discussing with her father, she will hear you and think you do not like her… please remember the impact you will have on this child.

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2023 15:11

@Cazareeto1 Jesus Christ that was so much longer than it needed to be. I don't know how you've managed to give decent, level headed advice about substituting for vegetables and weaning off the fruit whilst also littering your comment with repeated, completely uncalled for comments about OP needing to "step up", "get a grip" and "grow up" etc.

She is a grown up that has clearly already stepped up for this girl enormously. She has shown compassion for the girl but is concerned as her budget is not limitless. The tone of your comment was completely unnecessary, your standards of "stepping up" are too high - she has already stepped up and should be commended for that, not treated as you have treated her here.

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 15:14

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2023 15:11

@Cazareeto1 Jesus Christ that was so much longer than it needed to be. I don't know how you've managed to give decent, level headed advice about substituting for vegetables and weaning off the fruit whilst also littering your comment with repeated, completely uncalled for comments about OP needing to "step up", "get a grip" and "grow up" etc.

She is a grown up that has clearly already stepped up for this girl enormously. She has shown compassion for the girl but is concerned as her budget is not limitless. The tone of your comment was completely unnecessary, your standards of "stepping up" are too high - she has already stepped up and should be commended for that, not treated as you have treated her here.

I agree. It seems very angry!

Cazareeto1 · 10/05/2023 15:21

Nanaof1 · 09/05/2023 05:30

And a ridiculous amount of sugar in their system. Fruit is much better than refined sugars, but it's still a type of sugar with a mix of glucose and fructose. There are limits to how much is healthy for a person (I thought I read 3 cups/servings/day is reasonable).

Show quote history

Yes it is a high amount of sugar but this child is weining off of sugary sweets the fruit is being used as a replacement, her body also needs time to adjust after such high amounts of sugar and that means weining her off the amount of sugary fruit, and first replacing some with sweet tasting veg then on to more bitter veg. You can eat raw.. will take time and also don’t want to put the kids body in shock from lack of sugar her body was used to. Also the kid no longer in full time custody of her mum, for what ever reason, we don’t know if it was a bad situation or what. So the kid will also be comfort eating, and sugar makes you feel temporally happy, that is why it is addictive. OP needs to not use words like greedy, for a kid, especially this age group and teen years. Not everything is black and white, and as simple, things take time for kids and this kid sounds like she needs a break (going by OPs other posts she has made and wording) there are many factors going on here and each adjustment needs addressing separately. OP

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 10/05/2023 15:41

Cor, you don’t have talk some twaddle @Cazareeto1

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