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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

639 replies

Katey83 · 04/05/2023 22:47

My dsd, 7, moved in with us full
time back in January. Our situation is that I am higher earner and breadwinner on Mat leave with 5 month old baby, husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now).

At the moment, we are on a tight budget due to my mat leave - and one thing driving me crazy is dsd eating all our fruit. We will buy a weekly shop with 2 bunches bananas, few punnets of berries, peaches, melon, grapes, tangerines etc and she will eat her way through the lot in two days. For example, yesterday she ate a punnet and a half of raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas. This is on a school day (so she eats this at breakfast and in the evening). She is then obviously reluctant to finish a proper evening meal or try anything she dislikes. She also has had a couple of accidents with loose stools (imo this is from bingeing on fruit). She takes from the fridge without asking and leaves nothing for DH and I.

I’ve spoken to my dh about this and he says she is a growing child and at least fruit is good for her - fair enough I buy fruit partly for her to eat, but the amount seems greedy to me, and beyond what is necessary for a healthy child. I think reasonable is a small
bowl of berries and grapes along with a tangerine and banana after school as a snack and then one piece for dessert. She can also have melon and banana for breakfast along with cereal and a yoghurt. I want her to learn that food costs money, we don’t have a bottomless pit of it and you don’t just gorge on whatever you want because you are bored/tired/didn’t eat your dinner, you ration portions in a family so everyone gets a fair share, and sometimes eat less tasty things to maintain a healthy diet.

We provide substantial breakfast, lunch and dinner portions, and I try to accommodate her tastes (though she can’t just have fish fingers and strawberries as a diet, which would be her preference).When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

OP posts:
Liorae · 08/05/2023 13:49

I’m assuming dad paid when she was with mum.
I'm assuming that while living with OP and just contributing a bit to the bills he was probably paying fuck all in maintenance until OP took responsibility for his daughter.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 13:51

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 13:32

Well fed on bread sound like

@Babycakes6

if a child was munching on punnets of berries then yes I may suggest that have a sandwich instead as it would be more filling then more fruit. Bread is not the work of the devil you know. It’s all about balence. At the moment this child doesn’t have that - hence the soiling herself, it’s clearly too much for her system.

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 13:58

Well fed on bread sound like

No, but perhaps on a mere one punnet of berries before I say "that's enough for today/you need to wait til dinner now/let's save some for tomorrow"

Heaven forbid!

And yes, they do also eat bread 😂

Raeraely · 08/05/2023 14:46

I think you’re not entirely being unreasonable, however I would certainly want the child’s blood drawn for a sugar test.

i also would attempt to gently educate your husband that sugar is sugar even if it’s “healthy” fruits. The body reacts the same. Hi

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 08/05/2023 14:50

Raeraely · 08/05/2023 14:46

I think you’re not entirely being unreasonable, however I would certainly want the child’s blood drawn for a sugar test.

i also would attempt to gently educate your husband that sugar is sugar even if it’s “healthy” fruits. The body reacts the same. Hi

What do you mean by a “sugar test” and why would it be necessary to put a 7 year old through a blood draw?

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 08/05/2023 15:00

It’s the little girl’s father’s house and her father is contributing. The OP states the father is paying for the food, provides car etc.
If the money is tight why make 2 babies within a year and then take it out on a little girl?

How do you know it's the father's house? If the OP is the higher earner, she's paying for it!

And where on earth did you get that the OP "made 2 babies within a year" ??? You are bonkers, or need to learn to read.

The OP is on maternity leave with her 4 month old [I think] baby. Yes, that's maternity leave that women can take for anything up to a year after the birth of a baby. ONE baby.

FFS some people!

Whichnumbers · 08/05/2023 15:01

i also would attempt to gently educate your husband that sugar is sugar even if it’s “healthy” fruits. The body reacts the same.

a really good watch is

sugar the bitter truth, it explains, from an endocrinologist why the sugar in whole fruit is different - its on YouTube

its about an hour and a half long and goes into great detail of the effect of refined sugar on the liver and high fructose corn syrup, which is stuffed into many products - you'd struggle to find ice cream in uk without this type of sugar

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 15:15

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 08/05/2023 15:00

It’s the little girl’s father’s house and her father is contributing. The OP states the father is paying for the food, provides car etc.
If the money is tight why make 2 babies within a year and then take it out on a little girl?

How do you know it's the father's house? If the OP is the higher earner, she's paying for it!

And where on earth did you get that the OP "made 2 babies within a year" ??? You are bonkers, or need to learn to read.

The OP is on maternity leave with her 4 month old [I think] baby. Yes, that's maternity leave that women can take for anything up to a year after the birth of a baby. ONE baby.

FFS some people!

Let’s be honest, the amount of fruit is not a problem here. Why is the OP focusing on who is earning more etc? The post is heavily focusing on money, she is not concerned about wellbeing of her stepchild. She is bitter that she has to contribute for a child which is not her own. (Which I found really mean). She wants parents to contribute more but it’s not the little girl’s fault. Under no circumstances she should be taking this out on a little girl.
I bet if her own child was eating a lot of fruit, she wouldn’t be complaining. I feel so sorry for the little girl, such a bad luck to get such a step mother, on top of everything she’s gone through.
I have never met a single parent complaining about a child eating a lot of fruit, and I count myself very lucky my own DD would rather ‘gorge’ (as stepmother puts it) on fruit than processed food. I would happily spend all my money on all fruit she wants.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 15:42

@Babycakes6

”I would happily spend all my money on all fruit she wants.”

lol

where is your limit on this?

need a new pair or shoes?! Nah, can’t . Gotta buy multiple packs of berries and apricots for a kid to eat to the point they make themselves ill.

diddl · 08/05/2023 15:44

Let’s be honest, the amount of fruit is not a problem here

I would disagree if it's giving Op's step daughter a bad stomach.

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 15:53

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LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 15:56

@Babycakes6

do you genuinely really think OP is selfish and unkind to children become she won’t work more hours to buy this child more fruit (which is making her ill?!)

are you quite ok Hun?

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 15:59

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LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 16:11

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@Babycakes6

im just replying to your posts - how does that
make me a troll?!

diddl · 08/05/2023 16:14

My own DD eats as much fruit but hasn’t got those issues
**
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Shadow2 · 08/05/2023 16:15

The hysteria over here!

Comfort eating because she’s traumatized by what is a fairly common life event for billions of children?

Stop it. I laughed out loud.

7 years old is a perfect age to learn about not being the only person who matters in the world.

She is greedy. All that means in the dictionary doesn’t have a whole moral dimension. It just means a strong desire to indulge in some food.

I eat like this. I’m 32. My mother still comments on how it’s expensive and overindulgent.

My parents were high income earners. My mum the bigger earner and there’s not a chance I wouldn’t be in trouble for not leaving things for anyone else in the house.

Or eating the more expensive items without asking if my parents had their own ideas for it first.

This kid shouldn’t just be diving into the fridge without asking anyway.

Unless she knows how to be considerate.

My parents had money because they were sensible and high income earners.

They bought icecream and juice and crisps.

They expected to each have a large glass of juice each left for both days of the weekend. Not an unreasonable ask. So I being a bit greedy would top my orange juice craving up with filtered water from our fancy plumbed fridge.

I was taught that just because I want something doesn’t mean I should have it.

I did not feel deprived. Or unloved by my stepdad. Or chastised unfairly. They also deserved to get a share of what they paid for.

My mother had a demanding job. She would never shop mid week. If it’s out then that’s it. Once a week or 2 week shopping with a cart or two full.

Also fair. She was coming home after 7. Cooking, washing, cleaning and earning the bucks.

That’s absurd amount of expensive fruit.

The suggestion that she shouldn’t buy it is also absurd.

The point of this is she would also like to eat her darn raspberries.

But she can’t because her husband has obviously never parented and taught his kid courtesy and boundaries.

She’s 7, not 3. But honestly my free range half siblings that had never been disciplined were more considerate naturally at age 4/6. So this is silly.

Simple answer, if you want something from the fridge then ask.

I still ask my mother if I can eat food I know she bought for me(and I have lived in my own place since I was 18) because what if she decided maybe she’d like it or she wasn’t up to going shopping after working.

I’m 32. I ask if I can have guests in her home. Always have, always will. Even when it was my home.

I steal her icecreams though. Which is rude but I’m a sugar addict and I work late from her spare bedroom instead of my home.

But I also buy her snacks to replace.

Being polite is a lifelong thing. And so is learning how to manage financially.

This is not going to cause an eating disorder. The commenters projecting their own issues are also ridiculous.

It’s not a big deal.

Imagine the aliens doing a Attenborough show on us: also they’ve just emerged from the dark ages thanks to eliminating serious diseases and malnutrition they can’t stop killing themselves with a psychosis caused by ……..vanity.

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 16:22

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/05/2023 16:11

@Babycakes6

im just replying to your posts - how does that
make me a troll?!

You have replied 100 times to each of my posts which is bizarre. Writing things such as ‘are you ok Hun?’ can’t be considered actual replies, it is indeed trolling. If you have nothing intelligent to
say, then you don’t need to reply

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 16:28

AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 16:11
@Babycakes6

im just replying to your posts - how does that
make me a troll
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 15:56
she won’t work more hours to buy this child more fruit

are you quite ok Hun?
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 15:42
@Babycakes6

”I would happily spend all my money on all fruit

lol

where is
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 13:51
devil you know. It’s all about balence. At the moment this child doesn’t have that - hence the soiling herself, it’s clearly too much for her system.
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:55
@Babycakes6
what u on about baby therapy? its op that is funding therapy for her stepdaughter, not her baby.
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:54
, and the little girl is eating all of the fruit meant for everyone. That is not fair. It is also
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:45
@Babycakes6

⬆️ This
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:09
I think you’re right
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:09
and just wear some old rags, maybe wash her hair in washing up liquid? Anything to be able to keep buying all that fruit!
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 12:02
gonna put her baby in nursery so she can go back to work in order to fund this ridiculous fruitconsumption is she?!
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 11:54
will eat

are you really saying op should work more hours in
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 11:38
normal! Especially when the child is eating so muchthat she is soiling herself.

I can’t think of
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 11:18
@Babycakes6

have you missed the bit about the little girl eating so much fruit that she is soiling herself?! Do you think that is ok?!
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 11:05
@Babycakes6


Millions of people do have to set some restrictions on how much of a
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 11:03
@Babycakes6

well it is an unnecessary amount of fruit for a child isn’t it ? Or a grown adult for that matter
AIBU?
Stepdaughter eating too much fruit
Post
By LuckySantangelo35 ·
Today 10:38
@Babycakes6

READ OP’S POSTS

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2023 16:58

@Babycakes6 She's saying that because it's hard to believe you're actually serious about what you're saying.

Fansandblankets · 08/05/2023 17:05

I’d get a Tupperware box and put in a healthy amount of fruit and tell her that’s it for the day. It’s far too much fruit, it will wreck her teeth if she’s like most 7 year olds and reluctant to brush. Would she be happy with some carrot sticks or sticks of cucumber to make up the difference?

Fansandblankets · 08/05/2023 17:12

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 15:15

Let’s be honest, the amount of fruit is not a problem here. Why is the OP focusing on who is earning more etc? The post is heavily focusing on money, she is not concerned about wellbeing of her stepchild. She is bitter that she has to contribute for a child which is not her own. (Which I found really mean). She wants parents to contribute more but it’s not the little girl’s fault. Under no circumstances she should be taking this out on a little girl.
I bet if her own child was eating a lot of fruit, she wouldn’t be complaining. I feel so sorry for the little girl, such a bad luck to get such a step mother, on top of everything she’s gone through.
I have never met a single parent complaining about a child eating a lot of fruit, and I count myself very lucky my own DD would rather ‘gorge’ (as stepmother puts it) on fruit than processed food. I would happily spend all my money on all fruit she wants.

Then you know nothing about nutrition. Fruit is loaded with sugar. She is eating an excessive amount of fruit. It will damage her teeth apart from anything else. If she’s filling up on fruit she’ll be missing out on other essential food groups.

”Children will always have a preference for sweeter food. For this reason, fruits tend to be readily eaten and enjoyed sometimes to the exclusion of blander vegetables.
There are a few potential issues when it comes to children over consuming fruit:

  • Eating too much fruit can fill up your child’s tummy, leaving little room for other important food groups like dairy, wholegrains and proteins.
  • While fruit is a great source of fibre, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, unfortunately it has little protein and virtually no fat, which are both essential for a growing child.
  • Too much sugar, even if it is natural sugar as is the case with fresh fruit, can mean too many calories even for children.
If your child loves fruit, that’s great! However, you want to make sure they are still eating a balanced diet.
Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 17:16

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Liorae · 08/05/2023 17:30

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He's not coming back no matter how much of this bullshit you post.

Babycakes6 · 08/05/2023 17:47

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