Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

[Katey83]

My dsd, 7, moved in with us full
time back in January. Our situation is that I am higher earner and breadwinner on Mat leave with 5 month old baby, husband does some part time work that doesn’t bring in much (he runs our family vehicle and contributes towards household costs such as shopping etc). Dsd’s mother does not contribute towards her expenses while she is living here (indefinitely for now).

At the moment, we are on a tight budget due to my mat leave - and one thing driving me crazy is dsd eating all our fruit. We will buy a weekly shop with 2 bunches bananas, few punnets of berries, peaches, melon, grapes, tangerines etc and she will eat her way through the lot in two days. For example, yesterday she ate a punnet and a half of raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas. This is on a school day (so she eats this at breakfast and in the evening). She is then obviously reluctant to finish a proper evening meal or try anything she dislikes. She also has had a couple of accidents with loose stools (imo this is from bingeing on fruit). She takes from the fridge without asking and leaves nothing for DH and I.

I’ve spoken to my dh about this and he says she is a growing child and at least fruit is good for her - fair enough I buy fruit partly for her to eat, but the amount seems greedy to me, and beyond what is necessary for a healthy child. I think reasonable is a small
bowl of berries and grapes along with a tangerine and banana after school as a snack and then one piece for dessert. She can also have melon and banana for breakfast along with cereal and a yoghurt. I want her to learn that food costs money, we don’t have a bottomless pit of it and you don’t just gorge on whatever you want because you are bored/tired/didn’t eat your dinner, you ration portions in a family so everyone gets a fair share, and sometimes eat less tasty things to maintain a healthy diet.

We provide substantial breakfast, lunch and dinner portions, and I try to accommodate her tastes (though she can’t just have fish fingers and strawberries as a diet, which would be her preference).When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud as dh can see how unhealthy it is. I want to handle this in a compassionate way, would I be unreasonable to stop buying fruit until dh agrees to a sensible ration for dsd?

It is a ridiculous amount of fruit to eat . She would only need about 2 serves of fruit a day . Even though fruit is healthy, that much fruit she eats has got far too many calories ,she would also need to eat protein and grains to keep a well balanced diet .Her body needs fats too .But then you say she doesn’t eat her dinner . It is not unreasonable to give her rations of fruit per day . I also disagree that she should have full reign to the fridge at her own pleasure. A family has to share food and it is not acceptable for one child to eat the family’s weekly unit . Don’t feel bad what other people are saying, you are doing a good job, and her own mother should certainly be contributing to her own daughter’s welfare .

A lot of posters bashing dsd's mother. She might indeed be a deadbeat parent, but she might have a serious illness, or some other reason why she can't look after dsd or pay maintenance - if she doesn't, op hasn't said.

And eating that much fruit can't be good for her digestive system, regardless of any other considerations. It wouldn't do me any good, so goodness knows what it's doing to a 7 yo girl. It could be horribly embarrassing for her if she's caught short at the wrong time and place.

Here’s my fruit bowl towards end of week with the fruit liked by adults left. 😀

It must be hard to get an unsettled 7 year old full time without having had time to work out how to share food and space and time. Plus a new baby and mat leave.

Usually you get chance to adjust more slowly as a baby changes into toddler and child.

Do what some other posters have suggested. Put out food in a lunch box so she can pick her own snacks, what you described does sound like quite a lot. There are probably suggestions if you google them in terms of what is recommend for her age. Add other healthy snacks like veges, cheese, yogurt etc. Also try and make it not about the food as it sounds like there is more at play. And buy less fruit for a bit for the household to remove the temptation until this new routine is established if that's what it takes. She's 7, a child, and a damaged one at that. These are very formative years

all of you complain about the fructose but fruit has fiber, vitamins.. sugar from fruit is not bad. It is the sugar from sweets, white flour that's bad.

HNRTFT but I would actually be more concerned about the child's teeth All that sugar and acid can cause a lot if damage!

I would expect a 7 year old to ask before helping themselves to fruit/food. Not to be totally controlling but to avoid them filling up before a meal and to direct them away from things that are earmarked for other people or a meal etc. (Eg those are for our dinner, but you can have X instead).

Also she should be able to - or learn to - understand things like "there are 5 peaches, you can have one every day in your lunchbox". If she eats more then they have gone and won't be replaced. (I'd make sure there was something in her lunch but itmight not be fruit.)

She should not be taking food without asking.

Stop that and the situation will get under control.

She's a child she needs help to regulate herself, especially with food

Fruit is pretty much 50:50 fructose and glucose. So it is having a negative impact on blood sugar levels, which can in turn cause other issues. Not winding fruit, it is a fantastic source of fibre, vitamins and minerals, but it doesn’t work in isolation as a foodstuff. It should be a metered intake and alongside more balanced things.

This. He’s your problem. Not your step-daughter’s appetite for fruit.

Real fructose (in actual fruit) is very different from commercial artificial fructose made from sugar cane or corn.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about the fruit sugar given that it’s combined with the fibre of fruit and relatively slow release compared to bingeing on chocolate and sweets. It’s definitely better than that.

But now they need to wean her off the bingeing altogether.

Excellently put and I couldn’t agree more. Also love your username

I had a "no food in 2 hours before tea time" rule, to make sure DC ate a good amount at tea time. We ate more like 6-6:30pm though.

I'm confused that OP says the girl gets thru a week's worth of fruit in 2 days, and that she eats that way every day. Which would imply that OP is going out top up shopping every 2-3 days. Which I don't think OP is doing (OP didn't say so).

Maybe what OP means is that the girl has a fruit binge over 2 days after a single weekly shop? So the girl isn't fruit binging every day, after all?

Fruit is very expensive now and if you are the higher earner, I think you're justified in changing the current Fruit available at all times
I think I'd put a daily amount in an airtight tub and tell her that it's keeping it fresh for her, as you know she enjoys it
Perhaps have yogurt and berries for breakfast and carrot and Cucumber sticks with a dip for afternoon snack
DH should be backing this especially as he's earning less

Your dh needs to up his hours or get a second job. If you're struggling then pt is a luxury.

I work part time and pick up extra work when we need more money. There's no way I'd leave my family to struggle nor put on my dh who already works ft.

Dsd's mother should be paying towards her also.

Either way, this shouldn't all be falling on you.

That's an unhealthy amount of fruit. Its no wonder she's had accidents. How upsetting for her.

Why isnt her dad parenting her? Since when do 7 year olds help themselves to whatever food they want, when they want?!

It is too much fruit, but please consider why you associate words like 'greedy' and 'gorging' with your dsd. You really need to reframe that.

I've yet to see a post where the dad is on maternity leave. Meanwhile the mum is part time, has a child from a previous relationship and doesn't bother to care for that child, to the point where the child is ill from eating too much.

I think you're grasping at straws here.

Why? It's greedy. She made herself ill and left none for everyone else.

I don’t know why people get so cross about the word “greedy” on here. It’s just a word that describes a behaviour such as eating so much of something that it makes you ill. Doesn’t matter whether that’s chocolate or satsumas!

English is a complex language, so it is hard to understand the nuance if it’s not your first. That’s not what greed is, greed means an intense and selfish desire for something.

Sorry, what I meant by he is much younger is to say I haven't parented a 7 yr yet, it is just what I think I would do when he is that age. I was not saying that a 9 month old and a 7 year old would have the same appetite. I can see I didn't word it very clearly at all.

I wish I had it all figured out!!

In plain terms greed means taking more than your fair share and leaving others short, or without.

Too much fruit can be unhealthy, fruit sugar is also sugar.

She is 7! It’s on you and DH to portion control not her