Page 4 | But, I want to be back in that bubble.

Kidstvissoloud · 2023-05-03T07:37:52+00:00

Friend and I were talking about when our Dds were younger (now 4) and she said how it was like being in a bubble and not real life..being at home with her Dd, not working etc, she said she’s much happier now. But, I want to be back in the bubble I was in with Dd. I worked all my life, long hours, waited years for Dd to come along. I keep thinking back to those lovely days, just her and I, no rushing, just together. Yes, it was so so hard at times, but now I’m rushing everywhere, she’s at school and it all just ended and seemed to go so quickly. I’m off today for the first time in a long time and i keep thinking back…those really were that happiest days, less real outside stress, just her and I Is it healthy/normal to want to be back inside that bubble?

Thehollygrail · 04/05/2023 08:44

Toddlers

I keep looking at women with tiny newborns feeling a shudder about what is to come, like the Edwardian era before WW1.

Inthedarkagain · 04/05/2023 08:51

sheusesmagazines · 04/05/2023 06:55

YANBU, I just went back to work 3 months ago after my second. I'm not having another. It's depressing, I loved my maternity leave. Now I feel like I'm being pulled in 1000 directions and failing at work( at home, and with the kids.

I know how you feel. You have to spread yourself so thinly. It knocks your confidence.

I know our government want to encourage women working disguised as encouraging equality, but for a lot of women they are working because it is not financially possible to not work or reduce hours. I feel like I haven't had any choice about spending more time with kids due to the cost of living and housing, whereas my parents generation did. I don't think women have it all at all now as many don't have the choice to work, reduce hours or take a career break - it gets dictated by the job you do and childcare fees and whether it is financially viable or not.

I personally think both parents working full time is far too much with young kids and I think us doing it as a family hasn't been good for the kids. We are both chronically stressed, don't even have our own house to show for it. We earn good money too, but it's not enough anymore. I don't know why the government see this as the ideal? Maybe because many of them have hired help? I think they need more workers in the workplace due to an ageing population maybe. That's what the childcare hours changes was about, it was never about helping parents was it?

tattygrl · 09/05/2023 11:22

Inthedarkagain · 04/05/2023 08:51

I know how you feel. You have to spread yourself so thinly. It knocks your confidence.

I know our government want to encourage women working disguised as encouraging equality, but for a lot of women they are working because it is not financially possible to not work or reduce hours. I feel like I haven't had any choice about spending more time with kids due to the cost of living and housing, whereas my parents generation did. I don't think women have it all at all now as many don't have the choice to work, reduce hours or take a career break - it gets dictated by the job you do and childcare fees and whether it is financially viable or not.

I personally think both parents working full time is far too much with young kids and I think us doing it as a family hasn't been good for the kids. We are both chronically stressed, don't even have our own house to show for it. We earn good money too, but it's not enough anymore. I don't know why the government see this as the ideal? Maybe because many of them have hired help? I think they need more workers in the workplace due to an ageing population maybe. That's what the childcare hours changes was about, it was never about helping parents was it?

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I agree with this. Once again, I feel "equality" is something achievable by the rich/well-off, in the sense that you only seem to be able to make real individual choices when you're well funded. Working class or less well-off women aren't, first and foremost, choosing to work because they're following their own passion. That might tie in for a lucky proportion of working women, and I'm glad for them, but it's not the fundamental reason why most women (or men) work. It's need. The upper echelons of society can choose to work based on personal desire. For the rest of us, we're now as women expected to engage in a fulfilling and lucrative career and manage the home and childcare. It's a bag of shite. Feminism hasn't really reached us yet.

On a separate note, I find it so interesting reading everyone's responses on here so interesting. It seems like the common thread is wanting fulfillment (unsurprisingly) and wanting to avoid boredom/drudgery. What's interesting is that some people find boredom and drudgery in being at home/doing family and housework type tasks, and others find it in the working world. Obviously that's a generalisation and we all need a variety and balance in our lives. Personally, I find the world of work to be the most filled with arbitrary, boring and draining tasks, and the world of home and family to be infinitely interesting and rewarding. It's very interesting being able to read peoples' thoughts who feel the opposite.

Inthedarkagain · 09/05/2023 14:38

I'm glad i'm not the only person who feels like someone is pissing on my back and telling me it's raining! I dont think what we have now is feminism at all. If it was we could choose what role we wanted rather than doing them all out of necessity. Same for men. The choice to stay at home is out of reach for them not because of stereotyping, but because of our economic situation. Sadly, I think stressed parents not being able to choose ultimately affects the kids the most. I could have been more present in their upbringing if I wasn't so bloody exhausted all of the time.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 09/05/2023 15:06

Thehollygrail · 03/05/2023 10:43

I loved the 0-12 bubble. 18 months to 3 is so, so hard and exhausting. Hoping the 3-5 bubble will be easier.

Everyone has different experiences but my son is 3.5 and although I’ve enjoyed aspects of it all, it’s the first stage where I’ve really wished he could stay this age forever. He’s perfect, somewhere between a child and a toddler - all the innocence and affection and funny little sayings of a toddler, but not quite as needy. He’s out of nappies, he’s able to follow instructions, he’s able to listen to reason (a bit), fewer tantrums. I just love it. I’m going to miss it so much.

Original poster

Kidstvissoloud · 09/05/2023 16:26

@Inthedarkagain 100%!

I feel like we’ve screwed ourselves over, there’s little choice now, we just do it all

OP posts:

FernGully43 · 09/05/2023 17:10

Reading this thread has made me realise even though it's hard at times, I need to remember to enjoy it. I've got a 2.10 year old and a 3 month old and I'll be not going back to work until youngest is 3. And school doesn't start until 6 years old here

19lottie82 · 09/05/2023 17:17

Bubble? I think you mean not having to work 😂

Flubadubba · 09/05/2023 18:27

IAmTheWalrus85 · 09/05/2023 15:06

Everyone has different experiences but my son is 3.5 and although I’ve enjoyed aspects of it all, it’s the first stage where I’ve really wished he could stay this age forever. He’s perfect, somewhere between a child and a toddler - all the innocence and affection and funny little sayings of a toddler, but not quite as needy. He’s out of nappies, he’s able to follow instructions, he’s able to listen to reason (a bit), fewer tantrums. I just love it. I’m going to miss it so much.

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Same age, and yes!