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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

But, I want to be back in that bubble.

84 replies

Kidstvissoloud · 03/05/2023 08:37

Friend and I were talking about when our Dds were younger (now 4) and she said how it was like being in a bubble and not real life..being at home with her Dd, not working etc, she said she’s much happier now.
But, I want to be back in the bubble I was in with Dd. I worked all my life, long hours, waited years for Dd to come along. I keep thinking back to those lovely days, just her and I, no rushing, just together. Yes, it was so so hard at times, but now I’m rushing everywhere, she’s at school and it all just ended and seemed to go so quickly. I’m off today for the first time in a long time and i keep thinking back…those really were that happiest days, less real outside stress, just her and I
Is it healthy/normal to want to be back inside that bubble?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kidstvissoloud · 03/05/2023 11:15

@dudsville Yes, I think that’s a big part of it too, I love a day when I don’t have to go anywhere or do anything, just stay in pjs and relax in the house and garden. Now it’s all rushed to school twice a day, work, rushed mornings etc..

OP posts:
shivbo2014 · 03/05/2023 11:21

My littlest is 3.5, and starting reception in September, I'll be going back to work. I've absolutely loved this time. I had mine 5 years, so I had the whole day with each of them individually. I'm so sad for this period to be over but also excited for the future. I think the key for me has been to focus on something for myself, so I've started volunteering with homestart and studying for a degree, this will keep me busy and excited for the new way of life!

PetitPorpoise · 03/05/2023 11:42

I much prefer my children now that they're a bit older, with their own ideas and opinions. I'm so proud of them learning at school and finding out what interests them.

I also prefer not having to watch them every second and being able to go to the toilet or make a cup of tea without them trying to injure themselves or scream the place down.

Nordicrain · 03/05/2023 11:44

I sometimes have this feeling. But, for me at least, it's mainly nostalgia. It's easy to look back with rose tinted glasses and forget about the monotony and lack of sleep and being touched out.

I do think finding a work life balance you enjoy helps to not feel like this.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/05/2023 11:49

That sounds so lovely. I wish I’d experienced that with mine, but had to go back to work when they were very small of necessity.

YANBU to want to go back to it - it sounds heavenly.

Rafferty10 · 03/05/2023 11:49

I totally agree op, after working very long hours from age 19 until having DD at 36 l loved being home with her and her brother, it was such a joy, lovely days out and about, and l hated them going to school...l felt so sad dropping them off and so happy collecting them..now DD is almost off to university and l am secretly distraught...... she has been my sunshine for 17 years, luckily l have her brother for 2 more years...
I try to remember how lucky l was to have them all thoses years as I faced huge difficulties and lost 3 pregnancies. Some are not so lucky.

tattygrl · 03/05/2023 12:13

Everyone's different and enjoys/values different things, but it does grate on me when people describe being home with a baby or child as "not real life", as if real life is an office. It's all real, and we're all going to experience each part of life differently. Personally, I get real meaning, value and fulfilment out of low-key, everyday family life at home. Not everyone does. It's all real though, it's all important parts of our lives.

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 03/05/2023 12:17

You're also describing the lockdowns for many - utter bliss.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 03/05/2023 12:38

I didn’t like the early bit at all, I found it extremely tedious. Babies are just very boring to me.

I enjoyed the toddler part, with all the chat and the days out.

What ages are your three under two, @LadyJ2023? It sounds very full on.

Phos · 03/05/2023 12:41

I never really felt like I was in a bubble? Once we'd got past the first few weeks, I needed to get out and about and be part of society, whether it was going to an activity, round to a friend's house or my mums or just out for some fresh air. But I have also never wept and wailed at milestones as I see a number of people doing (maybe more on social media but a little here). I'm happy to watch her growing up and enjoying each new stage rather than moping over stages that have passed.

Teawaster · 03/05/2023 18:39

I loved 0 to 1 year with my twin boys. I took most of a year off work, having not had more than 2 weeks off apart from study leave, for 22 years. I hadn't felt terribly maternal before I had them but I was blown away by how much I enjoyed being at home with them on my own. I had no desire to meet anyone else much. I loved snuggling up, taking them out for walks and I really don't remember hating the endless bottle making , laundry etc . Not having to go to work made it the best time for me ever. I loathed going back to work and never really regained my love of work. The endless rushing about trying to balance everything was not the easiest. Boys are now 21 and I retired 2 years ago, so have more time on my hands. They are still here, sometimes I think they will be forever. The days of taking them for walks and making bottles are long over, but sometimes I think that would be easier to deal with than young adult angst , exam worries etc. I look back on those early days with fondness and even now, at this time of year which is when they were born, when it's a sunny day and I'm out for a stroll on my own , I reminisce about the days I pushed the double buggy along , happy as Larry. DH died 6 years ago so nobody to reminisce with but life moves on.

Original poster
Kidstvissoloud · 03/05/2023 22:51

@Teawaster Lovely memories 🤗

OP posts:
Original poster
Kidstvissoloud · 03/05/2023 22:53

@Teawaster So sorry about your Dh 💐

OP posts:
Teawaster · 03/05/2023 23:51

Kidstvissoloud · 03/05/2023 22:53

@Teawaster So sorry about your Dh 💐

Thank you @Kidstvissoloud

Divorcedalongtime · 03/05/2023 23:52

I miss those early years all the time

MidsummerNightsDream · 03/05/2023 23:56

I feel that way most of the time and my children are 16 and 19 now! I still cherish every minute that I spend in their company. I always knew that those days when they were little would be the best days of my life and they were.

ididntknowthat11 · 03/05/2023 23:58

Feeling all teary eyed and nostalgic reading this.....but in reality I found it a massive struggle.

I do have lots of lovely memories from that time. But also a lot of tearful frustration and loneliness (friends/family mostly at work) and utter exhaustion.

funinthesun19 · 04/05/2023 00:13

I’ve been feeling a lot like this lately. My boys are all older now (12, 10 and 8) and I really miss them being little. It was like a different life back then. So calm and so happy.

My daughter is 4 and starts school in September. I love my afternoons with her after she finishes nursery. I still get that bubble vibe when it’s just the two of us and we can do little trips to the park and ice cream etc. I love it and I will miss her so much when she goes to school. I’m lucky because she’s a September baby, so I’m currently enjoying the extra year with her as she just missed the year group above her.

But in general, life is a lot more hectic these days with the boys being older and in school. So it’s never truly stress free like it was say, 10 years ago.

ClairDeLaLune · 04/05/2023 00:31

YANBU. That time was lovely. But lots of other times are lovely too. You have plenty to look forward to OP, watching your DD grow and be her own person. Don’t dwell too much on the past, enjoy the moment. Every moment.

Saschka · 04/05/2023 00:41

I loved maternity leave, and would happily have stayed off for another year. But it is pretty different to being a full time SAHM because - you are still getting paid. You know there is an end in sight. You don’t lose your identity because your job is still waiting for you.

I loved the newborn phase, but then DS was also an absolutely adorable, angelic toddler, and I’d still a very affectionate, kind and funny little boy. Fully expecting the teen years to be horrendous! But honestly what I miss is being able to spend all day with him, rather than any specific age.

Loria · 04/05/2023 01:00

OP it sounds like there were certain aspects of that time that enabled you to feel at peace. Not all of them as you say yourself but some.

I wonder if it is worth you taking the time to explore what it is about those aspects that chimed with you. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your child. Maybe focusing on the parts that are especially lovely could enable you to incorporate interactions between the two of you in the future that will strengthen your relationship as you both grow and develop.

I get that there is always a certain sadness for good times gone by, but the good times we had we can use as templates for good times in the future. Please don't be sad about creating a template that equips you to do this, even if the time you spent creating that template is now over.

EmmaEmerald · 04/05/2023 01:01

I don't have children

But my earliest memories of just being passed from one parental lap to another...still makes me sentimental. I was a happy little kid which seems amazing now!

They are remarkable moments in time, so we treasure them.

MeinKraft · 04/05/2023 01:09

It is a really lovely special time and toddlers are adorable. Even my 22 month old DDs temper tantrums are cute! But I enjoy getting to know them as they grow into themselves and there is so much to treasure when they start school. It is amazing when they learn to read and write and they surprise you all the time when you think wow, how did you know that word! Like when I sat down with DS in a restaurant when he was just turned 5 and he read his way down the menu! You have all the nativity plays, Christmas mornings, snuggly lie ins together at the weekend, non stressful beach trips (the beach is awful with a baby/toddler) new experiences all the time. I just love the whole thing.

Loria · 04/05/2023 01:16

Ohhhh yes beach trips. When you come home it is heavenly, the smell of a slightly sleepy child (old enough that you haven't spent all day running ten miles around the sand after to prevent drowning/suffocation) as you peel them out of the car, all damp hair, sunscreen, sunshine and happy experiences.

miniegg3 · 04/05/2023 01:17

queenatom · 03/05/2023 10:50

It's strange how everyone feels differently about things! I HATED 0 - 12 months (particularly 0 - 6 months) and so far I'm really loving the toddler times. I'm also so much happier now I'm back at work and not spending every moment of my day looking after my son, I enjoy him so much more now that I know I'll get a break at some point.

Show quote history

I hated it too 😅 not many people seem to say that.. he's currently 5 and I'm loving this age, much more fun and less work