Page 4 | To hate the cat

VioletMissing2 · 2023-05-03T04:12:18+00:00

I feel like the worst person on earth I’ve wanted a cat my entire life, having grown up with them. My mum even fosters for a charity, so I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by cats and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I finally bought my own flat and could get one. So I waited for the right one to adopt. I wanted an older one that would be happy indoors as I’m on the second floor of a house conversion with no direct access to our shared garden. I knew that by getting an old cat he may have some issues, but this has so far surpassed anything Since he arrived, all he has done is scream. He is so loud it is impossible to take calls at home, watch tv and most importantly sleep. Every night for the last two months, he has started screaming at 3am and not finished screaming until 6am. Ear plugs don’t work, and it’s a one bed flat so I can hear him everywhere. My neighbours can hear him. He is extremely loud and it is endless. Nothing will stop him I have tried everything to get him to stop. We have been to the vets three times. He thought he was deaf and while he probably is a little bit, he can still hear everything else. He’s bad expensive arthritis injections which made no difference at all. I’ve changed his food, I’ve changed the timing of his food. I’ve changed his water. I play with him to make sure he’s not bored. Someone thought he might like to be outside, so now I’m taking him out and dragging him back in while he screams at me as I have to carry him a long way to the garden which he hates. I can’t function at work because it’s been 8 weeks of broken sleep for no time at all. My boyfriend can’t stay over anymore because he has to be up early for work and it would be impossible. it’s currently 5am and I have been awake for two hours now. I can hear the cat screaming, I’ve had to lock him in the living room (he has access to everything there). I’ve got ear plugs in and he’s all I can hear AIBU to wish I’d just never got him and to hate him

Chasingadvice · 05/05/2023 11:06

Don't feel bad about yourself and that animal sounds foul.

Mirabai · 05/05/2023 11:07

Various? I thought it was just one. No wonder he’s so distressed. I think you were a bit naive taking him on tbh.

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 05/05/2023 11:40

Chasingadvice · 05/05/2023 11:06

Don't feel bad about yourself and that animal sounds foul.

Think that’s a bit mean to say. He’s not foul. Most of the time he’s really lovely and very affectionate.

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Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 05/05/2023 11:42

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2023 10:44

Hmm - 6 months in ‘various’ foster homes? I think they’ve not been entirely truthful and he’s shown this sort of behaviour before.

But it doesn’t change anything- he’s yours now so you are doing all the right things.
Fwiw, we had an outdoor-loving cat in a couple of flats with no direct garden access (though we had an outdoor stairwell from the front door) and therefore no cat flap, and our boy adapted very easily.

Yes - from a pen to a one room foster to a whole house foster. There’s nothing more to it than that. He was looked after from Jan to March by the whole house foster by a couple who were experienced fosters who cried when he left and I picked him up.

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Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 05/05/2023 11:43

Thank you for this. I will get his thyroid checked, that does seem to be the overwhelming thing I need to do from this thread.

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Emdubz · 05/05/2023 15:07

Chasingadvice · 05/05/2023 11:06

Don't feel bad about yourself and that animal sounds foul.

As do you.

Booklover40 · 05/05/2023 15:08

I had no idea cats could scream!

ilovesooty · 05/05/2023 15:13

Chasingadvice · 05/05/2023 11:06

Don't feel bad about yourself and that animal sounds foul.

Horrible post.

1984Winston · 05/05/2023 15:13

I completely agree get his thyroid checked, If its not that get a behaviourist in before you give up, sounds really hard to deal with though you sound like you are trying everything

Sartre · 05/05/2023 15:16

I think this is a pitfall in adopting older animals in general. They have already had an owner so they get used to a certain person/house/routine and when that gets upset it can cause major behavioural issues.

You’ve obviously tried various methods to help the poor thing but it just isn’t happy in your home. I’d be inclined to return it to the adoption centre. You’re also in a flat so this will be disturbing more than just you.

Emdubz · 05/05/2023 15:22

VioletMissing2 · 05/05/2023 10:31

Thank you for checking in.

unfortunately the last two nights have not been amazing, he is still miaowing a lot although not as loudly. I’ve been letting him go out when I can and leaving him outside which seems to cheer him up. I have bought a feliway plug in and will try the other one mentioned if that doesn’t have more of an effect soon. I’ve also put food out in a timed box for 3am in case he was hungry. For me I just feel like I’m missing something. He rarely seems stressed during the day, just only between 3-6am.

Although I think everyone is very well intentioned by saying I need to return him, he also has digestive issues (this has been quite an easy thing for me to handle with a special diet) but it does mean that with his age and difficulties and the fact he spent six months in various foster homes before coming to me, if I was to return him he would likely just be put down. I don’t think I can handle that on my conscious. I need to at least make sure I have done every single thing possible before I even think of that route.

Some rescue pets are real challenges as I’ve found out myself! Glad though you are giving him every chance as the reward is worth it if you can deal with his issues. I know it can feel defeating at times but the affection is there and I’m sure you’ll get there. He’s been moved around s lot and he’ll recognise you as his stability. Hope you get some better sleep this weekend.

Deathbyfluffy · 05/05/2023 15:26

It's a real shame, but I think you may have to give him back.
Our previous cat was a rescue and never truly settled in - it took months for her just to settle down.

I honestly think you've done your best - so I wouldn't feel bad about it.

longtompot · 05/05/2023 16:47

It sounds like he is being very vocal on his appreciation for you giving him a home😉

But, to be serious, we had a cat who we think was starting to get dementia. She would go upstairs in the night and then not know where she was and howl her head off! She was about 21 when we had to have her pts as she was fitting and not getting better from it.
Before that, though, we would shut her in the living room with a litter tray and her food and water and that seemed to help a bit. Well, it stopped the night time wanderings. If he is vocal at night despite you letting him get to you, have you tried containing him to a smaller area?

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

gamerchick · 03/09/2023 22:22

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

Do you feel better. Resurrecting an old thread to get that off your chest.

Ineedasitdown · 03/09/2023 22:25

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

Are you on the right thread?

Ladybird69 · 03/09/2023 22:30

I haven’t read the full thread but before you take him back just give zylkene a try. I had a cat that would attack me, viscously attack me and as I was going to take him to a nearby stables someone on here told me to try it. Wow his behaviour changed over night and he’s my cuddle buddy now! Good luck for both of you

BlueBellsArePretty · 03/09/2023 22:37

How is the lovely old cat?

BathroomCleaner · 03/09/2023 23:05

My cat used to do this and it was because he was lonely. We got a kitten to keep him company and it stopped.

CandidClarisse · 04/09/2023 00:12

Old thread but I wonder if he ever settled or not?

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 08:31

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

If you actually read this thread, which is very old now, you would see that at no point did I suggest giving him up even when a lot of other people did. It was fully out of the question for me to “abandon him”. I was a good cat owner who struggled massively with being woken up every single night. I think you would too. I came here looking for a bit of compassion. Not to be absolved of guilt, and to see if anyone had any suggestions on how to make it better. Lots of people suggesting “before you taking him back” - I would never have taken him back. They’re not objects you get from shops you can just return: I made a commitment when I got him, I never took myself away from that commitment, I just needed some help and for someone to tell me it would be okay.

After three vet trips, the cat was diagnosed with a mega colon which explains why he screamed at night. He was put on two tablets a day, which combined with a feliway and a special organic diet meant he slept all through the night and was a very happy cat for nearly three months. He was spoilt rotten, and adored. I never once gave up on him. I tried everything. I loved him to bits and this thread was clearly written in a desperate form of love, I desperately wanted him to feel better for everyone’s sake.

unfortunately, after three quite happy months for him, he was still unable to poo on his own. The vet advised that his only option was to be put down. The other option was an expensive operation which he would not have survived due to his age and excessive complications. When he was unable to poo on his own he was in a lot of pain, which was very distressing for him.

He had a very lovely death, but before that he spent five months living with me, and even though I may have struggled at times, he never knew I did. He had everything he wanted, which is better than the alternative (he was on the streets before me).

Your post takes is actually gross, if you want people to tell you how brilliant you are for rehoming dogs then here you go, here’s your gold star. I will be getting another cat because I loved this cat, despite everything he was adored. I cry most days about how much I miss him. I have a lot of love and I know how to look after a cat.

I hope you never have to struggle like I did when I first got my cat. I hope all your dogs have lived healthy lives and not had an undiagnosed medical condition causing them pain.

not really sure about your point about lockdown - I got my cat in 2023. If you’re coming here just to use my post as a rant, I suggest you buy a soapbox and f**k off to it?

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marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 04/09/2023 08:37

@Feraldogmum You should be ashamed of yourself. The poster herself said she had no intention of doing that, as she'd feel guilty, early in the thread.

Treepigeon · 04/09/2023 09:18

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

Oh please drop the sanctimonious nonsense.

To suggest people should live their lives really struggling with a situation they can't cope with is really ott. Any of us could end up in a situation where we could have to consider rehoming a pet. You have had 6 dogs. What would happen is you suddenly got very sick and ended up in a position where you could no longer care or walk them long term?

OP is really trying with this cat. Sometimes things don't work out and it's very sad. She doesn't have to feel guilty for trying and it not working out.

itsmyp4rty · 04/09/2023 09:34

What a sad but also lovely update OP, well done for managing to get to the bottom of what was going on and giving your dc a good few months. No one with any sense could doubt your love and dedication. I for one would have given up long before.

Yellowlegobrick · 04/09/2023 09:43

20 quid says he did it at the fosterers too. They wouldn't tell you when you adopted him. Why would they? Who'd adopt an older cat that is wailing/howling 24/7?

Take him back. There's something clearly not right and they will 100% have known about it.