Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the cat

115 replies

VioletMissing2 · 03/05/2023 05:12

I feel like the worst person on earth

I’ve wanted a cat my entire life, having grown up with them. My mum even fosters for a charity, so I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by cats and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I finally bought my own flat and could get one. So I waited for the right one to adopt. I wanted an older one that would be happy indoors as I’m on the second floor of a house conversion with no direct access to our shared garden. I knew that by getting an old cat he may have some issues, but this has so far surpassed anything

Since he arrived, all he has done is scream. He is so loud it is impossible to take calls at home, watch tv and most importantly sleep. Every night for the last two months, he has started screaming at 3am and not finished screaming until 6am. Ear plugs don’t work, and it’s a one bed flat so I can hear him everywhere. My neighbours can hear him. He is extremely loud and it is endless. Nothing will stop him

I have tried everything to get him to stop. We have been to the vets three times. He thought he was deaf and while he probably is a little bit, he can still hear everything else. He’s bad expensive arthritis injections which made no difference at all. I’ve changed his food, I’ve changed the timing of his food. I’ve changed his water. I play with him to make sure he’s not bored. Someone thought he might like to be outside, so now I’m taking him out and dragging him back in while he screams at me as I have to carry him a long way to the garden which he hates. I can’t function at work because it’s been 8 weeks of broken sleep for no time at all. My boyfriend can’t stay over anymore because he has to be up early for work and it would be impossible.

it’s currently 5am and I have been awake for two hours now. I can hear the cat screaming, I’ve had to lock him in the living room (he has access to everything there). I’ve got ear plugs in and he’s all I can hear

AIBU to wish I’d just never got him and to hate him

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 03/05/2023 09:57

vcocalising may mean the cat is unhappy or unwell, but not necessarily, particularly as this cat has been checked as by a vet several times. It might just be a noisy cat,

Original poster
VioletMissing2 · 03/05/2023 12:22

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 03/05/2023 07:58

Have you tried medication?

I’ve not really known which medication to put him on. Every time he’s been to the vets they’ve declared him incredibly healthy for his age, which is why the arthritis injection was tried, but it hasn’t helped. I’ll have to go back

OP posts:
Original poster
VioletMissing2 · 03/05/2023 12:23

delilabell · 03/05/2023 06:03

Have you tried feliway? It helps feline anxiety. It's like crack for cats

No, I will get some today

OP posts:
delilabell · 03/05/2023 12:24

@VioletMissing2 I'd get several. They're expensive but if you have tjem on in tje areas he wanders crying it might help.

ittakes2 · 03/05/2023 12:47

cats are nocturnal so its not surprising he is active around this time and when my cats cry during the night its because they are lonely. Does he have access to your bedroom at night time?

Wolfiefan · 03/05/2023 12:49

My elderly cat started to act like this. She was diagnosed with a thyroid issue.

fuckedupbugtime · 03/05/2023 12:57

In laws cat did this, they thought dementia. She could be shut away where it isn't disturb them. An animal should be a pleasant occupation but a nightmare. This us making you ill and ruining your relationship. Send him cable and don't hate yourself. You don't deserve to be made ill by this.

HuntingoftheSnark · 03/05/2023 13:19

I had a thread a few weeks ago on the Litter Tray on this subject - I think I called it Feline Dementia? My cat will be 18 in about a week's time and has started doing this over the last couple of months. Generally it only lasts for a few minutes though, and attention normally restores her to her usual self. Having said that, when I work from the office I have no idea. That sounds really difficult - I've had mine from a kitten so the change has been very noticeable. Hope that one of the PPs suggestions help.

theGooHasGone · 03/05/2023 14:23

I also wanted to point out that our cat was 10 when we got him and is now 13. The official diagnosis we came up with was that he was understandably scared and anxious because of the number of different homes he'd been in and returned from. I think he'd been hit in the past too because of his aggression.

He was on Prozac for about a year all told but slowly had his dose reduced (by the vet, with our input) and he doesn't take it any more. It wasn't easy and tested our patience a lot, but he's the sweetest, most loving guy now.

mistermagpie · 03/05/2023 14:36

Is he a Bengal cat by any chance? I have bengals and they are... erm... chatty. Even the vet says he can tell when they have a Bengal on the premises without even looking because they are so noisy!

Anyway, one of my is an old fella too (14) and being honest I would never adopt a cat of this age. I've had mine since he was a kitten so we obviously have a great bond, but he has become increasingly neurotic the older he's got and will wail for attention if I leave the room, or he leaves the room himself and forgets that it was him who left! I work from home which makes meetings fun with him shouting in the background...

My solutions are mainly to give him whatever he wants. Mine is skinny so I feed him all the time and he has a heated mat to lie on (Amazon, worth every penny) and gets loads of attention. He seems less noisy the more secure he is, so it might take work at your end to get your cat to feel safe and then he might calm down a bit.

If it's not going to work then consider returning him, but you have done a good thing adopting an elderly animal - not many people would - and it would be nice if you could try a few more things before admitting defeat.

mistermagpie · 03/05/2023 14:38

Also, it's not really typical cat behaviour to wail like this if they are ill or in pain, they usually go and hide or become very withdrawn. So it more likely to be stress.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 03/05/2023 14:38

VioletMissing2 · 03/05/2023 09:12

Thanks all for responses. I’ve woken up and feel awful about saying I hate him.

he is an older cat - 15. Apart from the screaming he doesn’t show any other signs of dementia. I don’t feel like I’ve done enough to return to him yet. He’s been through a lot this year and deserved some stability before I just chuck the towel in. I’m just at a loss as to what else to try and do. There are a lot of moments throughout the day of genuine affection from him, and calmness, a real 80/20 split in behaviour. It’s just the 20 is pretty terrible.

Thank you for not giving up on him. Hopefully some calming medication will do the trick. Don’t feel bad, it’s hard if you can’t get full sleep. I hope it all works out ok for you and the cat

broadsurf · 03/05/2023 17:05

Well, I agree with the general advice of the most of the others which is to rehome your cat as he is very unhappy for whatever reason. He may be ill but you have seen a vet and he did not diagnose illness it seems to me. I sense the problem is that he is confined to a flat. He needs to be an indoor/outdoor cat which is why rehoming may settle him down. Good luck. Sorry to hear the problem.

spurs4ever · 03/05/2023 17:15

Feliway is a godsend, it may take a couple of weeks to work. It also might need a second opinion from a different vet, I hope you manage to get something sorted x

SallyWD · 03/05/2023 17:18

Feliway did absolutely nothing for my cat but Zylkene worked a treat. You can get it on amazon

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 03/05/2023 17:19

Poor old boy. Mine is incredibly vocal, never was as a kitten and young adult. Now he's an old man he screams and yowls and chatters and howls. His nn is Vocal Mo! Sometimes ignoring him works and sometimes he needs a cuddle and a treat, or someone to watch him eat to feel safe (daft git). It's okay to admit it's deeply annoying when they're doing it at 4am on your bed though.

Floralnomad · 03/05/2023 17:23

If you haven’t done so during your trips to the vets I’d get all his bloods checked just in case . Was he used to being a solo cat ?

blubberball · 03/05/2023 17:36

What kind of cat is he? I work at an animal charity, and some breeds of cats seem to be more vocal than others.

Magicmama92 · 03/05/2023 18:25

Is it just at night?
Maybe the darkness and quietness at night freaks kitty.
I have some plug in night lights as my Labrador gets scared 😂 she's only a baby but I think sometimes they just like the extra comfort. I know that they can see well in the dark etc but maybe if your cats older it could be worth trying in case of dementia and eyesight of it's the dark and quiet making it anxious xx

PainAuChocowhat · 03/05/2023 18:37

Agree with some PP in terms of getting a blood test by the vets, that’s assuming one hasn’t been done, to check his thyroid function. Our older cat used to wake us around 4am yowling continually because of hyperthyroidism.

MysteryBelle · 03/05/2023 18:37

Do you ever pet and cuddle the cat? May be lonely.

Have you tried a cat treat called Temptations? I have never seen anything make cats so happy and I’ve been around cats always too. We joke it’s like meth for cats.

Take cat to the shelter and let someone else try.

I got our cat as a kitten and he is the best cat I’ve ever had. Try a kitten or two kittens that can play together.

We need to see the cat to better understand the situation. And a video of the sound.

AnnieSaxophone · 03/05/2023 18:50

Has he been neutered and is he hungry? Do you give him free access to food etc?

AnnieSaxophone · 03/05/2023 18:51

And does he have toys he enjoys playing with?

RuthTopp · 03/05/2023 18:55

We have a cat who we've had since she was a kitten and who is now 10.
She has never been a lap cat and it quite a loner. She will also go through stages of acting very timid and hiding or hissing at you. We find Felliway a help , and also Yumove Cat Calm capsules ( you open them up and mix into wet cat food also helps.)

moomoomoo27 · 03/05/2023 19:40

It honestly sounds like looking after an older cat isn't for you. A lot of them need a lot of care in old age.

Our last cat has just died of cancer. It was horrific. We saw her decline hour by hour. At one point she was sneezing blood over us, our walls, everything we owned. Our second to last cat had a heart issue. We medicated him round the clock, including in the middle of the night for over a year. He had a seizure in front of us. One peed up everything forever for years. We've had cat food up the walls from me following one around with a syringe trying to get one to eat. One year our five between them had around 9-10 different illnesses and we paid over £15k in vet and emergency vet bills.

4 hours sleep for yelling is nothing, but I agree there's an underlying issue that hasn't been found (and possibly won't be until it turns into something worse). It sounds like you haven't bonded with the cat though and you'd both be happier with rehoming and getting a younger one.