To hate the cat

[VioletMissing2]

I feel like the worst person on earth

I’ve wanted a cat my entire life, having grown up with them. My mum even fosters for a charity, so I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by cats and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I finally bought my own flat and could get one. So I waited for the right one to adopt. I wanted an older one that would be happy indoors as I’m on the second floor of a house conversion with no direct access to our shared garden. I knew that by getting an old cat he may have some issues, but this has so far surpassed anything

Since he arrived, all he has done is scream. He is so loud it is impossible to take calls at home, watch tv and most importantly sleep. Every night for the last two months, he has started screaming at 3am and not finished screaming until 6am. Ear plugs don’t work, and it’s a one bed flat so I can hear him everywhere. My neighbours can hear him. He is extremely loud and it is endless. Nothing will stop him

I have tried everything to get him to stop. We have been to the vets three times. He thought he was deaf and while he probably is a little bit, he can still hear everything else. He’s bad expensive arthritis injections which made no difference at all. I’ve changed his food, I’ve changed the timing of his food. I’ve changed his water. I play with him to make sure he’s not bored. Someone thought he might like to be outside, so now I’m taking him out and dragging him back in while he screams at me as I have to carry him a long way to the garden which he hates. I can’t function at work because it’s been 8 weeks of broken sleep for no time at all. My boyfriend can’t stay over anymore because he has to be up early for work and it would be impossible.

it’s currently 5am and I have been awake for two hours now. I can hear the cat screaming, I’ve had to lock him in the living room (he has access to everything there). I’ve got ear plugs in and he’s all I can hear

AIBU to wish I’d just never got him and to hate him

You said he was at a foster home ,i belive
he won’t of known it was a foster home
he will of thought he was actually home
at 15 ,i actually think it was a bit mean of the foster family to let him go
he must just want to go home
can you ask the foster family to take him back ,15 is quite old to have to adapt to a new home

I have a 23yr old boy who has a thyroid issue and a touch of dementia, he has moments where he screams for what appears to be no reason. We have however learnt over the years that if we talk to him and tell him when leave the room it helps, lol. I have to tell him when I’m going to bed and make sure he sees me go up the stairs, if we don’t do it he wanders around the house screaming the place down when he realises he’s on his own. Same applies in the daytime if he is asleep and then wakes up in a room on his own he shouts until he can see me. He can’t go a whole night without waking one of us for a cuddle, usually a 4am tap on the face! He needs to be fed as soon as someone moves in the morning, anything after 530am is breakfast time even if you are only turning over in bed and he doesn’t stop until you get up and feed him, he also thinks it’s food time the minute anyone walks in the front door as he associates this with pre covid time and people coming home from work, he doesn’t understand working from home. Anyway I think the point I am trying to make is he might just be a bit of a grumpy old man stuck in his ways that needs a bit of reassurance. If you haven’t had his thyroid checked ask the vet to do the bloods needed, If he has a thyroid issue it may be that he’s hungry by 3am everyday and that’s why he is so unsettled at that time.

Try reading some books on cat behaviour really are helpful.
also you can look at how they position their body so you can tell if sad,happy,in pain etc.
try a cat behaviourist.
try holistic vet
try reiki.🌈

It sounds like, if he doesn’t have dementia - and that is not usually sudden onset, that the change is just too much for him at his age.

Can he go back to the fosterers?

Thank you I will get that checked

Yes he does

Zylkene worked for ours (and tablets for a thyroid issue). He yowled for hours before that. Plus, and I know this sounds crazy, we used to leave a light on in the lounge (where he slept) and the radio on low. A vet told us this helped and it did.

For OP?

Thank you to everyone for not making me feel like a completely heartless bitch. I don’t hate him, I was just so upset at another broken night of sleep. It’s been a difficult few days.

Ive bought some feliway and will see how that goes, will get his thyroid checked and I’ve let him outside for a few hours this evening independently and he’s found his way home. It’ll be a bit difficult navigating that in a second story flat with no direct access to the shared garden but if it makes him happy then I’ll have to find a way to navigate it.

Theres lots of suggestions here and I will look through them all. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being understanding.

Hes woken me up on a double dose of sleeping tablet so god knows what I’d need haha!

Lol I was going to also ask if he has any Bengal in him , we adopted very old cat ... part Bengal 😂 he didn't stop crying for at least 3 hrs after we got him . He would also cry when stressed , hungry , needed the loo, car rides . Loved him to bits but would drive me nuts . Have you tried playing with toys to tire him out ? Is he getting enough food ? Has he got a covered bed or box so he can feel safe ? Poor cat is obviously stressed out & may lead to other issues if you don't find a solution. It's not your fault 💓 just not a good match for you x

As others have said, could be dementia; this happened with one of my older cats when he’d feel disorientated.

I’ve just re-homed a street cat and he is VERY vocal. He chirps and miaows and announces everything; if he’s hungry, if he lies down, if he gets in his litter tray, if he changes position 😁 it’s all announced. And he becomes particularly vocal around 4am 😞

If drives my partner mad but I can zone it out. I’ve only had him 5 weeks so I think he’s still settling and doesn’t sleep soundly as he’s still on high alert. He’s a character though and I try to put myself in his shoes and think how strange it probably still feels to him. You’re doing good 👍🏼 you’re trying to work out what he needs. I know it’s difficult but hopefully a vet can check him out and you can then know for definite if it’s illness related or habit. Good luck x

Hi - What sort of night did you have with him ? Hopefully a better one.

@Char2210 lovely post, I am taking some tips from that, thank you. Hoping that my almost 18 year old reaches 23.

Had to create an account just to comment, sounds like sundowning (dementia) .. my mums dog of 14 years was put to sleep last month, he had multiple health issues including sundown and between 8pm and 5am it was horrendous. He would get himself in such a state then by 5:30 it was like nothing happened. Not much you can do with this one but worth mentioning to the vet. Shocked they haven’t explored this though as the symptoms are all there x

And Feliway takes a couple of days to work. I had more than one plugged in as they only cover x amount of space.

Broken sleep is awful. I hope the Feliway helps. Maybe the occasional bit of catnip too? He’s not getting a break from his stress either, so a wee bit of cat drugs might not go amiss.

OP I don't think you can keep him. It sounds like you have tried everything.
You can't go on with the lack of sleep, and it's not fair on your neighbours.

Cats are in the 'now' they don't really have a sense of 'being through alot'

Not the cat for you.

Have you ever read The Cat Site, OP? There are lots of articles and threads on feline dementia there (link to search results on the site). Might have more advice and information for you. Good luck!

I'd agree with this.

When he was with his foster family did they have another cat?

When my sister’s cat died my cat grieved. Is it possible your cat is grieving from missing another cat friend?

Could you get a little kitten for your cat to bond with. My sister’s cat was older when I got my kitten from a friend who’s cat had kittens and no one wanted him because he was the runt of the litter. At first older cat was a bit miffed at the new addition to our family but they became really close. He went from annoyed to amused at kitten’s antics to smug when kitten couldn’t follow him and jump up onto high things to absolute affection for one another.

Poor cat and poor you!

There are dementia meds for dogs, are there for cats?

Try feliway anxiety plug units a new high strength one for anxious cats.
Zylkine is a great natural stress reliever in cats too. Kind of kitty Prozac.

Or Dorwest herbs skullcap and valerian. My anxious cat has them and he's so much more chilled but I know what his stressor is

Good luck xx

Thank you for checking in.

unfortunately the last two nights have not been amazing, he is still miaowing a lot although not as loudly. I’ve been letting him go out when I can and leaving him outside which seems to cheer him up. I have bought a feliway plug in and will try the other one mentioned if that doesn’t have more of an effect soon. I’ve also put food out in a timed box for 3am in case he was hungry. For me I just feel like I’m missing something. He rarely seems stressed during the day, just only between 3-6am.

Although I think everyone is very well intentioned by saying I need to return him, he also has digestive issues (this has been quite an easy thing for me to handle with a special diet) but it does mean that with his age and difficulties and the fact he spent six months in various foster homes before coming to me, if I was to return him he would likely just be put down. I don’t think I can handle that on my conscious. I need to at least make sure I have done every single thing possible before I even think of that route.

Thank you this is something I haven’t heard of but would make sense with him. I’ll research.

Hmm - 6 months in ‘various’ foster homes? I think they’ve not been entirely truthful and he’s shown this sort of behaviour before.

But it doesn’t change anything- he’s yours now so you are doing all the right things.
Fwiw, we had an outdoor-loving cat in a couple of flats with no direct garden access (though we had an outdoor stairwell from the front door) and therefore no cat flap, and our boy adapted very easily.