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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner told me to stop making a scene .....aibu?

100 replies

zerofgiven · 02/05/2023 13:53

We went away for the bank holiday weekend.
It was £250 for two nights room only in the city centre of Manchester.
Anyway get to the hotel (we have stayed before ) and checked in
Got to the room and was met with the loudest outdoor air con units right outside our window.
Our view was literally air con units.
The air con was off in the room but the noise from them sounded like a plane taking off.
It was a tiny room right at the end of corridor and you couldn't even get into both sides of the bed.
There was no way I could sleep with that noise.
So I rang reception and the said straight away "oh yeah we get lots of people wanting to switch rooms "and to go down to reception and speak with manager.
Get off the phone to be met by my partner saying "I was making a scene and he was too embarrassed to go down to reception "
I don't understand I wasn't shouting,I was so polite
I said "hi we are on room 207 and just checked in ,explained the noise and the fact we were light sleepers and asked if anything could be done to move us to another room "

So partner wouldn't come to reception he literally hid on the landing whilst I went in
Manager was lovely and switched us rooms and apologised -no issue
Was I wrong to do this?
Should I just have stayed in that room and not slept ?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 02/05/2023 14:41

Your Partner sounds like a wet lettuce!

Nice name btw

SmallFerret · 02/05/2023 14:42

EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 02/05/2023 14:00

I get this from my stbxdh. He likes to police my conduct with other people. He’d rather seethe about a problem and take it out on me than request anything from others.

I had one of those too Emma. Note past tense.

He once waited til we were walking into my flat after a convivial pub evening with chums to inform me that "I was ASHAMED of you this evening".

He expected me to grovel to find out why, how I could fix it, what was wrong with me & what I needed to do to be a worthy person, while he lorded it over me with the Narcissistic Smirk. I was starting to wise up around then, & had the drink taken, so just told him "really? You know where the front door is."

Cue silence, & the fictitious embarassment wasn't mentioned again.

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:43

What a bunch of absolutely horrid posters. I mean obviously OP wasn't 'making a scene' and her DH is just afraid of confrontation. But what in the world is the justification for being so nasty about him?

Does all of you realise this is another woman's DH you're talking about? Someone who might otherwise be in a loving and happy relationship, and now her view of her nearest and dearest is coloured by your nastiness?

If only people would exercise a drop of sense, and dare I say kindness before they opened their traps.

Dinoswearunderpants · 02/05/2023 14:44

Your partner sounds so weak. No way would I deal with that! You wasn't unreasonable at all.

SavBlancTonight · 02/05/2023 14:48

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:43

What a bunch of absolutely horrid posters. I mean obviously OP wasn't 'making a scene' and her DH is just afraid of confrontation. But what in the world is the justification for being so nasty about him?

Does all of you realise this is another woman's DH you're talking about? Someone who might otherwise be in a loving and happy relationship, and now her view of her nearest and dearest is coloured by your nastiness?

If only people would exercise a drop of sense, and dare I say kindness before they opened their traps.

I'm not sure I'd call asking a hotel's reception desk if I could move rooms "confrontation".

I get what you're saying but honestly, it's ridiculous. And too many of us have seen men like this who then ALSo punish their partners for actually getting shit done. The silent treatment, the over-compensation that she has to do to make him feel better etc etc.

OP wouldn't be posting here in the first place if it was all a bit silly.

SmallFerret · 02/05/2023 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NBLarsen · 02/05/2023 14:49

You weren't making a scene! You are a customer asking for decent experience. Nothing at all wrong with what you did. Your DH should learn to stand up for himself.

Was this the Mercure by any chance? If so I have stayed in the same room!

Topseyt123 · 02/05/2023 14:50

You weren't making a scene. Nothing about what you did or said was at all unreasonable. Tell him to pipe down and then ignore any further such comments.

TokyoSushi · 02/05/2023 14:50

Of course it's absolutely fine! I used to be a Front Desk Manager in a Manchester city centre hotel it happens multiple times a day, total non issue!

Laiste · 02/05/2023 14:51

You did the right thing and your partner is a wet blanket.

If they can't back you up in a simple scenario like this i wouldn't want them as a life partner.

Redraddisho27 · 02/05/2023 14:52

Was this a hotel in Nottingham? We also had this problem, it sounded like a plane taking off!

Topseyt123 · 02/05/2023 14:52

Redraddisho27 · 02/05/2023 14:52

Was this a hotel in Nottingham? We also had this problem, it sounded like a plane taking off!

She did say Manchester.

TheKobayashiMaru · 02/05/2023 14:53

Very unattractive behaviour by your DP. What you did was fine.

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:54

And too many of us have seen men like this who then ALSo punish their partners for actually getting shit done. The silent treatment, the over-compensation that she has to do to make him feel better etc etc.

I get what you're saying but honestly it's just projecting your own experiences on to someone else. There's no hint of any of this applying to the OP.

I'm pretty sure some people just don't care about potential lives they might be wrecking, just as long as they can get their proxy revenge.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 02/05/2023 14:55

Lifes hard, it's easier when your partner has something between his legs.

This kind of thing gives you the ick.

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Out of curiosity, do you actually think your reply was clever and witty?

kingtamponthefurred · 02/05/2023 14:56

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:43

What a bunch of absolutely horrid posters. I mean obviously OP wasn't 'making a scene' and her DH is just afraid of confrontation. But what in the world is the justification for being so nasty about him?

Does all of you realise this is another woman's DH you're talking about? Someone who might otherwise be in a loving and happy relationship, and now her view of her nearest and dearest is coloured by your nastiness?

If only people would exercise a drop of sense, and dare I say kindness before they opened their traps.

Guess who is also married to a wimp?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2023 14:56

The problem is not his fear of confrontation, however mild. The problem is his insistence that you be like him. His is not the 'right way'. It's OK to be completely avoidant if you put up with shit. But expecting someone else to channel Elsa and let it go when they are capable of asking for things they need isn't acceptable.

DH likes me to be the one who does this stuff, and TBF he's a broken-nosed, shaven-headed black belt so people prefer I do it too! But he is proud, not ashamed, I get shit done.

DD sometimes cringes but that's a perfectly average reaction for a tween, not a grown man.

Silvers11 · 02/05/2023 14:56

AbraKedavra · 02/05/2023 14:43

What a bunch of absolutely horrid posters. I mean obviously OP wasn't 'making a scene' and her DH is just afraid of confrontation. But what in the world is the justification for being so nasty about him?

Does all of you realise this is another woman's DH you're talking about? Someone who might otherwise be in a loving and happy relationship, and now her view of her nearest and dearest is coloured by your nastiness?

If only people would exercise a drop of sense, and dare I say kindness before they opened their traps.

I agree with this 100%. My Husband too hates confrontation of ANY kind - even polite ones and in this scenario it would have been me asking for a room change too. He hates me doing it and tends to make himself scarce - but he's always happy with the end result. He's a lovely man and we've been married nearly 30 years. No-one is perfect!

Shopper727 · 02/05/2023 14:57

He’s just a bit wimp that couldn’t/wouldn’t sort it out himself I’d have left him in that noisy room

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2023 14:58

Does he tell you to stop making a scene @Silvers11 ? Shame you?

No? Then it's not the same. Hiding and congratulating you is endearing. Shaming and blaming you wouldn't be.

BiddyPop · 02/05/2023 14:59

I often travel on my own, not even with someone else whose feelings I need to take into consideration.

Often I am happy with inconvenient rooms.

But noisy air con units right outside are 1 reason I will ask to move.

A room that is not fit for purpose (that you can't even walk around the bed?!) and that they easily changed sounds like a no-brainer to have asked about. And it sounds like you asked politely and got a measured and good customer service response to that request.

But it sounds like the room they sell at the end of a Friday or Saturday night when someone who has been on the lash and wants a bed rather than trying to get home is given. Not one for an enjoyable 2 night stay.

fussychica · 02/05/2023 15:00

Idiot, and I don't mean you!

Lockheart · 02/05/2023 15:00

OP wasn't making a scene, her DH isn't in the wrong for not liking confrontation. There's no need to make digs. Not everyone is confident.

Deadpalm · 02/05/2023 15:03

I am 10000% sure we had number of threads from women in DH's situation....
Usually not new usernames though

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