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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like MIL's dog

72 replies

Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 11:56

I have a baby, and I have always been scared of dogs. Not sure why, maybe I have heard too many death stories.

My partner wants our baby to have a close relationship with his parents dog. But it makes me nervous every time the dog gets close to our baby.

How do I stop my baby from having any contact with their dog? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
CindersAgain · 02/05/2023 11:57

Is it well trained? If it’s a normal family breed and well trained then I think you need to be careful you don’t pass your fear on.

CindersAgain · 02/05/2023 11:59

Having said that, I don’t think a baby needs to have much to do with a dog. But when they are old enough to be gentle with it then you would usually supervise interaction.

Olive19741205 · 02/05/2023 11:59

Does your MIL know you have a fear of dogs? If not, just tell her. I'm not too keen on dogs either, I'd feel the same as you.

takealettermsjones · 02/05/2023 12:01

Why does a baby need a "close relationship" with a dog? It's not a cuddly toy. Babies and dogs should be kept apart. Children can learn to be around dogs safely, little by little and under supervision.

Theunamedcat · 02/05/2023 12:02

A baby doesn't need a close relationship with a dog

Gymmum82 · 02/05/2023 12:02

Don’t pass your fear of dogs on to your child. Don’t pass your fear of anything on to your child. Unless the dog is aggressive I see no reason why it can’t be around children and unless you refuse to visit you’re not going to be able to stop the dog and baby from being in contact.
Living life with a fear of something that you cannot stop coming in to contact with is very limiting. Don’t do that to your kid

xyxygy · 02/05/2023 12:02

Genuine question: do you want your child to have the same fear of dogs that you do?

There isn't really any danger, assuming the dog's been well-socialised, as long as there is close supervision (just like there should always be when children of any age are around dogs).

The solution to "the dog problem" as described on here ad nauseam is not keeping children away from dogs, it's teaching them from a very early age how to interact with them safely and responsibly.

35965a · 02/05/2023 12:02

A baby doesn’t need a close relationship with any random pet. Your DH is the problem here.

Trinityloop · 02/05/2023 12:03

I think it depends on what your boundaries and reasons are.

It's completely fine to ask that the dog doesn't lick the baby for example but not that your baby and the dog never meet.

The likelihood is that if you visit mil, the dog will be present. Is she doing any form of childcare at all?

What is it dh wants to encourage?

Obviously all bets are off if its not child friendly

LobsterBiscuit · 02/05/2023 12:03

Waiting for the drip feed that it's an XL bully 🙄

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 12:07

Can see both sides here. Being scared of dogs makes life more difficult than it need be. So don't let your fear transmit to your child. If you mil and dh can organise safe (for dog and child) interactions, let them get on with it.

Original poster
Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 12:16

The dog is a working dog breed apparently, and it just randomly kills pigeons and mice when it's out and about. The dog is kind enough, but barks at my baby if the in laws are carrying her. Also the dog cannot be on a lead because it hates it.

My partner loves dogs, and wants to show how 'great' they are. I don't want to pass on my fear, but I also think I don't want an accident to happen.

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/05/2023 12:16

My partner wants our baby to have a close relationship with his parents dog.

This is a weird 'want'. Babies don't have close relationships with dogs Confused What is he wanting to do? Have the baby lay about with the dog like you see in these bloody silly media photos? Hard no to that.

I think in your shoes i would not tolerate anything like the above, but would be alright with the dog in the same room with the baby in my arms. Maybe let it sniff the blanket.

When the child is toddling it can pat the dog. Is this what he sees as 'close'?

What breed is the dog btw?

flutterbyebaby · 02/05/2023 12:17

Your partner sounds like an idiot

DollyPlop · 02/05/2023 12:18

Why do people on dog threads always refuse to say what the breed is 🙄 and yes it matters

pigsDOfly · 02/05/2023 12:18

If your DH wants your baby to have a close relationship with his parents' dog then he needs to ensure that each and every interaction is closely supervised, that he (DH) learns and knows how to read a dog's body language and stress signals, and this is vital, that your child is never allowed to hug the dog or climb all over it.

The number of video you see on sites like Facebook of children with their arms hugging tightly around a dog's neck, or children sitting or standing on dogs is horrific.

Especially, when you look at the dog's face and all the signs that the dog is stressed and hating every minute of the interaction are clearly apparent in its eyes, but clearly the dog's owners are too stupid to know better or understand what their dog is telling them; then when the dog bites they're shocked and horrified, because he's 'lovely with children and he's never done that before'.

Dogs are animals and all animals are unpredictable. Children need to be taught to respect the idea of animals' boundaries. When they have been taught these things then a child can have a close relationship with a dog.

But even then small children must never be left alone with a dog.

Original poster
Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 12:20

Working cocker spaniel.

Any thoughts on this breed?

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/05/2023 12:21

If it's barking when the inlaws hold the baby i'd be wary. To be honest.

I don't want to fuel your anxiety but in my opinion it's showing a lot of awareness of the baby. That doesn't mean it's waiting to hurt the child but IMO it's a slightly different kettle of fish to a dog who appears more oblivious to the presence of the baby.

I would be managing my partners expectations. And i wouldn't be leaving the baby with the inlaws for a while.

rogueone · 02/05/2023 12:22

If the dog is barking when being held by the in laws I would be concerned too. This isnt about a fear of dogs. Your duty is to protect your baby. The dog you describe isnt trained if they cant even stick it on a lead

ExhaustedPigwidgeon · 02/05/2023 12:22

The dog needs to be reassured that the baby is nothing to worry about. The baby and dog don’t need to be friends, the dog won’t thank you for lots of forced interaction with something it’s wary of.

when the child is older you can teach her how to interact with a friendly calm dog. The PIL dog doesn’t need to be the teaching tool

Roughashouses · 02/05/2023 12:22

Is this an attempt to start another I hate dogs thread?

There's not enough info in the OP to work out who, if anyone, is being unreasonable.

pigsDOfly · 02/05/2023 12:23

Okay, just seen from your latest post that the dog can't be on a lead because it hates it.

That dog would be going nowhere near my child.

People who own a dog that won't be put it on a lead because the dog won't have it are clearly the worst sort of dog owners who have never trained their dog properly.

If your DH thinks your baby can have a close relationship with an untrained dog, I agree with pp, your DH is an idiot.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/05/2023 12:24

No baby needs a relationship with any dog, that's just plain stupid and unsafe.

Laiste · 02/05/2023 12:24

The best thing you can do OP is get reading.

Read up on the breed, read up on dog behaviour and read up on sensible ways to merge children into dog's lives while minimising jealousy. From the dog.

You've got lots of time to learn (more than your inlaws by the sound of it) before your baby is toddling around. Which is when all the important stuff kicks in.

StarDolphins · 02/05/2023 12:25

As long as the dog is supervised & well trained with the baby, why shouldn’t the DH express his ‘want’ for the baby to have a relationship with the dog? His wants are as valid as op’s. The baby will grow up knowing the dog so sounds fair to me.

i’ve grown up with dogs & wanted my DD to as well.