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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like MIL's dog

72 replies

Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 11:56

I have a baby, and I have always been scared of dogs. Not sure why, maybe I have heard too many death stories.

My partner wants our baby to have a close relationship with his parents dog. But it makes me nervous every time the dog gets close to our baby.

How do I stop my baby from having any contact with their dog? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Olive19741205 · 02/05/2023 14:00

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 12:31

So I’m interested in how you think you are going to stop your child having anything to do with your in laws dog? Are you going to refuse to take their grandchild around? Are you going to dictate that their dog has to be shut away? Or are you going to educate yourself on how to promote a safe and harmonious relationship between dog and child.

Dictate? Surely she's allowed to ask for the dog to be in another room if she's not comfortable. Not everyone has to like dogs you know. 🙄

AlwaysGinPlease · 02/05/2023 14:03

Another dog thread

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 14:09

So I’m interested in how you think you are going to stop your child having anything to do with your in laws dog?
You speak as if the in-laws have the right to dictate what happens with the child.

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 14:11

AlwaysGinPlease · 02/05/2023 14:03

Another dog thread

I know, dogs cause so many problems don't they, or rather the owners do!

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 14:17

A person who isn't prepared to keep their dog away from people who, for ANY reason don't want to be close to it are the sort of people who shouldn't be allowed to have dogs.

thebellagio · 02/05/2023 14:18

Cocker spaniels can be a lovely breed and a great family dog. But if the dog hates being on a lead (and I would ask why they've never worked with a behaviourist to overcome that), then you are in your rights to ask to be in a separate room, or to ask the dog to be crated during visits. That way you can facilitate an introduction gradually.

I love dogs. I would trust my dog 100% with my child (to be honest, he thinks he is a human) but I know him inside and out. I know when he's tired and when he needs to be left alone, and when he wants kisses and cuddles. He's well trained and knows when no means no, and he has good recall.

If your PIL haven't trained their dog, and it sounds like they haven't, then they need to focus on better socialisation for their dog.

Smaram · 02/05/2023 14:18

Cocker spaniels tend to be lovely family dogs, however, we’ve no idea what this dog is like as an individual. Do they have any experience being around children/babies (which, in terms of dogs, can be very different things), what’s their personality, what kind of bark it is etc.

Honestly id explain to your in laws and husband yours concerns and your boundaries. Id suggest getting a behaviourist in who can assess why the dog barks (likely just excited/curious but could be nervous) and help you all navigate, as a family, the safest way to promote a good relationship that you can be happy with as the baby becomes a child as realistically they will be around the dog to some degree as they get older since the dog lives with their grandparents.

If you feel the dog is stressed (you can look up signs of stress that are more subtle well before a growl) or they’ve a high prey drive that’s activated by the baby, or are resource guarding keep them separated until you can get a behaviourist at the very least to give you an assessment. if your in laws dont like it tough really, it’s your baby, the dog will have to go in another room for the time being.
A local vet could recommend a behaviourist or the IMDT may have one in your area.

As others have said, the baby doesn’t need to have any actual contact with the dog, once they’re mobile though that’s a different story as toddlers seem to love dogs. There’s a good insta account called dog meets baby and they promote a lot of use of staircases, play pens, leads to help with this transition (something I’m currently doing with my dog and toddler)

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 14:23

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 14:09

So I’m interested in how you think you are going to stop your child having anything to do with your in laws dog?
You speak as if the in-laws have the right to dictate what happens with the child.

No simply the right to make decisions about what happens in their own home.

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 14:23

AlwaysGinPlease · 02/05/2023 14:03

Another dog thread

Yep! It’s the new BF V FF! 😂

RampantIvy · 02/05/2023 14:25

UWhatNow · 02/05/2023 13:11

Are you going to dictate that their dog has to be shut away?

Yes. ‘Dictate’ ffs? What is wrong with you? 🙄God forbid we should curtail a dog’s freedom for a short while to ensure the safety of a baby… get real.

The dog is badly trained and hates being on a lead.

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 14:25

"No simply the right to make decisions about what happens in their own home."

Yep, they have. This might also include whether or not their grandchild visits. My otherwise lovely MIL had a vile little dog that I wouldn't trust near a baby. He (the dog, not the baby) went to stay with another relative when grandchildren were visiting.

RampantIvy · 02/05/2023 14:27

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 14:11

I know, dogs cause so many problems don't they, or rather the owners do!

Show quote history

The explosion in dog threads seems to coincide with the explosion in bad dog owners. Well trained dogs are fine. Owners who don't or won't train or look after their dogs properly are not.

Laiste · 02/05/2023 14:48

It's really no surprise that there are loads of threads about dogs.

SO many more dog owners now plus the rise in cases of dogs injuring people and just being a pain in the arse off lead, is going to spark concerns voiced here.

Personally - if you can't find a way to get the perfect balance it's better to err on the side of overcautious. What's the worst that can happen? Not much. Perhaps the child won't form a close bond with the dog until it's a lot older. Not the end of the world.

The worst case scenario the other way is in the news all the time right now and is MUCH worse.

KarmaStar · 02/05/2023 15:16

Controlled visits,don't allow dc to take dogs toys or pull ,poke at dog.
Read up on the working cocker.A breeder I met once refused to sell cockers to families with babies.
But don't pass on your fear of dogs to your dc please.
If they grow up to respect animals ,not fear them,they will have a much better understanding of them and approach to them.
Your mil dog will know you don't like them.

elm26 · 02/05/2023 15:17

musketeersmama · 02/05/2023 13:12

I've owned & bred working cockers for 20 years and they're a fantastic family dog & great with children IF they are well trained & exercised. All of my pups have gone to families with children successfully. My first working cocker was incredible & gentle when my first child was born & was very protective her.
Babies & dogs do not need to have close relationships but introducing the dog to your baby ie letting it sniff your baby's blanket or toes while being given a treat to promote positive associations will help as your child grows.
Good owners will never not supervise dogs & children.

This!

I'm 36 weeks pregnant with my first and we have a 7 year old cocker spaniel. He's the dopiest, cuddliest, soppiest dog and is trained well but I do understand that he's a dog and my responsibility as a parent and as a dog owner is to keep them both safe. They won't be left unsupervised together.

OP, I would say to be careful not to pass your fear into your baby but I also wouldn't want a dog who refuses to be on a lead and barks constantly when my in laws pick her up. It's shows a lack of control that they don't put it on a lead because the dog hates it. My dog doesn't particularly like being on a lead and he is let off once in a field etc but he doesn't have a choice around cars, roads, other dogs on leads, horses etc and he knows this as he's not the boss.

Maybe some gentle interaction such as sniffing etc whilst you supervise and hold baby will be good.

FeltedDogs · 02/05/2023 15:25

If it can't be on a lead they don't have control over it. I'm sure my dogs would rather not but it's tough shit. One of them is a spaniel and sometimes planks her bum down when she wants to be carried home. Not the dogs fault. Pretty irritating.

Children who are hysterically frightened of dogs because their parents tell them to be. Also pretty irritating when you are walking on the opposite side of the road with a deaf dog who doesn't even acknowledge the hullabaloo but the mum acts as though it's a killer.

Mumsnet dog haters "put the thing to sleep" brigade. Fucking bloody irritating.

I would choose the first two if there was a gun to my head but only just. Its a dog. It's not a drug dealer weilding an off lead bully, nor is it made of plastic and incapable of unpredictable responses to stress. Just be normal and don't let the baby too close but don't freak out if its in the same room posing no threat.

So many things to hate, sad to choose an animal who hasn't actually chosen its crap owners. They don't have control. YOU do.

jazzybelle · 02/05/2023 15:25

My partner wants our baby to have a close relationship with his parents dog. 😆

It's your child. Do want you want to do.

sandyhappypeople · 02/05/2023 15:26

StarDolphins · 02/05/2023 12:25

As long as the dog is supervised & well trained with the baby, why shouldn’t the DH express his ‘want’ for the baby to have a relationship with the dog? His wants are as valid as op’s. The baby will grow up knowing the dog so sounds fair to me.

i’ve grown up with dogs & wanted my DD to as well.

Don’t you find it a bit odd that he wants it to have a relationship with someone else’s dog though? I’ve got 3 dogs now, never not had a dog growing up, so I wouldn’t want my child to not be around dogs, but I wouldn’t be encouraging my child around another dog that’s not mine, especially if they’re going to potentially be around it without me there.

Mischance · 02/05/2023 15:27

DH can express that view all he likes - you know that it is not wise and you are going to have to stand up to him. Babies and dogs do not mix.

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 15:37

@sandyhappypeople Actually, when mine were little I would have loved for there to be a lovely trustworthy dog with responsible owners in the family. Apart from anything else it would have eased off the pressure for us to have our own!

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 02/05/2023 15:59

We have the softest lab in the world but I don’t allow him too close to babies as he’s a big lad and even his tail wagging could accidentally hurt a baby. A cocker spaniel is much smaller though but I’d still want them introduced on a lead which your in laws’ dog wouldn’t be happy with I suppose.

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