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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like MIL's dog

72 replies

Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 11:56

I have a baby, and I have always been scared of dogs. Not sure why, maybe I have heard too many death stories.

My partner wants our baby to have a close relationship with his parents dog. But it makes me nervous every time the dog gets close to our baby.

How do I stop my baby from having any contact with their dog? Or AIBU?

OP posts:
makemineadoublee · 02/05/2023 12:25

I like dogs and have dogs

they do not spend time around children if friends visit dog is away

even the calmest kindest dog can’t be trusted 100% because they aren’t robots.

i find it weird your partner wants a baby to bond with a dog tbh

makemineadoublee · 02/05/2023 12:27

Also spaniel rage and guarding are a thing…. Not wanting to worry you but if it’s barking when the baby is held that’s frustration could be guarding and could escalate

Laiste · 02/05/2023 12:30

StarDolphins · 02/05/2023 12:25

As long as the dog is supervised & well trained with the baby, why shouldn’t the DH express his ‘want’ for the baby to have a relationship with the dog? His wants are as valid as op’s. The baby will grow up knowing the dog so sounds fair to me.

i’ve grown up with dogs & wanted my DD to as well.

If the OP had said ''My DH wants our child to have a nice relationship with the inlaw's dog when he/she gets a bit older'' i'd be the first to say great. Take it slowly and try not to let your own fear cloud your judgement.

But OP has said her DH wants the baby to have a relationship which is weird. If that's exactly what he's saying. When you see so many pics and vids of idiots laying babies down next to dogs or over dogs you have to ask the question - what is he expecting and how soon?

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 12:31

So I’m interested in how you think you are going to stop your child having anything to do with your in laws dog? Are you going to refuse to take their grandchild around? Are you going to dictate that their dog has to be shut away? Or are you going to educate yourself on how to promote a safe and harmonious relationship between dog and child.

StrawberryWater · 02/05/2023 12:32

Spaniels are insanely jealous dogs (my oh used to have one and it would get very snarly whenever anyone tried to even sit near him this was despite the thing having training) and so I wouldn’t trust it around a baby, especially not if it’s already barking when baby is being held by mil.

Also baby doesn’t need to get close to someone else’s dog. What a weird thing to focus on.

Sugargliderwombat · 02/05/2023 12:33

It's barking and badly trained. A big no from me.

Laiste · 02/05/2023 12:37

Hopefully he's just being an over exited dad imagining a time in the future with his child and this dog having a good time together. Playing fetch or whatever. It's years away.

How old is your baby OP? Are talking newborn?

PollyPut · 02/05/2023 12:37

I would trust your instincts on this one, given the dog won't go on a lead and barks whenever the ILs hold the baby

ExhaustedPigwidgeon · 02/05/2023 12:53

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 12:31

So I’m interested in how you think you are going to stop your child having anything to do with your in laws dog? Are you going to refuse to take their grandchild around? Are you going to dictate that their dog has to be shut away? Or are you going to educate yourself on how to promote a safe and harmonious relationship between dog and child.

expecting that the dog be shut away when the baby visits is a perfectly ok thing to ask for

2bazookas · 02/05/2023 12:55

I love dogs (and babies) had have had lots of both. Not together, for good reason, child safety and respect for the inborn nature of dogs. I would never put either my precious babies or my well-trained dogs in such a dangerous situation. There is no reliably safe healthy relationship between dogs and small babies. Any body who tells you otherwise is too ignorant to advise you.

Baby smells , sounds, movements and emissions match the sounds , movements, smells and emissions from small prey . A dog's response to prey is instant; pounce, grip with the jaws and shake.

There's a reason dog toys often roll, have a squeak, or a place to hide a small smelly tasty treat. Because no dog can resist that combination of movement, smell, sound.

2bazookas · 02/05/2023 13:04

Freckles978 · 02/05/2023 12:20

Working cocker spaniel.

Any thoughts on this breed?

The breed was developed to hunt and chase prey. Those are the characteristics that have been hardwired into its brain.

As the PILs dog is so poorly trained and controlled it "refuses" a lead, your child will never be safe.

Prescottdanni123 · 02/05/2023 13:07

Killing pigeons and mice aren't the signs of an aggressive dog. My little border terrier killed rabbits and she adored children. And adults for that matter. Obviously she was well supervised with babies/small children.

I can understand why your DP wants your child to have a good relationship with his parents dog. I want my kids to have a good relationship with my parents dog. But you don't have to push the issue while they are babies.

Heartsnrainbows · 02/05/2023 13:08

It sounds to me that there is already jealousy over the baby so no, I wouldn't be allowing it around the baby at all. And I say this as someone who loves dogs and have one myself.

Our family dog was my best friend growing up and I honestly don't think there is a baby picture of me that doesn't have the dog in it but it was clear that he loved me from day one whereas there doesn't seem to be any bond like that here.

UWhatNow · 02/05/2023 13:11

Are you going to dictate that their dog has to be shut away?

Yes. ‘Dictate’ ffs? What is wrong with you? 🙄God forbid we should curtail a dog’s freedom for a short while to ensure the safety of a baby… get real.

Featherhands · 02/05/2023 13:11

barking could be for any number of reasons. someone who understands dog body language - ears / tail / posture needs to take a look so people can understand whether it's guarding or excited. I know a very well trained spaniel that just pissed itself when it got excited. if her owner looked at her, she pissed herself and shivered. you could (very wrongly) interpret that as fear if your knowledge of posture and body language isn't there. in other words the individual dog needs to be seen by someone who understands dogs before any accurate diagnosis on its suitability around children could be considered.

refusing a lead is not a great sign, i'd definitely say that.

musketeersmama · 02/05/2023 13:12

I've owned & bred working cockers for 20 years and they're a fantastic family dog & great with children IF they are well trained & exercised. All of my pups have gone to families with children successfully. My first working cocker was incredible & gentle when my first child was born & was very protective her.
Babies & dogs do not need to have close relationships but introducing the dog to your baby ie letting it sniff your baby's blanket or toes while being given a treat to promote positive associations will help as your child grows.
Good owners will never not supervise dogs & children.

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 13:17

It can't be on a lead because it hates it?
Absolutely no way should it be near a baby.

Irridescantshimmmer · 02/05/2023 13:18

Dogs should be no where near babies. Stick to your instincts OP.

The same also applies to small dogs too. I like dogs but don't trust them near babies or small children because it just takes a split second for the dogs predatory instincts to kick in and the baby is history.

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 13:21

Sounds like your husband sees the dog as a fur baby and he thinks the fur baby will be upset if it can't pay with his baby
Obviously the dog rules the roost and is allowed to do whatever it likes, and he wants it to have a close relationship with your baby.....
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH THIS COMPLETE MORON THAT YOU'RE MARRIED TO 😲

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 13:39

ExhaustedPigwidgeon · 02/05/2023 12:53

expecting that the dog be shut away when the baby visits is a perfectly ok thing to ask for

Show quote history

It might be ok to ask for but may have implications for family relationships. Might work for some and not for others, so is it always the answer?

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 13:43

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 13:39

It might be ok to ask for but may have implications for family relationships. Might work for some and not for others, so is it always the answer?

Show quote history

Are you suggesting she puts her baby at risk in order to keep in with a mother-in-law?
a mother-in-law who should realise that the baby is much more important than the dog

Hotfootgoose · 02/05/2023 13:49

Theunamedcat · 02/05/2023 12:02

A baby doesn't need a close relationship with a dog

This. It’s crazy for
your DH to even note this?!

MissyB1 · 02/05/2023 13:53

Thesharkradar · 02/05/2023 13:43

Are you suggesting she puts her baby at risk in order to keep in with a mother-in-law?
a mother-in-law who should realise that the baby is much more important than the dog

Show quote history

Why would we assume baby is automatically at risk? Is no one going to supervise the dog and the baby? I would suggest introducing the dog to the baby under close supervision, and carefully allowing a respectful relationship between them would reduce risk.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 02/05/2023 13:59

I would look at investing in something like this. It is heavy duty and can be used inside and out to keep baby and dog separate.

I agree that you shouldn’t want to pass your fear of dogs onto your child, and quite frankly it will do the dog no good at all if child = shut away and ignored, this is the best way for the dog to associate baby with something bad.

but just because they are around together doesn’t mean there can’t always be a barrier between the two. You can either have it open down the length of the room or creating a dog (or baby) pen.

carry out sensible precautions- never leave the two unattended together, pop the dog away if they’re getting over excited, don’t allow the baby to to take the dogs toys or climb over the dog. And your baby should be safe if everyone is sensible.

it isn’t reasonable to suggest your baby and the dog should never cross paths, (neither is it normal for them to be best mates) but this situation is easily managed

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Yaheetech-Playpen-Rabbit-Exercise-Outdoor/dp/B076V2QDNJ/ref=asc_df_B0874B23S5/?tag=&linkCode=df0&hvadid=427886381733&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14794510810695367815&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1007171&hvtargid=pla-907389528610&psc=1&ref=&adgrpid=103301428287&th=1

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Yaheetech-Playpen-Rabbit-Exercise-Outdoor/dp/B076V2QDNJ/ref=asc_df_B0874B23S5/?linkCode=df0&hvadid=427886381733&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14794510810695367815&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1007171&hvtargid=pla-907389528610&psc=1&adgrpid=103301428287&th=1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-4797650-i-dont-like-mils-dog

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