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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I overreact about holiday money

68 replies

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 17:58

I will try to explain the best I can, my partner and I booked a holiday early march for us and the kids one being his son from previous relationship who he has full custody of.
he booked the holiday and it was in his name. We have Separate finances and I was paying my part and he was paying his.
anyway over the course of match I had sent over 3 x 100 transactions and 1 x 300 so my part was being paid up quicker. The actual first instalment was due first week of April and he told me he paid his part and also another 130 that needed paying which was my responsibility. I gave him back the 130 which he accepted.
I started to get suspicious that he didn’t not pay his part and requested the log in details so I could see what was left to be paid and also pay mine when I could as I get paid weekly. He was very funny about this and sent me a screen shot ( which looked legit ) of the current amount left to pay and what has been paid, he did not give me the log in. A few weeks passed and he made a comment about money and I knew it was a lie I called him out if it straight away and then I went back to being worried about the holiday. I told him unless he showed me logged in the holiday or gave me the log in details to look I was not giving him any money ( this was 2 days ago )
he eventually did but when I logged in it showed when all the money was paid literally then as it has the date not only his part but all of it so the money I had paid etc
he had only paid it then because he knew he was about to get caught out and tried to cover his tracks.
i questioned what happened to my money at the time I sent it over and his excuses were,
a bill came out as soon as if went in but that didn’t make sense to me because I had sent it at 4 different times.
then I bought up the 130.00. I said yes but you told me you had paid 130.00 that I owed and you took that back off me weeks ago but you hadn’t paid 130.00 at all until just now.
the holiday money is all there now but I still kicked him out ?
he admitted it was someone else’s screen shot he sent me and that he took the 130.00 because he had no money.
whats weirder is the month I sent the 4 transactions equalling 600.00 it was my birthday and he went over word on gifts which turned out to be my money ??

he seems to think I’m being silly and that money is all there now so it’s fine ? AIBU that I don’t believe that this is fine ?

OP posts:

Dragonsandcats · 01/05/2023 18:01

Do you have other issues with your partner? I don’t think I’d be fussed if I’d transferred the money to them and they kept it as long as it all got paid when it needed to 🤷‍♀️

Hadalifeonce · 01/05/2023 18:02

Of course it's not fine, he lied to you and tried to scam you financially. One has to wonder if he had actually thought this through. Would there have actually been a holiday if you had not pressed him for evidence?

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:03

@Hadalifeonce no it would have been 2 months behind in payments. Was already 1 month behind.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:04

@Dragonsandcats it had not been it was due the beginning of April and was paid 2 days ago when he got caught out.

OP posts:

Backtothegym · 01/05/2023 18:07

I’d not get worked up, it was paid, he’s not stolen from uou he just delayed as he was short.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:09

How did he not steal from me ? well attempt to
600 was given in march
he also requested another 130.00 of me which I have him as he told me he covered 130.00 of mine ( he never had )

my 730 was never paid until 2 days when he paid it due to me asking to see that’s the only reason he did.

OP posts:

PuffinPuffinPenguin · 01/05/2023 18:10

He lied to you, jeopardised your holiday, and took your money under false pretences. I'd throw him out too. YANBU. He only paid because he got caught and didn't like the consequences.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:10

i had asked him to his face had he paid my money in to the holiday and If he had paid mine he said yes
he also lied about me owning him 130.00 ?

OP posts:

PuffinPuffinPenguin · 01/05/2023 18:11

Has he given you back the extra £130 or has he pissed it up a wall somewhere? Do you think he might have a gambling or substance addiction? What do you think he's done with that money if he hasn't returned it?

Hotfootgoose · 01/05/2023 18:13

He can’t be trusted. End of. You’ll always be questioning finances, and that is not ok.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:14

@PuffinPuffinPenguin he said he was going to sort it but then panicked when I demanded to see
the lie that I mentioned but didn’t say what it was, was that he owed his parents money for his son smashing their window ( it never happened though )
he had just been paid the day I found out and had gone in quickly before giving me the log in and empty his account to pay it off thinking I wouldn’t be able to see the date. He has now left him self no money for the rest of the month including the second instalment due.

OP posts:

Createausername1970 · 01/05/2023 18:15

I wouldn't be very happy about it. You are giving him money in good faith for a specific purpose and it's not happening.

He may have had other financial commitments which he was trying to sort out without worrying you. I have been in a similar situation, juggling money from one place to another, so doesn't mean there was anything underhand going on.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt this time, but in future I would be the one managing payments.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2023 18:18

Get rid. He's a liar and totally untrustworthy.

CheersForThatEh · 01/05/2023 18:18

So he wasnt holding on to your money but magicked up £600 to pay on the day you pushed him to log in?

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:21

@CheersForThatEh he paid 900.000 on the spot he walked off in the living room when I demanded to see after finding our he lied and DS smashing the windows and then sent me the log in details over text 10 minutes later. He had got paid that day and when I logged in came up with the days it was paid which was that day. He was trying to cover his tracks but then left him self no money for the rest of the month.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 01/05/2023 18:22

He is financially irresponsible. And he's a liar.
Whether you can love with either or both if those traits is your call. The second would be a dealbreaker for most... the first it seems more variable.

What is your situation - housing etc? I'd be giving him the boot for this behaviour as I cannot stand liars. Can you switch the booking to take another adult or a friend with a kid to replace his and cut him out? If you do continue I would take over all finances from now as I wouldn't be able to trust him going forward.

Undisclosedlocation · 01/05/2023 18:22

You clearly don’t trust him, and given that he’s lied to you, with good reason. Surely this relationship is dead in the water?

pensionconfusion · 01/05/2023 18:22

Sounds like he spends money he doesn't have. I don't think you'll have a great holiday if he can't even pay his share before you go. He will probably not take any spending money with him.

If you can I'd take control of the holiday. Change the passwords and ask a friend to with you instead.

Wingedharpy · 01/05/2023 18:23

Will you still get the holiday if the payments have been paid late?
What is he spending his/your money on?
Does he have debts/loans/gambling problems?
You are very right to be wary and, personally, I wouldn't be handing over any money to him from now on.

PinkyFlamingo · 01/05/2023 18:23

If he hasn't got the money to pay his instalment then the holiday might not go ahead.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:25

Yes so we have switched lead booker over to me
it’s the lying that gets to me.
when I first asked weeks ago about the holiday log in and and expressed how o felt he was being controlling over it he blamed his previous relationship and cried saying it was one of the ways it effected him because what she used to do. The whole time it’s because he hasn’t paid it. When I knew he was lying I assumed it was just he didn’t pay his part not mine as well.

OP posts:

Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 18:25

Seems like a load of fuss over nothing to me. You paid your part of the holiday and the holiday has been paid off. The concerning thing though is that you don’t trust him and he doesn’t seem to be able to talk to you.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2023 18:27

Now he's gaslighting you with that bullshit about his ex. Ugh. Dump and run.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:28

@Mortimercat so to me it might seem like that now because I caught on and found out which is the only reason he paid. Otherwise my money would still be no where. In a few months fine if I had found out it would have been far to late. My money would have been gone and the holiday.

OP posts:

Testina · 01/05/2023 18:30

Am I the only one tiger doesn’t understand the post?

You owed your share, and instead of just paying it in one go when it was due, used him like a Xmas club sending it in dribs and drabs?

And you don’t even actually know what your share is? (hence not knowing what the £130 is)

And do you actually owe £130 or not? I can’t work that out.

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