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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I overreact about holiday money

68 replies

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 17:58

I will try to explain the best I can, my partner and I booked a holiday early march for us and the kids one being his son from previous relationship who he has full custody of.
he booked the holiday and it was in his name. We have Separate finances and I was paying my part and he was paying his.
anyway over the course of match I had sent over 3 x 100 transactions and 1 x 300 so my part was being paid up quicker. The actual first instalment was due first week of April and he told me he paid his part and also another 130 that needed paying which was my responsibility. I gave him back the 130 which he accepted.
I started to get suspicious that he didn’t not pay his part and requested the log in details so I could see what was left to be paid and also pay mine when I could as I get paid weekly. He was very funny about this and sent me a screen shot ( which looked legit ) of the current amount left to pay and what has been paid, he did not give me the log in. A few weeks passed and he made a comment about money and I knew it was a lie I called him out if it straight away and then I went back to being worried about the holiday. I told him unless he showed me logged in the holiday or gave me the log in details to look I was not giving him any money ( this was 2 days ago )
he eventually did but when I logged in it showed when all the money was paid literally then as it has the date not only his part but all of it so the money I had paid etc
he had only paid it then because he knew he was about to get caught out and tried to cover his tracks.
i questioned what happened to my money at the time I sent it over and his excuses were,
a bill came out as soon as if went in but that didn’t make sense to me because I had sent it at 4 different times.
then I bought up the 130.00. I said yes but you told me you had paid 130.00 that I owed and you took that back off me weeks ago but you hadn’t paid 130.00 at all until just now.
the holiday money is all there now but I still kicked him out ?
he admitted it was someone else’s screen shot he sent me and that he took the 130.00 because he had no money.
whats weirder is the month I sent the 4 transactions equalling 600.00 it was my birthday and he went over word on gifts which turned out to be my money ??

he seems to think I’m being silly and that money is all there now so it’s fine ? AIBU that I don’t believe that this is fine ?

OP posts:

Poppyblush · 01/05/2023 19:38

I’d be reconsidering my future with him. He’s lied and I think he’s effectively stolen your money. What would have happened to your holiday if you hadn’t checked?

Valeriekat · 01/05/2023 19:55

And he cried when he got found out...they so often do.

Sceptre86 · 01/05/2023 20:06

I don't think this relationship has a future. He outright lied to you.

CheersForThatEh · 01/05/2023 22:48

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:10

It’s so hard though because he says things like DS ( his son ) is calling out for you in his sleep and it’s hurting him things like that.

He is manipulating you.

He has carefully crafted a world in which you feel responsible for saving him. Its cruel.

His ex was probably a nice enough girl. You will be the next ex his girlfriend will be warned about. Never his fault is it?

He told you she was controlling....so you would be chill.
He told you she did something to manipulate you into the opposite. To handle him gently and let him if. Now his don is a pawn for the samr thing. Trying to blame you for his sons sadness which inky you cam fix by letting him back. He is lying.

SorePaw · 01/05/2023 22:54

Dragonsandcats · 01/05/2023 18:01

Do you have other issues with your partner? I don’t think I’d be fussed if I’d transferred the money to them and they kept it as long as it all got paid when it needed to 🤷‍♀️

@Dragonsandcats so you'd be fine with all the lies?

@Pickleandplum he's been lying to you over & over, what if it was over mortgage payments or credit cards etc. This Man could get you into serious financial trouble. I'd get back the money you've paid, or transfer it to a different holiday just for you and tell him to sling his hook!

SorePaw · 01/05/2023 22:57

@Pickleandplum sorry, I got distracted at the post I quoted & forgot I hadn't read the rest of your thread

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/05/2023 22:57

Ok so the holiday and money is the symptom and there are deeper issues. I think with the little backstory I’ve managed you need to protect yourself both emotionally and financially from this guy.

‘’Personally I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I didn’t trust. But if you are going to continue with him be smart about it.

PaigeMatthews · 01/05/2023 23:03

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:25

@mainsfed I do feel slightly relieved. It’s weird but just all little things that were starting to add up.

he is a liar who cannot manage his money. Not a long term prospect.

emptying his bank account also means you would have to pay for everything for this month, so he hasnt actually paid his share of the holiday. He hasnt paid any extra to the monthly outgoings than normal.

SkyandSurf · 01/05/2023 23:08

He repeatedly lied to your face.

I wouldn't trust him after that.

Original poster

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 23:17

My head is a little all over the place. He has custody of his son - the back story is huge but I feel slightly sick that the way his behaved that I was taken for a mug and feel slightly more concerned that the professionals had it the wrong way around ( accusations were both ways )

OP posts:

Treesoutsidemywindow · 02/05/2023 01:08

You have absolutely done the right thing in throwing him out OP. I'm just glad that your gut was warning you things weren't right. I hope that you're able to complete any remaining payments for your holiday, and maybe find someone else whose company you would enjoy, to go with you. Have a wonderful time and put this lying, waste of space behind you.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/05/2023 02:31

You have done the right thing. It would only get worse.

Lying, sneaking,fabricating excuses, crying, blaming ex, uggghh.

No woman could be attracted to such a boy man.

You can do far better. Good luck!!!

stayathomer · 02/05/2023 02:47

Tbh you sound like you live very separate lives and also like in your head you don’t forgive/trust him. I think that’s what it comes down to in the end-?if this happened with me, myself and dh would just talk it out, have an argument and that would be it but you sound like you won’t accept this

greenspaces4peace · 02/05/2023 03:03

this is a perfect example of financial infidelity.
he lied about money and if you hadn't caught him (and there may have been other times when he did get away with it) you would have paid more than your 50% when that isn't what you agreed on.
using the money for other purposes wouldn't be a big deal IF he earned enough to cover his debts and didn't need your additional funding.
well rid.

tattychicken · 02/05/2023 03:54

As you are now lead booker for the holiday does that mean you have to pay the balance yourself?

Qwerty111 · 02/05/2023 04:06

His poor ex lost custody because of his lies?

You are well rid of this liar OP (and wouldn’t give him back his £250 either, but you sound like a better person than me)

LoisLane66 · 20/05/2023 01:47

Anyone with an iffy backstory wouldn't get a place in my life. I don't need to be involved in someone else's messed up head space when they use it as an excuse.
One lie and trust is gone... forever.
I'm well able to hear unpalatable truths because I know what I'm dealing with. Lies lead to more lies and I would never be sure of anything again. I'm sorry that it happened OP but you're better off without him. Good luck for the future.

suburbophobe · 20/05/2023 01:57

he blamed his previous relationship

Yep. Those kinds of men never want to take responsibility for anything.

If you can I'd take control of the holiday. Change the passwords and ask a friend to with you instead.

Excellent suggestion. Getting away from a situation - and having a good time with a friend - opens your eyes to stuff going on at home.

Hope it all works out for you OP.

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