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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did I overreact about holiday money

68 replies

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 17:58

I will try to explain the best I can, my partner and I booked a holiday early march for us and the kids one being his son from previous relationship who he has full custody of.
he booked the holiday and it was in his name. We have Separate finances and I was paying my part and he was paying his.
anyway over the course of match I had sent over 3 x 100 transactions and 1 x 300 so my part was being paid up quicker. The actual first instalment was due first week of April and he told me he paid his part and also another 130 that needed paying which was my responsibility. I gave him back the 130 which he accepted.
I started to get suspicious that he didn’t not pay his part and requested the log in details so I could see what was left to be paid and also pay mine when I could as I get paid weekly. He was very funny about this and sent me a screen shot ( which looked legit ) of the current amount left to pay and what has been paid, he did not give me the log in. A few weeks passed and he made a comment about money and I knew it was a lie I called him out if it straight away and then I went back to being worried about the holiday. I told him unless he showed me logged in the holiday or gave me the log in details to look I was not giving him any money ( this was 2 days ago )
he eventually did but when I logged in it showed when all the money was paid literally then as it has the date not only his part but all of it so the money I had paid etc
he had only paid it then because he knew he was about to get caught out and tried to cover his tracks.
i questioned what happened to my money at the time I sent it over and his excuses were,
a bill came out as soon as if went in but that didn’t make sense to me because I had sent it at 4 different times.
then I bought up the 130.00. I said yes but you told me you had paid 130.00 that I owed and you took that back off me weeks ago but you hadn’t paid 130.00 at all until just now.
the holiday money is all there now but I still kicked him out ?
he admitted it was someone else’s screen shot he sent me and that he took the 130.00 because he had no money.
whats weirder is the month I sent the 4 transactions equalling 600.00 it was my birthday and he went over word on gifts which turned out to be my money ??

he seems to think I’m being silly and that money is all there now so it’s fine ? AIBU that I don’t believe that this is fine ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 18:33

No
he was the one that booked the holiday and when head like he always does. It’s a monthly payment but you can pay whenever you like I asked for the log in initially so I could pay my part when I wanted to I had extra money in the first month so that’s why I asked he said don’t worry send it to him and he will sort it so I did.
the first payment was due in April which he missed altogether he had not transferred my money or paid his part.

OP posts:
Wingedharpy · 01/05/2023 18:36

Maybe his ex used to do whatever it is she used to do (sorry OP, it isn't clear from your post) as she too copped on to him spinning yarns to cover his tracks.
How long have you known him OP?

MRex · 01/05/2023 18:36

I wouldn't be with a liar, no. You'd have no idea what's going on at any time, that's no way to live. Well done OP!

Livinghappy · 01/05/2023 18:38

@Testina my understanding is the money was due start of April but he didn't use the money she gave to pay the holiday. He lied by showing her a false screenshot and only when she didn't believe him did he pay the money for the holiday. This was from his monthly salary, not the money she gave him and now he had no money left.

This means he used the holiday money for something else- he also lied about having to replace a broken window.

If a partner can't be trusted and lies so easily then it's a major red flag. He is obviously hiding something.

randomuser2019 · 01/05/2023 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

ShowUs · 01/05/2023 18:48

If you can’t trust your partner with your money then what hope is there.

Not only did he steal the money off you but he also lied on several occasions and even sent a fake photo.

I could not put up with this level of deceit and the relationship would be over.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 01/05/2023 18:49

Dragonsandcats · 01/05/2023 18:01

Do you have other issues with your partner? I don’t think I’d be fussed if I’d transferred the money to them and they kept it as long as it all got paid when it needed to 🤷‍♀️

you serious? Lying, hiding finances etc doesn’t send any red flags to you?

This is the attitude that leads women to serious financial trouble when they blindly follow and depend on their husbands with no insight or say into the family finances.

itsmylife7 · 01/05/2023 18:51

He's a liar and technically a thief too.
He can't be trusted with money.

It's your choice whether to continue the relationship but personally I wouldn't be with someone I can't trust.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/05/2023 18:52

I'm wondering what would have happened if you hadn't insisted on logging into the holiday booking. He wouldn't have paid it, would he? The holiday company would have cancelled because they hadn't been paid, and then presumably he's have come up with some huge sob-story about the holiday company getting it wrong (maybe going into liquidation?) and the money paid is lost forever. Well, lost into his pocket.

YANBU, Pickleandplum. He was taking your money and spending it on something, not paying for the holiday. Lying to your face.

So what now? What are you going to do about this holiday? Are you going to take him off it and go just yourself and the kids? Or swap a friend/relative into his place for adult company there?

Indoorcatmum · 01/05/2023 18:56

He LIED and was deceitful.

If he had volunteered the info it would be a different story.

Buying you over the top presents with your own money when he was supposedly broke shows that he has poor money-handling skills.

This would be a deal breaker for me... Trust me, this will seep into other areas of your life down the road.

He even sent you screenshots of someone else's thing to aid his deception rather than coming clean.

This wasn't a white lie.

mainsfed · 01/05/2023 18:57

He is a liar, you cannot trust him.

Well done for calling him up on it.

Has he left?

Makegoodchoices · 01/05/2023 18:59

The issue is the lying, you no longer trust him because he has proved himself untrustworthy. I couldn’t be with someone who made up stupid lies to get out of any conflict.

Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:02

Yeh he left the same day but it was day but hasn’t stopped with the getting my attention since.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:03

@WhereYouLeftIt the holiday has been changed to me as lead booker, log in is changed and pass word and I have requested to remove them and I will have to swallow the costs.

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 01/05/2023 19:04

So what happens now hes spent all of his wages to cover your holiday money?

He has nothing left for the rest of the month.... Are you expected to help him out? I wouldn't, he got into this mess he should get himself out of it.

The initial lie, shit budgeting and subsequent lies have all added up and I really don't think I could get past my 'partner' being a thief and a liar.

Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:04

There is back history with his ex ( a lot of it ) his sons mum. It’s a strange one because now I question every thing he ever said about her to.

OP posts:
TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 01/05/2023 19:04

I can’t believe some people are being so blasé about this as it’s paid now.

He had £730 from you in March. He bare face lied that he had paid the holiday in April. He then lied about a big bill, then lied about having to pay his parents and then lied by getting a screenshot of a friend. He’s then lied again by only paying on the day he gave you the log in and leaving himself with nothing from his pay.

And he tried to manipulate you by blaming it on his ex partner’s controlling behaviour.

I’d be seriously considering the relationship after this. It’s not a white lie or a slight fudging of the truth.

I’d also be having a very frank discussion about where the previous money has gone. It screams addiction of some sort to me rather than poor planning.

Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:05

@growgrowinggrown I am not helping him at the moment 1700 has been paid ( 280 of that is his money ) I have only offered to give him the 280.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 01/05/2023 19:06

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:02

Yeh he left the same day but it was day but hasn’t stopped with the getting my attention since.

If he’s still hassling you after you kicked him out then that’s another red flag.

You did the right thing.

randomuser2019 · 01/05/2023 19:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Ottersmith · 01/05/2023 19:07

Has he got a gambling addiction? Something's not right.

Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:09

I know deep down I have done the right thing and I am glad I found out now. I think I just needed to air my thoughts

OP posts:
Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:10

It’s so hard though because he says things like DS ( his son ) is calling out for you in his sleep and it’s hurting him things like that.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 01/05/2023 19:13

Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:10

It’s so hard though because he says things like DS ( his son ) is calling out for you in his sleep and it’s hurting him things like that.

This is emotional blackmail and another red flag. The kid has a mum and dad.

So loads of 🚩🚩🚩 now.

You are well rid.

Original poster
Pickleandplum · 01/05/2023 19:25

@mainsfed I do feel slightly relieved. It’s weird but just all little things that were starting to add up.

OP posts:
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