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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who can't understand others' point of view

89 replies

Looooop · 30/04/2023 22:21

I'm 31, no children and don't drive, which some people absolutely cannot fathom.

I was in a group job interview last week, a woman my age asked me how I'd got there, so I said on public transport. She asked me if I drove and I said no.
She gawped at me, mouth wide open and said 'You.. don't... drive?!!" And just looked at me in horror.
Then she said, "Well , you should've learned when you turned 17."

Oh really, I didn't think of that one? I tried many times to pass but I never took to it, and I've recently started lessons again but can only afford an hour a week.

I've just been asked by a colleague if I had children, a colleague the same age. I said no, and then was asked if I wanted them. I told her I was on the fence about it and she said, "Are you serious?!" "Why don't you want children?!" "Do you have a partner?"
She scoffed when I told her my partner wasn't planning to have them at present either.

In both examples I did the typical female polite laughing it off thing, but I shouldn't have really. I feel like this is going to be a recurring theme in my life.

Does anyone else get this? I'll try not to let it get to me, I have a feeling this will go on until I'm over childbearing age.
It's like some people can't imagine anyone thinks differently to them.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 02/05/2023 08:15

Many people are narrow minded OP, they can’t think past their own little world. I don’t drive either, no particular reason, I just never wanted to learn and some people cannot understand it, at this point in life I can’t afford it anyway even if I suddenly wanted to learn.

My favourite is when people find out I home ed my children 😂

Topseyt123 · 02/05/2023 08:30

MrsMikeDrop · 02/05/2023 03:46

I'll be honest. I learned to drive quite late in life (19) and my sister even older. I also have two cousins who learned late too. We now all drive, except for one, and I don't understand how she still doesn't have her licence (she also has a child now!). I understand it's scary, especially when you learn older, and we all failed many tests! But driving really is a life skill so that's probably why people find it odd. In saying that if you don't expect lifts and don't put anyone out, then that's fine too it probably also depends on where you live.

19 is NOT late in life, and driving is absolutely not a "life skill" as some people on here are so fond of describing it.

I can drive. I don't like it and keep it to a minimum. If public transport were better where I live then I probably wouldn't drive at all. I still don't see it as a "life skill" because I can still get everything I really want and need without doing it.

OP, people are really just idiots who are too stupid to understand that we aren't all clones of them and might make different choices. Ignore them.

KimberleyClark · 02/05/2023 08:54

Driving may not be a life skill but it has certainly been a lifeline at certain times in my life, for example when my elderly DM started to need extra support living at home.

labamba007 · 02/05/2023 08:55

People will judge you whatever you do. I constantly get comments about me not drinking and only having one child. Ignore or tell them where to go.

Rainbowshine · 02/05/2023 09:19

I have a phrase that shuts up the really rude ones at work “Some people might find your reaction offensive, they might as you’re invalidating them, and I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble saying the wrong thing to someone who would report it”. Said in an earnest tone.

With the interview - I would be tempted to feedback to the recruiter that the interviewer was rude.

TeaIsRisen · 02/05/2023 17:23

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2023 22:32

It happens all the time on here. OP seeks advice about reducing contact with their hideously toxic mother and someone wanders in mournfully pointing out that their own mum died two years ago and they’d love nothing more than to be able to sit down and have another “cuppa” with her so OP might want to think again. 🙄

I know! I was reading a thread last night that was for people with a specific illness (a physical illness, not a mental illness, fwiw), to support each other and share treatment recommendations, and it got threadjacked by someone posting long screeds about how her mother had that illness and had been an abusive narcissist. Like, I feel bad for that person because abuse absolutely wrecks you mentally, but a thread for people living with breast cancer or whatever is really not the place to rant about how you knew someone with breast cancer who was abusive. I don't understand why people don't start their own threads.

TeaIsRisen · 02/05/2023 17:29

And I've never driven either! I know how, but I've never lived outside of major cities so I've never owned a car, nor needed one.

JamHam · 02/05/2023 17:33

I passed my driving test when I was 36.

I also don't have children. I don't like them, never have. Why would I have children when I dont enjoy their company?

Motheroftweenagers · 02/05/2023 17:34

Just tell them you don't drive, have children or eat meat because you care about the environment and watch them implode!

MasterBeth · 02/05/2023 17:40

Whochangedmynamec · 01/05/2023 07:37

You have the perfect excuse now

”You….. don’t ….drive?”

”No, I care about my carbon footprint.Wait, don’t you?” Gasp ☺️

This is such a stupid argument.

There's no obligation to drive everywhere once you know how to drive, but being able to gives you a huge freedom and many more options.

MasterBeth · 02/05/2023 17:41

Topseyt123 · 02/05/2023 08:30

19 is NOT late in life, and driving is absolutely not a "life skill" as some people on here are so fond of describing it.

I can drive. I don't like it and keep it to a minimum. If public transport were better where I live then I probably wouldn't drive at all. I still don't see it as a "life skill" because I can still get everything I really want and need without doing it.

OP, people are really just idiots who are too stupid to understand that we aren't all clones of them and might make different choices. Ignore them.

Of course it's a life skill. And it's much more useful than being able to swim or knit or play the accordian, all of which are life skills too.

OhmygodDont · 02/05/2023 20:45

MasterBeth · 02/05/2023 17:41

Of course it's a life skill. And it's much more useful than being able to swim or knit or play the accordian, all of which are life skills too.

A much better life skill is to know how to live and plan your life without relying on a car.

MasterBeth · 02/05/2023 21:35

OhmygodDont · 02/05/2023 20:45

A much better life skill is to know how to live and plan your life without relying on a car.

Guess what? Being able to drive does not stop you booking a train, taking the bus, or riding a bike.

Being able to drive is not the same as relying on a car.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 03/05/2023 00:08

MrsMikeDrop · 02/05/2023 03:46

I'll be honest. I learned to drive quite late in life (19) and my sister even older. I also have two cousins who learned late too. We now all drive, except for one, and I don't understand how she still doesn't have her licence (she also has a child now!). I understand it's scary, especially when you learn older, and we all failed many tests! But driving really is a life skill so that's probably why people find it odd. In saying that if you don't expect lifts and don't put anyone out, then that's fine too it probably also depends on where you live.

19 is late in life? Wow 👌

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