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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really rude and odd?

94 replies

lepricon · 30/04/2023 11:26

My daughter (10) is in a group of three friends, however, recently she has started to make other friends.

Anyway, a few days ago my daughter had asked if friend - let's call her Emma - could come for a sleepover on tonight. I said that was fine, text Emma's mum who said fine. Emma has stayed over before.

Yesterday I text Emma's mum asking if it was okay to collect her at 3 pm?

Emma's mum reply was this exactly - hi, Emma has been up sick during the night and isn't feeling well today.

I replied - oh no, that's a shame, I hope she is okay. If she feels better tomorrow she is still welcome to come.

I heard nothing back. Fair enough she's looking after her daughter.

10.30 am this morning I haven't heard anything so I decide to make other plans.

11 am Emma phones my daughter and says she's feeling better but isn't allowed to stay over. My daughter asks why and Emma asks her mum who replies, 'well is other friend (the third friend) going?' My daughter replied that third friend was never coming as she is at her dads this weekend, Emma's mum replies, 'just a play date then - no sleepover'

I then look at my phone and realise Emma's mum had text me also at 11 am before the girls were chatting - hi Emma is feeling better so will come for a play but doesn't want to stay if that's okay?

I have replied saying I have made other plans since I hadn't heard back from her. My daughter is very upset with me.

AIBU to find this all very odd? Number one - if I'd gotten a response yesterday to say that she would let me know how Emma was today then I'd of held off making plans, however she never responded.

Number 2 - what difference does having the other friend there make to a sleepover?

Number 3 - I just feel like it's all very strange, vibe is really off

Would you find it odd or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
MissHoollie · 30/04/2023 15:13

I'd be saying stay away!!
You will all be vomiting by Wednesday

riotlady · 30/04/2023 15:20

YABU to have made new plans. You said she was fine to come today if she was feeling better but by 10.30 had rescinded that offer because she hadn’t got back to you quick enough.

The play date/sleepover/third friend thing is a bit odd but assume there’s some friend dynamics at play

Summerfun54321 · 30/04/2023 15:20

The oddest thing is you inviting a vomiting child over without waiting 48 hours between.

Etoile41 · 30/04/2023 16:37

JudgeRudy · 30/04/2023 12:33

Just curious, when did you make these plans? You'd told the other mum her daughter could come if she was well. She let you know in the morning that yes, she was well enough to come over. Personally I think you're unreasonable and rude.

Show quote history

This

Original poster
lepricon · 30/04/2023 17:27

Should I contact the mum to clear things up

OP posts:
DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 30/04/2023 17:29

lepricon · 30/04/2023 17:27

Should I contact the mum to clear things up

I don't think that's necessary at all. I'm sure from her perspective it's total a non-event / non-issue

Original poster
lepricon · 30/04/2023 19:29

My daughter's play date for tomorrow has cancelled due to feeling unwell. Starting to wonder if they just don't like my daughter 😂

OP posts:
YouCould · 30/04/2023 19:52

lepricon · 30/04/2023 17:27

Should I contact the mum to clear things up

You don't need to clear anything up but you could always send a friendly text asking how her daughter is.

In future you can be a little more clear with what you want to do.

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 30/04/2023 19:55

lepricon · 30/04/2023 19:29

My daughter's play date for tomorrow has cancelled due to feeling unwell. Starting to wonder if they just don't like my daughter 😂

Or maybe they have a virus which is spreading about? I know we've had people off sick this past week at work.

JenniferBarkley · 30/04/2023 20:39

I think it's a group of 3 thing - the other mum didn't want to be complicit in leaving the third girl out. Especially if your DD is moving on, the mum will be prioritising the friendship with the third girl rather than your DD. She won't want Emma dependant on your DD or to piss the other girl off.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2023 20:54

You told them they could still come if they are feeling better tomorrow, clearly they can’t know and tell you that until tomorrow. I don’t think 11 is that late for a 3pm arrangement as she probably needs some time to see how she was feeling. You were the rude one making other plans.

it sounds like she thought her daughter was fine to play but needed a good nights sleep as she had been ill so couldn’t stay over

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2023 20:56

lepricon · 30/04/2023 17:27

Should I contact the mum to clear things up

Why not check how she is doing and invite her for another day instead.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/04/2023 20:56

lepricon · 30/04/2023 17:27

Should I contact the mum to clear things up

You should apologise to her for making other plans and dumping her DD without checking with her first, yes.

Womencanlift · 30/04/2023 21:09

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/04/2023 20:56

You should apologise to her for making other plans and dumping her DD without checking with her first, yes.

Show quote history

Agree with this. 11 was very early to decide that she wasn’t coming without checking

And hope she isn’t a mumsnetter who realises you now think she is rude and odd

Original poster
lepricon · 30/04/2023 21:31

JenniferBarkley · 30/04/2023 20:39

I think it's a group of 3 thing - the other mum didn't want to be complicit in leaving the third girl out. Especially if your DD is moving on, the mum will be prioritising the friendship with the third girl rather than your DD. She won't want Emma dependant on your DD or to piss the other girl off.

The third girl was at her dads for the weekend.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2023 21:37

lepricon · 30/04/2023 21:31

The third girl was at her dads for the weekend.

Show quote history

So you’ve said, but the other mum clearly doesn’t know that so that fact wouldn’t change her thought process

JenniferBarkley · 30/04/2023 22:12

lepricon · 30/04/2023 21:31

The third girl was at her dads for the weekend.

Show quote history

I know that, but Emma's mother may prefer for sleepovers to happen on weekends the other girl is around for the reasons I said.

I'm not saying she's right or wrong, but having had long-standing friendships drift at that age I can see why Emma's mum may be feeling a bit wary about how things are developing.

HauntedPencil · 30/04/2023 22:14

I can't see anything wrong with texting at 11 - if someone said to me come if you feel better I'd wait to make sure they are feeling better before confirming. Also nothing wrong that you'd made plans that's just one of those things.

Bit odd about the sleepover my take would be Emma didn't want to miss a big sleepover as they love the ones with 3 or more, but wouldn't feel too left out if no one is having one I.e. she's not staying. She probably wasn't 100%.

None of it would really bother me hugely tbh

SarahDippity · 30/04/2023 22:24

I’d rebuild the contact in a neutral way. ‘Glad Emma is on the mend. Let’s look at other dates that work for both* of us and hopefully we can have her soon. Sorry it didn’t work out this time.’

*both signals it is your invite, not dependent on a third party

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