To not want to be treated like a free taxi service…

[Clarabell77]

Sorry this is long for something relatively minor…

DD almost 18 and boyfriend were at a party last night, at her friends house. I dropped them off at 6.45pm and agreed to pick them up. To collect them, drop boyfriend and get us home takes about 40 mins in total. So I said I’d collect them at 11.30ish which would get me in bed just after midnight. I’m an early bed/riser so this is late for me.

When the time came she didn’t want me to go at half 11, she was texting that it was too early. I was knackered so gave an extra 20 mins and collected them at 11.50pm, dropped him and got home around 12.15am. I said it was 11.50 or nothing and they’d need to get a taxi to stay later.

DD was whinging when I picked her up saying she can’t afford taxis, she isn’t working at the moment as she’s in the middle of exams, so is a bit strapped for cash (but can find it for other stuff…). A taxi would have been about £22, to stop at ours then drop her boyfriend off. We allowed him to stay in our spare room at new year because taxis are extortionate but don’t really want to make a habit of this. I might even have ended up paying their taxi if they’d chosen that which is what I did at new year, because I was having a drink and couldn’t collect them. I had already given her some money for her friends birthday gift too and because she was being a bit cheeky I didn’t offer.

I should also add we have dropped and collected the 3 parties she’s been at since the new year one. I did one, then DH, then me again.

I’m interested to know how others manage these situations as it’s just going to continue. I was completely on my own when it came to this when I was young, I’d never have got picked up, but I know times have changed.

I am being unreasonable - I should have let them stay later and collected them or offered to pay their taxi.

I am not being unreasonable - they were lucky enough to get a lift at all and it’s up to them to pay their own taxi if my timings don’t suit.

I used to live in a rural village. When it came to parties we took it in turns to drive and not drink with my friends. The driver stated the time everyone was leaving!

Or we got a taxi back to one of our houses and all slept there.

I would NEVER have expected my parents to pick me up after midnight!!

11.30pm parent taxi is reasonable. If they want to stay later they save for a taxi.

Can't the boyfriends parents collect?

I just used to go to bed and let them call me when they needed picking up, and just suck up interrupted sleep.

If they went to festivals, one of their friends parents used to drive them there (or we did) and the other parent collected them. Sometimes a 2 hour drive in the middle of the night.

We chose to live at the back of beyond (without really thinking it through in terms of parent-taxi-service for teenagers 😂) and I'd rather they were safe than dead in a ditch due to walking down unlit roads at night.

(in fact once i picked them up from somewhere equally remote, and on the way back nearly ran 2 young people over who didn't have a parent taxi. So i stopped, asked them where i could drop them and then when they'd gratefully got strapped in, told them off for getting in a strangers car )

She buys a scooter and you pay for lessons. Independence for all.

Parents who live rurally really need to accept being a taxi service if there are no other cost effective modes of transport in the place they decided to live.

I agree with this up to driving age, or if money is so tight they can’t access driving lessons, but at 18 they should be driving.

At 18 (also doing exams) I had a part time job so could get taxis etc; if we got lifts anywhere they were shared between other parents

Not sure why she can't get a part time job so she'll have more money? Exams don't prevent this
You made the point about ordering desserts already ....

Not sure if it's been covered - could they both get a taxi to yours (so it's cheaper) and then sleep in separate rooms? (if that's your house rules)

But equally collecting at the time you did I can see both sides - she's saying it's early; because parties normally went on to 2/3am and leaving before 1am is probably too early for her - but equally - if you're wanting collecting; then you leave when the driver turns up!

Set up an account with a cab firm. What my mate did for his DDs. Worked out cheaper than the petrol in the long run.

I never asked for lifts after 16 for nights out but I also walked home often alone for part way as couldnt afford taxi 😯

When I was that age, my boyfriend and I lived in opposite directions from the main town. We’d get a taxi back and stay at each others houses - I know you said you don’t want to encourage that but that seems a bit U to me as that’s far cheaper.

i had missed the comment about ordering desserts. WTF? nip that in the bud, what a waste of money.

Where i live (not UK, village is 5 kms from nearest small town with a station) there are zero taxis. They stopped waiting for the last train about 5 years ago, and now if you do call for one, coming off the last train at just gone midnight, the answer is always "it will take an hour" if you order one to pick you up from the station, they will just take the first person who turns up - regardless of name/destination. Account with taxi company? still applies - they can't be arsed working for a couple of fares on a Saturday night so they don't. (having said that - they don't seem to work at weekends at all) One of the reasons i rarely drink, tbh

Unlighted country roads with no footpath, and drunk drivers (who can't get taxis) just add to the worry.

Is she learning to drive?

I'd collect her, make be a bit later for a special occasion like this party but not regularly. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her if i'd refused and I'm silly maybe but if my son is out I don't drink in case he needs collecting from somewhere. Once they can drive it's more anxiety and I don't sleep until I know he's in safe and sound.

My friends dad always picked us all up from parties regardless of time and once came into central London to get us when we were young and stupid and I thought I'm always going to be that parent because frankly mine didn't give a shit and it would have been my fault in their eyes if id ended up at the bottom of a river with my head bashed in,

She's 18. She can get herself home. No money for taxis? That's up to her to sort out.

My DH always picks up our dc unless it's very late - we have paid for an uber for one sometimes. I'm likely older than you and my dad or my friend's dad always collected us from parties in the late 70s/ early 80s. Parties usually didn't end before midnight.

I do feel my DH is too soft at times, especially in the day time, when youngest has a cheap travel card and public transport is readily available here (London). But youngest also has anxiety attacks so it is sometimes the best thing to do anyway.

I told my 3 when they were teenagers that I would always pick them up if they needed it (though tbh it was usually DH as he was happier staying up late than I was) as we were their parents. But that offer did not extend to any friends whose parents did not reciprocate. It was the principle of it – I don’t consider ferrying my own DCs around ‘being a taxi driver’, but picking up or dropping off other people’s DCs? Nah, not doing that unless other parents took their turn.

Pretty typical for 17. Start saving for the driving lessons.
Why can't ddbf'p do 50% pick ups?
Can a group of them share a taxi?
If she gets too lippy then cancel mum's cab service and tell her why