Hi all
Unsure if it's just because I'm overly emotional and being a first time mum, I'm still not completely sure how to navigate things but here we go:
I have a 3m old. My partner works nights and sleeps in the day so essentially I feel like I'm doing the bulk of parenting on my own. I'm currently breastfeeding and whilst at first my in-laws were supportive of this; I feel like now they are putting pressure on for me to turn to formula so they can take her off my hands so I can catch up on sleep/housework ETC. I express milk also so there is always a supply for them to take but we were bought a prep machine by a relative and I think they're upset that it isn't getting used (they were thanked for the last generous gift but told not to buy one whilst I was pregnant due to me wanting to BF before they bought it but bought it anyways) so I think this is where the pressure is coming from.
We've also hit the stage where we're having a really hard time with baby's sleeping and I'm constantly exhausted and the in-laws are putting this down to breastfeeding and claiming that by switching to formula this will solve the problem. Daytime naps have turned into a battle and baby will only sleep in my atms during the day. With my partner beimg in bed, I need to keep baby quiet so he isn't disturbed and I'm struggling to take baby out in the pram/car as I'm getting too fatigued. It doesn't help with partner working nights as I don't have anyone to really share the load with me and I'm getting to breaking point. I could take baby to their in-laws in the day, but I'm constantly being parented on my parenting and what was a good relationship before has really started to sour and I'm beginning to dread seeing them. They also have an issue with baby being dressed in babygro's and not "proper clothes" because they think babygros are for sleeping only. With the weather only just starting to turn warm, I've kept baby in the babygros for comfort and warmth and they are changed regularly and baby is always clean so I'm really not sure what their issue is here but I could be doing this wrong?
I think the crux of it is, they're lovely people who like to be very hands on and take control of things. However, I'm quite a strong individual myself and though we previously got on really well, the fact I'm not conforming to how they believe their grandchild should be brought up isn't sitting well with them. They're not actually saying these comments to me though, they're telling my partner who is then telling me. He's not impressed and has defended our parenting choices. He's also let his parents know that I'm struggling but they just go straight to "well we would take baby but they're not on formula, it would be easier if they were on formula" and back to applying pressure onto him to get me to switch to formula. I think it's starting to wear him down now too as he's started making comments about switching. They've also been making comments about putting baby rice and rusk in the milk and to begin weaning but I don't feel baby is developmentally ready for that yet and want to wait until a bit older. With the amount of times they're bringing this up, I'm feeling like I can't trust them not to do this and try to not tell me. Even though I would know straight away with baby's poo 🙈 Baby also won't take a dummy and trying to give one causes even more distress but they're adamant we keep trying to give baby one for soothing.
Baby is fine and developing absolutely perfectly breastfeeding and I love it too
Partner doesn't feel excluded as he gives her bottles of expressed milk.
A weakness of mine is that I struggle to ask for help and only do so when I'm at breaking point which is fast approaching. I've finally confided in my mum this week and she's offered so much more support and also a telling off for not coming to her sooner and struggling. I feel like at the minute; I'm prioritising everyone above myself and nobody is taking the time to check in on me when they can quite clearly see that I'm starting to crack. Like I said, partner works nights and sleeps in the day, he does support me but is also very tired (work-related) lately and the level of support I'm getting from him is diminishing. I feel like I can't ask him for help because it just turns into an argument but I just wish he would step up a bit more. At the minute the only break I'm getting is time for a bath and even then it's interrupted by him coming in with the baby because they've started crying downstairs.
Thanks for letting me vent and sorry it's so rambly, I'm absolutely exhausted and just typed away without proof-reading. If you think I'm being unreasonable then please let me know or if you have any tips to resolve this, I would be eternally grateful. Some sleeping tips wouldn't go amiss either! Thank you.