To change the way pocket money works in our house?

[PocketMoneyQuandry]

Name change as quite identifying!

4 kids- 17, 15, 13 and 13.

They get £15, £13, £11 and £11 per week each.

They've been paid pocket money for a few years. This is to pay for cinema, food out, buses, snacks etc (not school transport/food/toiletries/haircuts), basically weekend/holiday stuff that they chose to do with friends. Clothes-wise, we give them a budget and if they want to go above that, they pay.

The only job each child HAS to do is the dishwasher one day a week each. More often than not we have to ask/remind them 3-4 times and there's ALWAYS dirty dishes on the side waiting for the job to be done.

They do bring washing down/do their beds/empty bins/feed animals and unpack shopping when asked but generally after a delay or a moan about it being someone else's turn.

Talking to other parents, our kids seem to do very little for quite a lot of money. However, we need to consider that we don't give them money for anything and when they've spent it, they've spent it. It's gone.

We are looking to change the system. So they get paid per job (and learn the value of grafting and help us more) and obviously they think this is the WORST idea EVER! 🤣

How does pocket money work in your house?

Do you pay per job? If so what jobs and how much?

Is there a cut off age?

Do you pay less pocket money but pay for extras?

Are we too late to change our system or is there a better way?

There's a lot of opinions in our house!

(The 17yo has a job but hours are sporadic. We have paid for all driving lessons and insurance as presents and extra cost).

Thanks in advance!

Pocket money and jobs are entirely unrelated in our house.

They do jobs because they are part of this family and need to contribute. I don’t get paid for cooking, they don’t get paid for the dishwasher. Doing it is non-negotiable. Getting money for pitching in implies they can opt out if they don’t want the cash.

They can’t.

Pocket money is a perk of being part of the family and sharing in its assets. It gives them some autonomy, which is important.

We dont give pocket money. They do jobs around the house because they need to learn these life skills and doing jobs is part of growing up and learning how to keep a house neat and tidy and that its something that is expected and not rewarded.

If they want things, they ask. They don't get everything they ask for either. They get basic clothes and shoes and anything above what limit we set, they use their own money.

Their own money comes from birthdays and Christmas and easter. Both are very good savers and it helps them to decide if they really want it and whether it is worth it.

People really struggle with how we do things, which is always amusing. It works for us and the children aren't deprived, despite what people think!

15 DS and DD13 both get £30 a month. They have to keep their rooms tidy washing in wash bin they do the dishes twice a week each given them set nights. They are offered extra money for doing jobs though DD13 saves hers so isn't bothered about more DS15 always wants money but argues over what to pay !!

Same as us, @JulieHoney . DD has chores she’s expected to do because we both live here, so we both look after the home.
She has SEN so it doesn’t always work out the way I want but as long as the effort is put in, it’s fine!

She gets pocket money because I want her to understand budgeting. They’re completely unrelated things. I’m not bribing her to put her pants in the washing basket!

I don't agree with paying children to do everyday household jobs.

Housework is just part of life - you don't get paid to wash up, empty the bins or run the hoover around, so why should they?

I don’t know. For me the worry would be that the jobs become related to the money. So ‘oh I’ve got all my birthday money so I don’t need to do any jobs this month!’ I wouldn’t like that. I don’t pay my kids for jobs because they’re part of the job. Like they make mess, dishes, laundry and so on. Nobody pays me to clean my own mess.

We do give them pocket money. But not as payment for being a member of the family.

Pocket money was what they received without exception and was unrelated to jobs/schoolwork.
I always thought that giving/not giving pocket money for offences was a bit like financial abuse in a relationship, and I’d seen it cause tension in parent/child relationships.
As PP working hard at school should be it’s own reward, and being helpful is part of being in a family.

What I mean is, I think it could create the attitude that it’s acceptable to opt out of doing household jobs when they don’t need the money. When in fact they should be doing it out of respect for the fact that it is not other people’s responsibility to clean up after them. Certainly the 17 year old - almost an adult, and should be a helpful pulling force in the running of the house.

Thanks for your replies so far.

Interesting point of views.

If you do give pocket money (unrelated to chores) - how much do you give and is that it, or do you pay for the odd night at the cinema or meal deal etc?

Exactly this. 14yo gets £10 pw.

I give £35 per month to my older two, high schoolers now. My younger two I give only £10, however they are in primary school and one has SEN, so they aren’t having to spend money if that makes sense. If they go to the cinema or shops and so on they go with us. I wouldn’t give much money beyond that, but if we go somewhere as a family then of course we pay so they would likely go to the cinema or elsewhere without spending their pocket money at least once per month.

And I wouldn’t pay for meal deals and things but of course the kitchen is always stocked so I would expect them to make lunch or a snack if they wanted one.

Absolutely. Eating out/meal deals is their choice. Therefore they pay. Kitchen is always stocked and if they CBA or just don't fancy it, that's their problem.

Well, quite 😂 sometimes I’d like to say fuck it and get a pizza because I don’t fancy anything in the kitchen but unfortunately nobody will buy me one!

This.

We do give them set tasks and change them up every week though.
At the moment DD needs to do dishwasher, setting the table and wiping down the sinks in their bathroom after use.
DS has drying dishes, watering the plants(once), vacuuming the bedrooms (2x a week).
Each week one of them gets to choose the first job and then they pick one after another.
The plants always get picked first 😂
My kids are 7 and 8 and do their jobs pretty well, but i guess its going the get more difficult when they are teenagers.

Great post. Exactly the same here.

We give pocket money and they are expected to do jobs around the house - each has an allocated chore per day (clear table after dinner, empty dishwasher, run vacuum around downstairs).

The chores aren’t related to the pocket money but we do have to remind them to do the chores which I find quite annoying. I have pointed out why they need to help and it’s not fair on me to do everything after a day at work but being typical teenagers it’s just not on their radar.

I have said that chores are because they are part of the family. It’s not linked specifically to their pocket money.
But then I have the dilemma about what the consequences are if they don’t do their chores, or don’t do their schoolwork.

Yup same here. One gets an allowance monthly one gets weekly as he would just blow it all.
I pay for gym, phone, and give them a monthly fun money amount.

DD gets £3 a week and then extra for jobs. On her go Henry.

We used to pay D.C. x amount each week/ month and for that they had to do dishwasher ( take turns ) set table / clear table with each meal and take turns cleaning the pet.
If I had my time again, I'd give the kids the same amount a we had BUT wouldnt link it to these jobs.
As PP said , the jobs all need doing and being part of the family should include doing jobs that Benefit everyone.

I'm one of 4, and as a teenager we got half our pocket money no matter what. The other half was linked to doing household jobs, if we chose to do extra time doing jobs we could earn more pocket money.

From what I remember about the dynamics of being one of 4, it makes it a lot harder to manage this situation. If one of your DC doesn't do their chores, what will the consequences be if it isn't a pocket money reduction? If there aren't any consequences at all, the other DC are liable to get very grumpy about chores and with three of them the grumpiness can build to an unhelpful level.

Ds 16 gets £40 pocket money and £40 for clothes per month. I also pay for his phone contract (£10) and xbox game pass £10.

Pocket money is not linked to chores here.

If he wanted extra food from the shop or to go to the cinema with his friends he pays. He rarely does though. If we go to the cinema together, I pay.

I personally don't like paying kids for household chores. They live there too and so they have to contribute to keep the space clean and tidy, cooking, laundry,etc. These are life skills they'll need for when they live alone and no one will be paying them to do their own housework. Can you maybe give them their child benefit (providing you get it) for their expenses? They could also use bday money or get a part time job like a paper run or making/selling something.

14 and 10 year old do routine chores around the house as and when I ask them, because its all our mess and we all have to pitch in. Maybe hoovering/washing up/tidying/hanging up or putting away laundry - when needed.

They spend their birthday/Christmas/gifts from family money on things like games that they want. I pay for their clothes, books, phones, and any activities or days out - like cinema or trampoline park - and I’d give them money for food if they went out for the day with friends. They don’t ask very often though, so it’s more affordable for me to give them what they need, rather than regular pocket money that they don’t spend.

If they were saving up for something expensive, I might offer them money for a one off big task - like a few hours of gardening or thorough car clean.

I also don’t link money to chores. Ds gets enough to keep his zip card with money, a bit of food out. I’ll give cash for treats as and when on a judgement call for trips etc. if he’s generally been a decent human in the week and has done work I’ll give it if I have it. If he has a mound of undone work or has pissed me off being a sloth I’ll laugh! He’s got the wits to have a tidy up, finish his work and have a pleasant conversation before asking for substantial extras