To change the way pocket money works in our house?

[PocketMoneyQuandry]

Name change as quite identifying!

4 kids- 17, 15, 13 and 13.

They get £15, £13, £11 and £11 per week each.

They've been paid pocket money for a few years. This is to pay for cinema, food out, buses, snacks etc (not school transport/food/toiletries/haircuts), basically weekend/holiday stuff that they chose to do with friends. Clothes-wise, we give them a budget and if they want to go above that, they pay.

The only job each child HAS to do is the dishwasher one day a week each. More often than not we have to ask/remind them 3-4 times and there's ALWAYS dirty dishes on the side waiting for the job to be done.

They do bring washing down/do their beds/empty bins/feed animals and unpack shopping when asked but generally after a delay or a moan about it being someone else's turn.

Talking to other parents, our kids seem to do very little for quite a lot of money. However, we need to consider that we don't give them money for anything and when they've spent it, they've spent it. It's gone.

We are looking to change the system. So they get paid per job (and learn the value of grafting and help us more) and obviously they think this is the WORST idea EVER! 🤣

How does pocket money work in your house?

Do you pay per job? If so what jobs and how much?

Is there a cut off age?

Do you pay less pocket money but pay for extras?

Are we too late to change our system or is there a better way?

There's a lot of opinions in our house!

(The 17yo has a job but hours are sporadic. We have paid for all driving lessons and insurance as presents and extra cost).

Thanks in advance!

I don't think kids should be paid for housework. It's part of being a member of a a family and livign in a house that you have to participate in chores. Different if it goes above and beyond regular chores.

We didn't have assigned pocket koney per week/month. If I went to the cinema I got some cash and needed to make it last. I never had expensive taste so I just got the clothing that was needed. I still learned the value of money. I don't think there has to be rules and it can be an evolving thing and discusses case by case basis when they have to use their own money.

Sorry - I don't think I fully understand the comparison. Do you mean that your kids can get away with 'not working' and you have to constantly ask them to do jobs?

It's pretty easy to address that. You give them a set amount of pocket money each week and deduct for poor behaviour/ not doing what's expected of them.

This is much better than giving pocket money as an incentive/ bribe.

Don't pay children for doing things that they should be doing anyway. Give consequences for not doing those things.

(Also of course, there are other consequences which are better than bringing pocket money into it at all, like loss of tech/ other privileges. Personally I wouldn't choose to link pocket money and chores at all - but if you really want to, it's much better to use it as a consequence rather than a bribe)

We all live together, we all make a mess together, we all clean up together - we don't pay each other for it. They get a little pocket money for "exrtas" above and beyond ie garden and driveway. They do not get pocket money otherwise outside of travel expenses etc.

OP reducing the pocket money or making it conditional is littered with pitfalls.

If they won't do anything, and if/when they do moan and delay, then the natural consequences would be that you don't do things for them. Still feed them, maybe still do their washing, but no lifts and no other favours. If they ask, you could say yes, but then delay doing it yourself. Next time you ask them to bring their washing down, count how many times you have to remind them and over what period. The next time they ask for something mirror them exactly. That sort of thing.

DD11 gets £10 a week IF she keeps her room tidy, walks the dog once a day mon- Fri and picks up the dog poo once a week. I'm trying to give a new job every year to increase responsibility- doesn't need to be a big job but things like making her own packed lunch etc. When I was a kid I had a proper chore list- hated it but it helped knowing what I had to tick off to get my money and contribute to the family

This is also our system. Chores have to be done regardless, so they aren't tied to pocket money. However, if we do have a bigger job around the house that needs doing that we would consider paying a stranger for (heavier garden work etc), then they are offered the chance to do it for extra money.

Lol, yes, it was related to age but hasn't gone up in a couple of years. They'll be striking, soon 😉

With 4 there 100% has to be rules. I couldn't do with "it's not fair, x got y" anymore than we do already.

Yes, exactly that. Currently they get paid pocket money and the only job each of them HAS to do (on a rota) is the dishwasher. Yet we have to ask and ask and ask. I don't see why they should get their pocket money if they make it more stressful for me having to keep asking. I wouldn't get paid at work if I hadn't done my job. DH has a different view - he just pays it.

They do do other stuff if/when asked but I often have to ask a few times and they would never do it just to be helpful/thoughtful.

Am I asking too much of teens?! 🤣. Are my expectations too high?

I'm with @JulieHoney Pocket money is because you need some money to function in society. Jobs are because you're part of a community. Wages are for jobs above the norm.

So true. So hard to manage with 4 so close, though. We are well and truly outnumbered 🤣 Ultimately it makes life harder for us in the long run. We were so much better at parenting when they were small!

Interesting. I like this.

Primary age gets £2 a week plus the odd bit of cash as it doesn’t really get you far. If they’ve saved for weeks and weeks but the thing they want is still more then usually we’ll pay the difference.

it isn’t dependant on jobs as that’s just part of being part of the house. Sometimes I pay them to help me with my little sideline job so they can earn a little extra. They are pretty good at saving for something they really want.

Every kids gets week of chores. Then deduct amount from pocket money at the end of the week for jobs not done. So usually about half max deducted if no chores are done. If they can't contribute to family then they don't get full financial benefit.

If you're expecting teenagers to do something just because it's helpful/ thoughtful then yes, you are asking too much. That's simply not how the teenage brain operates. Teenagers are ego centric and think about themselves, that's just how it is.

You need to introduce more effective consequences for not doing what they should be doing.

You don't pay them to do the dishwasher. You explain to them that it is expected of them as a member of the family, and if they choose not to do it then there will be consequences.

If that's not how it's worked up until now then it will be difficult to change, and there will be lots of complaining, but it's definitely achievable. You just have to be firm and stick to it. They don't have a choice at the end of the day.

Just to clarify - when I say 'you don't pay them to do the dishwasher' I mean that money shouldn't really come into it at all.

They should do the dishwasher for free because they are a member of the family and they have to contribute.

If they choose not to contribute then they are basically opting out of family life.

You need to think of an appropriate consequence for that. I would say money is probably not the most effective.

DS is 10 and he gets his pocket money each week to do as he pleases with - the only rule being that he can't buy v bucks etc with it, it has to be something he physically buys. He saves it well and buys things he wants with it and I do my best not to roll my eyes at the 432nd Nerf gun he wants to save up for.

Unrelated to that he has to help out around the house daily -

• washing in the basket each day.

• rubbish in the bin each day.

• clean washing put away when it's left on his bed for him.

• sets the table for dinner each evening.

• makes his bed each day.

• strips his bed on clean bedding day and puts clean pillow cases while I or his dad do the sheet and duvet.

• currently teaching him how to use the washing machine for a simple whites or darks wash.

Completely agree with this. However, pocket money is linked to behaviour and attitude - constant fighting/arguing with siblings/us has consequences.

There were only three of us so it was tons easier 😉 we all had different hobbies at different level at different price points. Different taste to things, different needs etc. Therefore our parents had open discussion and 'fair' was very subjective and no strict rules because of different needs, it was more taylored for individual. But if you want to have a pay per job system then why not rank chores and pay based on the job? Like vacuuming the house pays more than unloading the dishwasher etc and then they can have a calendar and reserve the desired job and if they do nothing then they dotn get paid 🤷🏼‍♀️

My DC are younger and they only currently get about $2 a week... that is just a basic amount and they need to do the dishwasher, put bins out, help upload shopping, tidy bedrooms etc But they can earn extra $ by doing jobs outside of this such as gardening, cleaning the car , hoovering etc... I think it's important for them to connect working and earning and hopefully saving for something they want by doing extra chores..

I gave ds £20 a week not linked to chores & £5 a day for school, so he could buy a coffee on his way to school or something to eat on his way home. It was up to him if he spent the £5 or saved it, he usually spent half of his school money & saved the rest. He usually made a latte on the Tassimo & I had bought some takeaway cups from Amazon instead of buying one for £1.50. I paid his Xbox live & his phone contract. He paid his Netflix & Disney+.

You were giving him £45 a week AND paying for his Xbox and phone? Lucky lad.

I'd have loved having £180-225 a month spending money at school!!

My DC are older now, they used to get £50 per month to spend how they want. We used to pay for all clothes, phones, toiletries etc. If that were going to the cinema etc we’d pay for that on top of the £50. The £50 was often spent on console games or Lego. There was no link to chores. One DC did dishwasher and one laid the table. We deliberately didn’t make a big thing of money or discuss it very often, we actively encouraged them not to worry about money.
They both got part time jobs at 16/17 and are now young adults with a very healthy attitude to money and saving.

He has been both my & his dad's carer since he was 8, nothing is too much trouble for him, he isn't spoilt by any means. There aren't many teenage boys who would wash & dress their parents or give up their social life for them. Without him his dad would be in a care home & I would need at home carers.