To change the way pocket money works in our house?

[PocketMoneyQuandry]

Name change as quite identifying!

4 kids- 17, 15, 13 and 13.

They get £15, £13, £11 and £11 per week each.

They've been paid pocket money for a few years. This is to pay for cinema, food out, buses, snacks etc (not school transport/food/toiletries/haircuts), basically weekend/holiday stuff that they chose to do with friends. Clothes-wise, we give them a budget and if they want to go above that, they pay.

The only job each child HAS to do is the dishwasher one day a week each. More often than not we have to ask/remind them 3-4 times and there's ALWAYS dirty dishes on the side waiting for the job to be done.

They do bring washing down/do their beds/empty bins/feed animals and unpack shopping when asked but generally after a delay or a moan about it being someone else's turn.

Talking to other parents, our kids seem to do very little for quite a lot of money. However, we need to consider that we don't give them money for anything and when they've spent it, they've spent it. It's gone.

We are looking to change the system. So they get paid per job (and learn the value of grafting and help us more) and obviously they think this is the WORST idea EVER! 🤣

How does pocket money work in your house?

Do you pay per job? If so what jobs and how much?

Is there a cut off age?

Do you pay less pocket money but pay for extras?

Are we too late to change our system or is there a better way?

There's a lot of opinions in our house!

(The 17yo has a job but hours are sporadic. We have paid for all driving lessons and insurance as presents and extra cost).

Thanks in advance!

We have one child with special needs and 3 others who are NT. I haven't got time or energy to keep track of chore charts etc. They each get asked to do jobs when they need doing - for example hang out washing, unload dishwasher etc.

They all get a monthly allowance- my 2 older NT kids buy their own clothes from a larger allowance but I get the odd more expensive thing on top.

Mine all get a set amount each month, then there are extra jobs they can do if they'd like to earn more. They also have jobs they do each day which are just part of helping the family out, so a bit of everything here I think!
They don't get money for birthdays/Christmas/any other event, so this is all they get.

Same! ⬆️

Our 16yr old is expected to pitch in & help with ALL the little everyday tasks involved in running a home: dishwasher, tidying, changing beds, washing up, sorting laundry, emptying bins, light cleaning, etc. This has always been the case - obviously less so when he was much younger.

We 'pay' him for 'bigger' jobs like washing/cleaning the cars, mowing the lawn/gardening, helping with DIY/decorating, etc. He doesn't have to do these things - he can choose to - but generally will. (He's pressure washing all the decking/patio as I type, which we'll probably bung him a tenner for doing.)

We pay for everything he NEEDS (clothes, shoes, school supplies, school trips, phone contract, etc) & anything over & above which he simply WANTS (usually extra trainers & clothes) is down to him. He also funds his own 'walking about' expenses such as Costa, bits & pieces from the shops, the odd McDonald's or chippy with his mates/girlfriend etc. (He gets to keep all of his birthday/Christmas cash to spend as he likes.) We do pay his monthly gym membership which, although not essential, we feel is reasonable, as he goes regularly without fail, really enjoys it, it keeps him fit & active, he's made even more friends & it helps his mental health/self esteem, etc.

Obviously we treat him sometimes, ie, family trips out, cinema, sporting activities, etc. & don't expect him to pay his share if we go out for a meal or have a takeaway.

However, if he wants to do a specific activity or attend an event with his mates/girlfriend, we expect him to fund it himself - we might occasionally contribute something towards it if it's a bit pricey but worth it.

Overall, this has worked really well for us - he's respectful, appreciates the value of money, saves well for larger items & generally chips in around the house without prompting or grumbling.

He's got his own bank account with a debit card & has Google pay on his phone. He gets weekly balance updates texted to him & we tend to trust him to be sensible but will occasionally look at his spending history.

You're a parent, not an employer.

You don't get paid for doing the grunt work of day-to-day life and neither should children. The whole thing sends entirely the wrong message in my opinion.

Pocket money here is £1 a day- and going against the grain it is linked to jobs- but the deal is all requests have to be done without moaning and various jobs count towards a tally. If they have 3 tallys on the calendar that day will count as £1 .

DDs responsibility to put their own tally on the calendar - I have nothing to do with it. If they forget to put a tally on- it doesn’t get counted. They can draw down money as and when and cross off those days- which means they can roll over money from one month to the next if they want. I will sometimes pay for an optional job like hoovering out my car which I don’t want to do and are outside normal every day housework. Really it was about providing a carrot to stop whinging- if they moan they still have to do it but don’t get the tally mark.

My eldest has a weekend job now so doesn’t bother with it -but is mature enough to pitch in anyway. For DD16 it gives her some element of feeling she is saving up etc and money doesn’t come automatically. I still pay for clothes that she needs (rather than wants) and toiletries etc so it’s just for bits and bob- trips to cafe etc. She will look for a job after GCSE and I expect we will reassess.

To be honest they know they have a very good deal in terms of who actually does most of the housework so we have not had push back- but I would stop pocket money entirely if they refused to pitch in.

We don't give a set amount we just give our 15yo child money for whatever or buy things

Help is expected because we all live in the place as we think our child is pretty good and does things when asked we are happy to do nice things in return jusy because really

Pocket money unrelated to chores here too and chores are not set, ds just pitches in. He is 19 now but the expectation to help has always been there from a very young age - such as he would empty things that went in low cupboards/drawers from the dishwasher while I did the high ones (after removing sharp knives). It made some jobs take longer at the time, which could be frustrating, but that is just how it goes.

He keeps his own room tidy, does all his own laundry including bedding. He doesn't have any set chores but pitches in around dinner time if he is around with helping to cook, clear up, dishwasher, recycling or what ever else is needed at the time. Doesnt leave his shite lying about communal areas, clears up after himself if he makes own food, sometimes bakes if he fancies cake, walks the dog a few times a week will pick up mid week groceries etc. Will pitch in with vacuuming/cleaning if asked. We generally are doing "chores" at the same time while chatting/catching up - then he dissapears to his room never to be seen again that night unless he comes down for food!

From when he started secondary school he got £120/month to cover paying for his own school lunches, phone and socialising. He got first PT job at 17 and still gets the £120 as a top up (at uni now).

2x18, 10 & 8 you here

They are all expected to

• clean their bed & bath room weekly
• change & wash their bed linen & towels weekly
• Ensure that all dirty clothes go in the washing basket daily & collect their clean clothes from their basket in the utility room & put them away
• prepare school bags the evening before

2x 18 yos

• each cook one evening meal a week for the family

10 & 8 you

• feed & clean up after pets daily

We have a cleaner 2x week & it's clearly understood that she is here to clean not clear up any mess so we all have a responsibility to ensure the house is tidy.

We pay all school meals & school uniform.
We paid all driving lessons for DTs & they share a car. Both had pt jobs but at our instigation have stopped to study for A levels.
DTs £150/month allowance
10 yo £5/week & they clean both our cars every week
8 yo £3/week

Pocket money and contributing to things that need doing around the house not related in our house either.
Yours get quite a lot more than ours did, but we also stuck to the "this is your budget to manage" and didn't top up.
Ours did a lot more round the house.
As teens, each would cook the family meal once a week, and there would be something they were expected to contribute each day - eg emptying the dishwasher on the day they weren't cooking / laying table getting everyone a drink on the night they weren't cooking.

Personally I wouldn't give the 17 year old any pocket money as they are old enough to get a Saturday job. It would be touch and go for the 15 year old too but given you have paid for the 17 year old until now then it would be fair to carry on for another 2 years.

You dontun the risk of them doing SFA and not being bothered about the lack of money. Especially an issue if they get plenty at birthdays and Christmas etc

You do run the risk*

This is where we are at. Fed up with paying out and getting very little help and consideration back!

This is very true. But I also point out that my boss doesn't continually have to ask me to do my job and I don't get paid if I don't work.

It's a hard balance.

The 17yo has a job but hours are hit and miss (they say yes to every shift and not afraid of hard work to be fair). 15yo desperate for a job but can't as no one wants to take on an U16.

Jobs are jobs, mine don't 'get paid' to do them. They alternate walking the dog on school days (we do weekends) keep on top of their rooms and do anything else they are asked on an adhoc basis.
I buy all of their clothes/food and pay for cinema trips/ days out with friends etc.
I don't give them a set amount each week, I prefer to give them say £20 if they are going to the cinema or £10 if they are going to Macdonald's with friends.
It seems to work better than giving them a set amount each week for us.

We air in the camp that chores have to be done because we all live in the house and so all benefit from clean laundry, dishes etc.

Pocket money is set so that budgeting and independence are skills that can be practiced.

I buy clothes because it's a parents responsibility to house, feed, dress and nurture the child they chose to have.

All that said, we do try to reward behaviours we want to encourage. So, I don't nag daughter to make her bed every day. But when she made it every day for a whole week without me having to say anything, she got a few quid in her Go Henry account as a thank you.

Pocket money is our house isn’t tied to specific jobs, but to a general sense of being helpful and doing what is asked of them around the house. We want to teach them that everyone has to play a role in keeping the house tidy etc. So as long as they clear the table, stack the dishwasher, put their clothes away and all that either regularly or when asked to, with no grumbling, then they continue to get pocket money. Tbf they are both good and always help when asked.

In terms of amount, I’m on a limited income as a single mum so DD(8) gets £1 a week. It’s not much but it’s what I can afford and tbh she is happy with it, she is ND anyway so mostly spends it on sweets or toys from the charity shop.

I will pay for things that are useful on top of that- mostly art supplies as she loves art.

DD13 gets £6 a week automatically on her GO henry card she can earn an extra £4 per week by chores over and above very basic she is expected to get her own breakfast and wake herself up, clean up after herself, put stuff in laundry ( I wash according to whites/ darks etc not person specific) and do her homework. Extra chores are general cleaning cooking etc, a big extra job like helping with DIY or gardening project would be rewarded in some way
I also pay for her phone and a reasonably amount of clothes and basic makeup but snacks sweets, extra makeup or clothes, friends presents, or bus fare if she forgets her bus pass I don't pay. I don't replace lost money either but I probably would stolen money if I was sure it wasn't carelessness

Mine get stars daily for good behaviour and being helpful round the house. 50 stars = £5 and they each get a fiver every week or so depending on how quick they've earned it. That buys any toys they want, sweets, Robux etc.. I buy their clothes and pay for activities. I also subsidise by about 30% if they want to buy something like art supplies (eg not just crap!). They are tweens.

Does the amount increase with age in your current set-up OP? I'm just totally baffled how you came up with £11, seems so random. Misses point of thread I realise

Pocket money in my house is not linked to chores. I expect DD to do chores because she's part of the household and the chores need doing! As a minimum I expect her to take her turn doing the dishwasher, keep her room reasonably clean, keep her mess out of communal areas (rule for both of us!), sort her laundry into the laundry baskets (make sure pockets are empty etc), take a turn putting the washing away.

She grumbled but I say why should I keep things nice for us both if she won't, I don't want to do the chores either! She gets it now.

Her pocket money (11, £20/m) is hers to do what she likes with, for fun stuff but not outings yet (I pay for those) and I expect her to save up for holiday money if she wants to buy souvenirs - I work on the premise that if she saves some I'll give her a bit more, it's the effort that counts for me.

£Age - 2.

Interesting thread, thanks OP.

I have 3 DC. Pocket money is currently €50 pm for 16 yo; €5 each a week for 13 & 11 yo.

I am going to review amounts & how I manage it shortly - the 13 yo needs a bit more as he started secondary this year & is now out & about a bit more. The 11 yo doesn't need more.

I also pay their bus / train fares, and phone costs.

Clothes vary as they often get money for birthdays which is used for clothes they want. As they all do a lot of sports, they spend most of their time in school uniform or sports kit!

I'm a single parent & am finding it really hard to manage even their 'normal' expenditure.

Regarding chores, not linked to pocket money & they all do quite a lot, partly out of necessity. I work full time, we are out of the house every single weekend day, and week night at matches / training. So they've got to!

These include: cooking meals, dishwasher, laundry, ironing, hoovering, basic bathroom cleaning, general tidying, sheets, mowing the lawn.

In our house it comes down to who is around & also skill set - some are better at certain tasks.

They are all messy & can leave a trail of destruction behind them which is draining.