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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed by this?

89 replies

mychel · 29/04/2023 10:16

So myself and dh are on our first holiday in 5 years. My dh has a medical condition that requires medical treatment while abroad so my father offered us the use of his house abroad. When it came to the holiday and logistics we decided that it might be easier to stay near the treatment facility where it would be easier to get to and from. Then about 2 weeks before we departed my father announced he was going out to his house and would be there during our stay. I was surprised as his partner wasn’t going with him just him alone but decided ah it would be nice to see him whilst out here. The first morning while my husband was at treatment my father asked to come meet me for coffee. During this coffee he dropped a bombshell that actually it turns out he’s possibly not my father after all and wants me to take a dna test. (Yes I’m actually serious) he’s decided after 40 something years and about 10 years since my mother passed away that he wants to know for sure if I’m his. So of course I’ve been in shock and very upset that I’ve been lied to for years and years but I’m more upset that he’s decided to do this now during our much longed for holiday after a very tough ( years of health and family issues). I’m also obviously annoyed that I’ve been lied to my entire life but he also has basically banned me from discussing it with anyone outside of dh. Am I being unreasonable to be so upset at the fact that he has destroyed our holiday?

OP posts:
Original poster
mychel · 30/04/2023 05:41

Littleworkaholic · 29/04/2023 23:28

I understand fully why this is upsetting for you. I don’t get the whole holiday thing if I’m completely honest and how sacrosanct that is to you so maybe he doesn’t either. He is prob thinking it’s away from life’s pressures..

It’s been 5 years since myself and dh last got a holiday together. The last 5 years we have had would probably have broken most people. We only managed to grab this holiday as my dh was able to continue to get his treatment abroad. Our last holiday was our honeymoon. We have tried to make the best of it but it’s been difficult.

OP posts:
Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 06:03

Ok op i get you think it’s thoughtless of him. It is. But really, I think you might need to let that go. It’s happened. So now focus on the actual news

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 06:49

Do you think maybe he or a sibling has discovered they do have a genetic disease? And he only wants to tell people who need to know?

strawberryfluff · 30/04/2023 06:52

Have you asked him why he thought it appropriate to ruin your holiday

Yogameup · 30/04/2023 06:58

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 06:49

Do you think maybe he or a sibling has discovered they do have a genetic disease? And he only wants to tell people who need to know?

That's a good point. Maybe he had found something and is trying to find out if you'll be affected. Strange way to go about it though.

edenhills · 30/04/2023 06:59

I get the holiday thing. I would tell him that he ruined your family holiday. Why could he not have waited for any other time!

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 07:56

edenhills · 30/04/2023 06:59

I get the holiday thing. I would tell him that he ruined your family holiday. Why could he not have waited for any other time!

He probably wanted to do it in private away from his partner and her siblings.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:23

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 07:56

He probably wanted to do it in private away from his partner and her siblings.

Show quote history

That’s what i thought

Highworth · 30/04/2023 08:33

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:23

That’s what i thought

Show quote history

Agree. Everything he has done has been because it suits him. He has no care for you does he? I am so sorry he ruined your holiday like this.

Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 08:39

Yogameup · 30/04/2023 06:58

That's a good point. Maybe he had found something and is trying to find out if you'll be affected. Strange way to go about it though.

Show quote history

well, if the OP is screened for a genetic disease that has surfaced in the family, and she is not related to her "father" then she will find out in very much more uncontrolled circumstances, from the genetic screening

Nimbostratus100 · 30/04/2023 08:40

he might be trying to avoid this

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:50

Highworth · 30/04/2023 08:33

Agree. Everything he has done has been because it suits him. He has no care for you does he? I am so sorry he ruined your holiday like this.

Show quote history

You misunderstood

I agree with @GoodChat

Highworth · 30/04/2023 08:54

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:50

You misunderstood

I agree with @GoodChat

Show quote history

I was agreeing that he probably wanted to do it away from partner and siblings.

changedusername190 · 30/04/2023 23:28

Has anyone had a gastric band or sleeve whilst on mental health meds.
I've decided it's what I want to do but I can't get any advice for medication levels as the doses need to be altered to keep the levels safe.

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