To be utterly seething at the audacity of STBXDP and his family?

[Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum]

I had a nagging feeling yesterday in light of the abuse I've been experiencing that I should prepare a go bag with myself and DS essential documents and some clothing so I could pass it over to my Ddad when he's next visiting.
I come to find my own birth certificate but DS birth certificate has miraculously gone missing, I go onto the website to reorder one and I see that my sons name has been changed 3 times without my consent. I confronted soon to be exDP and he was so obviously lying that I know he took the birth certificate and put himself right in it when he said that a child's name can't be changed without parental consent and I know his mother is involved because he's thick as shit, she's the brains of the operation.
I can't understand why or how they've done this, DS is known to the Drs and the health visitor under the name I believe he had.
What on earth can I do about this other than obviously go to the police after I've spoken to my councils births, deaths and marriages department to ask for what proof was provided to do the name changes and make it known that I didn't consent to any of it and mention that he is still known by his name at with health services and the DWP and HMRC on my benefits awards.

@LakieLady as far as I know the legit benefits claims are under my name with my DS current name which is the one on the birth certificate but there's a possibility that they've swiped the birth certificate and done all these deed polls to have 3 separate claims at once.
Either way, something sinister is a foot. I'm playing dumb until Tuesday when I can contact the council for myself and get to the bottom of this and involve the police.

Yes. That is the case. They are completely fucking crazy. I've basically stumbled into a nest of narcissists and/or cluster B personalities

How have you got on, OP?

@Zonder I've got a replacement copy of the birth certificate and I'm working on a safety plan to get out of this mess.
He's also got a gambling problem that I've just been made aware of courtesy of our network provider. He's using the contract phone that I am responsible for paying for to gamble and rack up huge bills. It's already £150 and it's only been 12 days. I legally have to pay it because it's in my name and tied to my credit score.

Ah, gambling.

Makes it even more likely that the reason for the name changes was to obtain credit/loans in your son's name.

Log in to the phone account and put a spending limit on it. Or just get the phone blocked. It's your account. You can control it.

@AcrossthePond55 I don't understand why he would even try it though because in the UK credit agreements cannot be given to a person under 18. So if he's done it for that, he's definitely come a cropper.
Today he did say something that scared me though about taking DS to live with nanny which can't happen because she's got a 1 bedroom flat and exDP sleeps on the sofa. There's no way that the social services would allow it. He's far dumber than he thinks he is.

@BadNomad I could do that but then I run the risk of him going crazy at me and potentially in front of DS. I'd rather get everything in place first then cut him off.

I suppose it depends on what verifications an institution uses. I worked in a govt fraud unit a 'fair few' years ago and it used to be that the verification for credit/loans was only a 'match' between the name and the Social Security number (not the date of birth). Criminal parents often took out credit or loans under their children's names which would be reported to us upon discovery. I guess I was thinking along the lines of an institution in the UK using the name and the NI number without verifying the date of birth. But I suppose systems are much more sophisticated now and institutions are probably much stricter on verifying identity.

As far as what he said, please take him seriously. It doesn't matter what SS would 'allow' unless SS has some case open on him. The fact is that (assuming he has PR & there are no court orders re residence) he can 'physically' take the child to his mother's and keep him there. Whether the child would remain there would have to be fought through the courts, right? I mean, think about it. You are (quite rightly) planning on leaving with DS and 'cutting him off' once you get your ducks in a row. If he doesn't like it, he'll have to take you to court.

The nerve of this man. To ask me to lie to my dad to get the money to pay the phone debt so the phone will be unrestricted. I smell a cheat

Are you planning to leave the country with your DS?

permanently i mean

Have you cancelled the phone contract? What did the Registrar say on Tuesday?

@CabernetSauvignon @trisfreya I've got no plans to leave the UK, I just want to leave the area.
If I cancel the phone contract I'll still have to pay off the device plan which I can't afford to yet but I'm not going to lift the restrictions on it because I haven't got £152 to throw away.
The registrar said that any name changes without my consent are illegal and do not stand especially as DS is known as his birth name literally everywhere of significance.
I have a legal deed poll done for DS with written proof of exDP consent so I'll be making the name change official everywhere during/after the bank holiday weekend.

So is the registrar going to get the previous name changes taken off the record? And has he made some sort of note to ensure that DP and his family can't do this again?

Yes. Those things are being done and will be in place at least until I get court orders in place

If women aren’t allowed to change their child’s surname, then men shouldn’t be able to either!

I’d throw the book at him and get him done.

That's the plan but because he's volatile it has to be done safely

Yes definitely. One step at a time.

I hope he gets some sort of punishment for what he’s done as so many men block their children’s mothers from changing their children’s surnames (when the mother has very good reasons). And then you get this guy who just just does whatever he wants. So men always get what they want no matter what. Annoys me so much.

Good luck to you @Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum . Stay safe