To want to keep the money?

[2GIRLS]

My parents put some money into my bank account today, and when I told my dp he made a remark about using it for his tax bill.
Basically, I want to use the money to do up the dc's bedrooms which is what my mum and dad intended it be used for, but I know that my dp will want to use it for the tax bill which he's now been hit with because he didn't pay his NI for years (not on purpose) and also to pay for the course he is doing at the moment.

I don't work so am supported by my dp so I know that any money that comes in should go into the pot and be used for what is needed at the time, but my parents have given me money at various times before and it's either gone straight to him or been used for the kids' christmas presents or things we needed for the house.
I don't have any problem with that and my dp doesn't have any issue with what I spend (within reason!), but we really need the bedrooms done so our ds (10 month)can move into his own room and I really want to use this money because it's me thats disturbed by him in the night.

Is it unreasonable to keep the money and not give it to him to pay his bill and for this course that he's doing (which is a bit of a sore point because he chose to start it when our ds was only a few months old - planned baby this time he was going to be sooo involved...) and I'm left with all the kids because he's studying.

And how can I tell my parents that I couldn't do the bedrooms or garden (that needs done too, kids can't play in it) because he needed it!!

Don't really know what to do. Haven't really spoken to him properlyas he's working but I just know how it's going to go IYSWIM.

I had 4 kids in 5 years, my work isn't the same as most as I am director in family business so could work but it wasn't the same everyday,so that part isn;t something someone else could do

But I also did childminding for a while and worked in a school as dinner lady when they all went to school, so that is an option

Being in the income loop doesn't mean bringing money in, I meant I'd want to know about your DH business and be involved in some way. Our jobs were very separate but we each were involved in the money side of running a home.

I would use the money to pay the bill but then use the money you would have used to do up the bedrooms.

2Girls, how was dh planning to pay the bill in the first place? Because he should use that method. He can't just rely on grabbing any money that happens to come in from your parents. Tax and NI are predictable outgoings for anyone who has an income. (And NI is important - it affects contributory benefits such as the state pension - he needs to pay his NI on time as it falls due, not leave it until you happen to get a windfall.)

Hats off to you hatwoman (pun intended). The most constructive (and least judgmental) comments on this thread.

As the bill has to be paid anyway, it seems irrelevant in a way whether it comes out of the money given by the parents, or whether this gets used on the bedrooms and the family find some other way of cutting back/earning more to pay it.
The bottom line is, once you set up home and start a family together, it's a shared journey. The OP clearly resents her DH for studying and for having to pay a tax bill. Resentment is a negative force. far better to do something positive about it. Get involved, as minority suggests, find out what bills need to be paid and see how you can both support eachother. And if money is really a cause of problems in your relationship, then maybe you do just need to earn more between you.

I don't think I'm coming across as I intended!
I may be a SAHM but I'm very much involved in what goes on in the home, this bill came in out of the blue for both of us and it has to be paid, I'm not silly (I did manage to get a degree in business and finance albeit a long time ago!) and I know that it's the most important thing as the tax man will never give up. BUT, now that we have this money we don't need to sacrifice other things in order to pay it because we have it all, so the bedrooms or garden will wait indefinitely because we wouldn't sacrifice our living expenses to do up the house, which is why it hasn't been done. That was the point of the thread! .

Yes, I do have some issues with him studying mainly because of the timing, we do have a baby which was planned by BOTH of us and this is something that he really wanted too, not just me so that I could put off working.
I did say that I don't want to work but quite frankly, who does! But the important thing is I would if it was necessary and even though extra moneywould be handy, at the moment we're not on the breadline so it's not an issue for us.

Of course it a shared journey alfiesbabe, but I don't think there are many relationships that are without their problems, big or small. And I didn't want to go off on holiday on my own with the money I did want to use it for the kids.
And I think money is an issue for most people unless you're posh and becks.

Thanks for all your comments.