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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what % of your life is survival vs enjoyment?

111 replies

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 13:16

Mine is 80% survival 20% enjoyment. This doesn't seem balanced to me. But is it modern life now? Is it being a working mum? Would like to hear your percentages to see if I am out of line.

OP posts:
sociallydistained · 27/04/2023 13:20

I'd agree with this. I'm trying to change it. Easier said than done

Workingmomof2 · 27/04/2023 13:21

Yes absolutely similar here. Mother to two, work full time. Never have more than 30-60 mins a day for myself.

kinkin0518 · 27/04/2023 13:21

Mine was like 95% survival until recently. Years of just "treading water". I have been able to shift the balance through my faith (Christian).

Workingmomof2 · 27/04/2023 13:23

@kinkin0518 how did you do it if you don’t mind me asking?

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/04/2023 13:23

Probably about 20% survival and 80% enjoyment. But I like my job, so also enjoy quite a bit of the survival part, too, so perhaps it’s more like 15/85. I think if I’d been dumb enough to have children it would definitely be different: the added pressure of responsible for the survival of other people on top of your own must suck.

HuggingtheHRT · 27/04/2023 13:24

Mine is more 60:40. I changed jobs a year ago and really enjoy my work these days so work is no longer a source of anxiety. And DH and I work from home 80%, which makes life easier in terms of lack of commute, school drop offs/childcare pick ups etc.

However, lack of time is still always an issue. My garden is a tip, my car needs a wash, my house is always over-flowing with laundry and clutter. Also my kid has autism, so there's a lot of additional crap we have to navigate - EHCPs, therapy, managing sensory needs, working on social skills and language development etc. I never feel on top of stuff.

Oysterbabe · 27/04/2023 13:24

I enjoy my job and my children so the survival part is really very small.

Original poster
Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 13:25

@kinkin0518 that's interesting. Was it changing thought processes and realising you would be provided for. I would be keen to know more too

OP posts:
Rowthe · 27/04/2023 13:28

Large part survival.
But that's because there is always an emergency. Kids being ill, family emergencies or something going on.

Just dont seem to get a good few weeks.

Hoping as the weather gets better this settles for the year, but had a rough few months.

Luckily no money worries, but lots of mum guilt cos I somehow have to juggle it all and go to work.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/04/2023 13:31

various, depending on age and circumstance.

Single mum-

teaching in a poorly managed school with 100+ hours work a week 90% survival, 10% enjoyment.

teaching in a well managed school 40 % survival, 60% enjoyment

teaching part time in a well managed school 5% survival 95% enjoyment

off sick being treated for cancer 50/50 - but the bad 50 is VERY bad.

JennyForeigner · 27/04/2023 13:33

Three kids of three or under, so it's all survival. But... I've realised recently that I kind of love the hustle. It took two years to redesign my working commitments to something flexible and at home. It took a year to find a combination of childcare options which means things don't completely fall apart if someone is ill or has an emergency meeting. It took MN to teach me I needed to set my home up in a practical way, rather than trying to win interior design masters. I think I'll be happier in the end for the chaos, and the changes we've had to make because of it.

No foreign holidays or spa days any time soon though.

IamSuperTired · 27/04/2023 13:41

Well! My life oscillates between 30:70 and 70:30 depending on how I am choosing to view things. I am trying to work on my mindset as I can't change the situation that much and recently I'm definitely more 'enjoy' than survive ...

So eg.. the other night I pulled an all-nighter to finish a report. I've done this twice now. The first time I spent all night thinking how shit it all was, how I wanted to be in bed, how I'd miss out on being with my kids the next day because I'd be so tired erc... how I neeeeeded sleep so bad. It was hell and definitely survival!

The second time I changed my mindset! I tried to get really into the report, enjoy it :) I focussed on living in the moment and trying to enjoy what I was doing (which was really interesting stuff once I got into it!) On that night I was living my best life :)

I think if you can't change the circumstances, then change what you r thinking.

Really savour those moments you are with your children, enjoy time with your DH or whoever is important to you, but also when you are doing the other stuff, try and see it in a more positive light and notice what you like about it :)

Washing up? ... Well, it's 5 minutes of time when I can see stress and daydream! And if I'm biggest by kiddies at the same time, well I try to think how lucky I am to have them there to bug me :)

Commuting - an hour each way where I get to chill with the radio, open the window and enjoy the breeze!

Standing on the football pitch in the rain watching DC .. a couple of hours of seeing my son live his best life, have the best smile on his face, and really have fun :)

A painful hour talking to that competitive parent at football - a learning opportunity...

I know it might sound all woke or whatever, but I really do think changing mindset is the key to turning survival into flourishing....

SmallGreatThings1 · 27/04/2023 13:43

90% survival 10% enjoyment. Something has to give.

MintJulia · 27/04/2023 13:52

I enjoy my life so the only bits I'd describe as survival are cleaning bathrooms, ironing, commuting in winter and doing school run when I'm poorly.

So 95% enjoyment I guess

megletthesecond · 27/04/2023 14:07

Less than 1% enjoyment. It's simply something that doesn't happen as a working lone parent. I've had a couple of nice outings in the last 6 months (theatre and an escape room) and that's all. I even hate the gym but it delays a heart attack so I drag myself through it.

Superhanz · 27/04/2023 14:20

Mine is probably 5% survival 95% enjoyment. The 5% survival is the jobs I have to do around the house that never seem to get done or just the general maintaining the house, I always feel like it's a mess yet I feel I spend too much time cleaning.

I'm a SAHP so I enjoy my days, they are pretty full, we are always seeing family, meeting friends etc and doing nice things. I don't drink anymore which I feel is much better for my mental health so my life feels quite nice, good support network etc.

FourTeaFallOut · 27/04/2023 14:27

10% survival, 90% enjoyment. I enjoy all of my life apart from some health shit that I'm lumbered with.

Rowthe · 27/04/2023 14:33

I hate my job.

But due to saving madly, hopefully I can either change or cut down significantly.

Life hasnt panned out how I expected it to, but it's more important to focus on the people around me, than running after the kudos or cash.

I'm thinking this is the year I make some major changes in terms of career.

Just want to family emergencies to stop.

SnoringPains · 27/04/2023 14:33

98% enjoyment, the 2% is trying to get my toddler to go to bed.

Emotionalstorm · 27/04/2023 15:21

Mine is 10% enjoyment. It's sad.

BreviloquentBastard · 27/04/2023 15:30

I used an online calculator thing to actually see how much time I spend on things I consider "survival" and things I enjoy...

Apparently I'm about 27% survival, 73% enjoyment. Seems quite good to me, I'm alright with that.

pollypile · 27/04/2023 15:34

5% enjoyment I would say. Mum of two, one very small. Life revolves around them. The youngest is difficult and trying to juggle her with work and chores and other obligations isn't easy. There is rarely time to do anything I actually enjoy. It's sad but I expect it'll change as they get older.

Dotjones · 27/04/2023 15:50

Probably 99% survival and 1% enjoyment for me. There can be days, weeks, sometimes months where I barely enjoy anything. I think it's just life. It's hard to enjoy the evening or weekend because I know that work is just around the corner. Mostly my downtime is still me in survival mode - sleeping, distracting myself with movies, food and/or alcohol - I don't really "enjoy" these things most of the time, things are usually either bad or indifferent.

Sometimes people say things like "why are you miserable if you can't explain what's wrong?" I find it hard to give a good answer other than I enjoy myself when things are going well. Just getting by isn't enjoyment to me. To enjoy life I need the freedom to do what I want today, and know I can do the same the next day and the one after that. I know that realistically that won't happen until I'm a pensioner, and even if I survive until then I know I won't be able to (physically or financially) do the things I wish I could do today but can't (because of time or, again, money).

hamstersarse · 27/04/2023 15:53

I think I need a new category - it is a big ask to be in 'enjoyment' mode for a significant period of time when you have to clean toilets, do the washing, shopping etc., so mine is:

10% survival
65% unemotional mundane 'no harm' life stuff
25% enjoyment

IcedCoffeePlease89 · 27/04/2023 15:54

I would say 95% survival… 5% enjoyment… at a push.

I suffer from severe anxiety and c-ptsd and my mental health basically keeps me a prisoner at home majority of the time. The 5% enjoyment is spending time with my family but that’s pretty much it.