Page 4 | To ask what % of your life is survival vs enjoyment?

Heroicallyfound · 27/04/2023 19:33

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 18:29

The variation is really interesting. Those with a high 80% plus enjoyment can you tell me what a typical day looks like for you? Perhaps we who are struggling can get inspo!

Looking at these responses makes me more convinced than ever that how much you enjoy your life comes down to mindset and the temperament you're born with

I don't think so because environment, wealth and levels of support are different for different people.

Mindset is how you approach your life regardless of the environment, wealth and levels of support etc.

eg if you have no money you can feel happy, sad, annoyed, indifferent etc about it. The money is money, but your relationship to money and your feelings about it is what dictates whether you’re content.

It’s not what you do with your day that matters, it’s how you feel about what you do with your day that matters.

The more in tune you are with your feelings, the more you can make choices that align with happiness. In my experience that can be a really incremental process. It’s difficult to change everything overnight because humans don’t like lots of change all at once. So you have to do it little by little.

What makes you happy will differ to what makes me happy. You’ve got to find what makes you happy and say yes to that.

Teachingteacher · 27/04/2023 19:40

I have 1 hour to myself in the mornings (5:30-6:30am before the house wakes) and 1 hour in the evenings (7-8pm once the kids are down. I’m in bed by 8:30-9pm). The rest of the time is my full-time work, domestic stuff, raising my very young kids. So I suppose 10% of my time is enjoyment?

However, while I do chores I listen to audiobooks which I really enjoy, so I’m not sure that’s ‘survival’.

waterlego · 27/04/2023 19:41

I think I’m about 50/50 but would swap the word ‘enjoyment’ for ‘contentment’ or ‘stability’ in my case. I’m not enjoying myself a lot of the time because of my mental health, so for me, contentment/stability is the more realistic thing to aim for (and is good enough for me). I am anxious a fair bit of the time and have a tendency to overthink and catastrophise so am often thinking quite bleak thoughts as I go about my day.

But I’m lucky. I work very part-time (and enjoy my job most of the time), I live near a beautiful beach and spend a fair amount of time there with my dog. I have teenagers who are lovely and don’t give me much trouble 🤞 I get enough sleep. I don’t have a very big mortgage to pay and am financially stable (but have to be quite careful and can’t afford lots in the way of treats/holidays etc).

So I think 50% survival and 50% contentment/stability is where I’m at.

Cherrysherbet · 27/04/2023 19:52

I don’t view life in terms of survival / enjoyment.

I do what I have to do. I like my job. I take care of my family as best I can.

No point in analysing things too much. If you focus on the negatives, you will always feel like you are just surviving.

There are always people worse off, so I try to be thankful for what I’ve got.

SlippySarah · 27/04/2023 19:53

It completely depends on my mindset. I love my job and love my kids and I don't see the things I do towards raising my family as a chore. I'm a single working parent of 2 kids so to some people my whole life sounds like a struggle but I enjoy the chaos and the busyness. I love being single and having family responsibilities that are the whole of my life. I've also just come back from a 10 night holiday, just me and the kids, it involved lots of travelling on planes, trains and busses and self catering. I did all the packing and washing and planning and to some people that sounds shit. But I wouldn't have chosen anything else on my budget and although it was tiring and stressful I would do it all again because I enjoyed it.

It's all about mindset. I feel very sad for people who can find no enjoyment from their day to day life

Bunce1 · 27/04/2023 20:05

60/40 surviving and living. I am really happy and love my life but most of all I have a secure family and job and enough money to have a good standard of living.

I am lucky.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/04/2023 20:28

SlippySarah · 27/04/2023 19:53

It completely depends on my mindset. I love my job and love my kids and I don't see the things I do towards raising my family as a chore. I'm a single working parent of 2 kids so to some people my whole life sounds like a struggle but I enjoy the chaos and the busyness. I love being single and having family responsibilities that are the whole of my life. I've also just come back from a 10 night holiday, just me and the kids, it involved lots of travelling on planes, trains and busses and self catering. I did all the packing and washing and planning and to some people that sounds shit. But I wouldn't have chosen anything else on my budget and although it was tiring and stressful I would do it all again because I enjoyed it.

It's all about mindset. I feel very sad for people who can find no enjoyment from their day to day life

Wondering how old you are? I think having a very busy life with little ones can be quite enjoyable, even holidays where are you say there is lots going on and not much lying on a sun lounger anymore. But I'm 50 now and a sun lounger type of holiday is appealing to me more and more, to my surprise. And goes against what my teenagers want which is to be constantly on the go. I love their company on holiday but I am KNACKERED with the busy part of my life and I'd quite like to just potter around life a bit more.

SlippySarah · 27/04/2023 20:48

I'm 45 - my DC are 8 and 12. Don't get me wrong I'm tired and knackered and sometimes I just want to stay in bed but I wouldn't call it "surviving" - it's the life I have chosen and would chose again.

Maybe I have an issue with the term "surviving" and would use that to refer to people living in war zones or coping with famine and drought. My middle class, busy, life watching my children thrive is bliss in comparison.

bluejelly · 27/04/2023 21:07

IamSuperTired · 27/04/2023 13:41

Well! My life oscillates between 30:70 and 70:30 depending on how I am choosing to view things. I am trying to work on my mindset as I can't change the situation that much and recently I'm definitely more 'enjoy' than survive ...

So eg.. the other night I pulled an all-nighter to finish a report. I've done this twice now. The first time I spent all night thinking how shit it all was, how I wanted to be in bed, how I'd miss out on being with my kids the next day because I'd be so tired erc... how I neeeeeded sleep so bad. It was hell and definitely survival!

The second time I changed my mindset! I tried to get really into the report, enjoy it :) I focussed on living in the moment and trying to enjoy what I was doing (which was really interesting stuff once I got into it!) On that night I was living my best life :)

I think if you can't change the circumstances, then change what you r thinking.

Really savour those moments you are with your children, enjoy time with your DH or whoever is important to you, but also when you are doing the other stuff, try and see it in a more positive light and notice what you like about it :)

Washing up? ... Well, it's 5 minutes of time when I can see stress and daydream! And if I'm biggest by kiddies at the same time, well I try to think how lucky I am to have them there to bug me :)

Commuting - an hour each way where I get to chill with the radio, open the window and enjoy the breeze!

Standing on the football pitch in the rain watching DC .. a couple of hours of seeing my son live his best life, have the best smile on his face, and really have fun :)

A painful hour talking to that competitive parent at football - a learning opportunity...

I know it might sound all woke or whatever, but I really do think changing mindset is the key to turning survival into flourishing....

This is such a good way of looking at things. I used to constantly fill and empty the dishwasher and hate it. Now I try and savour it and thank the dw for sparing me the job of washing up. It probably sounds bonkers but it works for me.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/04/2023 21:44

Teachingteacher · 27/04/2023 19:40

I have 1 hour to myself in the mornings (5:30-6:30am before the house wakes) and 1 hour in the evenings (7-8pm once the kids are down. I’m in bed by 8:30-9pm). The rest of the time is my full-time work, domestic stuff, raising my very young kids. So I suppose 10% of my time is enjoyment?

However, while I do chores I listen to audiobooks which I really enjoy, so I’m not sure that’s ‘survival’.

You don’t only enjoy the time you have on your own though surely? You must also enjoy some time with your young family and / or working?

Oblomov23 · 27/04/2023 21:44

Hmm. Quite high survival. The monotony of every day, going to work, the boringness of having to prepare a meal every night. I do like my job, I have good family, friends, basics. But pleasant times, friends, parties, holidays. Overall I manage it and feel happy.

ElTingo · 27/04/2023 22:17

This is an interesting question.

I want to say 10% enjoyment 90% survival but that sounds so bleak. I'm happy enough in life, but never in top of things with 2 young children, caring for elderly mother and a full time job. I'm quite often over whelmed with life ( emails/ school apps etc) and I think that has reduced my enjoyment. Everything seems such a rush and I feel drained by my children fighting or being rude.

I'm really surprised some people are saying mainly enjoyment! Climate change, cost of living and wars are also tipping my brain into thinking we are living in survival mode. The world feels turbulent.

Hotvimto3 · 27/04/2023 22:19

99.9 survival and response to trauma and abuse

DoNotGiveMeHam · 27/04/2023 22:21

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 13:16

Mine is 80% survival 20% enjoyment. This doesn't seem balanced to me. But is it modern life now? Is it being a working mum? Would like to hear your percentages to see if I am out of line.

This is my life. Almost 40 and I feel miserable

ElTingo · 27/04/2023 22:25

I'd also like to say I love my job, but I love the 10% amazing, fulfilling and satisfying part of it. 90% is drudge work to enable those highs.

kinkin0518 · 27/04/2023 22:26

Workingmomof2 · 27/04/2023 13:23

@kinkin0518 how did you do it if you don’t mind me asking?

Honestly, it took over a year. For me it started with realising that I was just existing, unhappy and not taking care of myself at all. There was a period of time before COVID where I was motivated to be my best self. I took care of my appearance, my skin (nothing expensive just washing twice a day), reading and I felt good internally. Life happened and I got worse and worse. I would roll out of bed and just get things done. I had no energy for anything else. The change started by praying for the energy/strength to look after myself because I genuinely didn't feel capable of it anymore. Slowly over time, I started to challenge myself to do small things for myself like spend time painting my nails, going for walks, doing home exercises, cleaning my face twice a day etc. Making these changes energised me and made me fall in love with myself and my life bit by bit. I joined a physical church vs watching things online, after a year I made my first church friend. I had more energy to reconnect with family. I'm still on the journey but I'm very thankful for the shift

kinkin0518 · 27/04/2023 22:27

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 13:25

@kinkin0518 that's interesting. Was it changing thought processes and realising you would be provided for. I would be keen to know more too

Sorry I replied to another user with the same answer. I'm not sure how to reply to multiple people at once. My response is below 😊

Honestly, it took over a year. For me it started with realising that I was just existing, unhappy and not taking care of myself at all. There was a period of time before COVID where I was motivated to be my best self. I took care of my appearance, my skin (nothing expensive just washing twice a day), reading and I felt good internally. Life happened and I got worse and worse. I would roll out of bed and just get things done. I had no energy for anything else. The change started by praying for the energy/strength to look after myself because I genuinely didn't feel capable of it anymore. Slowly over time, I started to challenge myself to do small things for myself like spend time painting my nails, going for walks, doing home exercises, cleaning my face twice a day etc. Making these changes energised me and made me fall in love with myself and my life bit by bit. I joined a physical church vs watching things online, after a year I made my first church friend. I had more energy to reconnect with family. I'm still on the journey but I'm very thankful for the shift

IamnotHWhittier · 27/04/2023 22:32

10 survival, 90 fun.
I should say my last 2 kids went off to uni last September and we are quite relaxed work wise. I love my work, always have but more recently I don’t work for clients anymore, just for me. So it’s great.
I should say, come the summer when kids all back survival may increase.

Im with @hamstersarse on the extra category. So 20% = not exactly fun just ok and 70% = fun ie enjoy what I’m doing

Atmywitsend23 · 27/04/2023 22:32

Mine used to be much more balanced before I became chronically ill. Now I’d say 90% survival as managing daily life and full time employment with ill health has been incredibly difficult.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 27/04/2023 22:40

10% survival
55% unemotional mundane 'no harm' life stuff
35% enjoyment

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 27/04/2023 22:54

98% enjoyment, elderly parent concerns & menopause has taken my balance down a bit. Not being materialistic and loving my job also help. I really do love my life

WannabeSlimSally · 27/04/2023 23:05

Dotjones · 27/04/2023 15:50

Probably 99% survival and 1% enjoyment for me. There can be days, weeks, sometimes months where I barely enjoy anything. I think it's just life. It's hard to enjoy the evening or weekend because I know that work is just around the corner. Mostly my downtime is still me in survival mode - sleeping, distracting myself with movies, food and/or alcohol - I don't really "enjoy" these things most of the time, things are usually either bad or indifferent.

Sometimes people say things like "why are you miserable if you can't explain what's wrong?" I find it hard to give a good answer other than I enjoy myself when things are going well. Just getting by isn't enjoyment to me. To enjoy life I need the freedom to do what I want today, and know I can do the same the next day and the one after that. I know that realistically that won't happen until I'm a pensioner, and even if I survive until then I know I won't be able to (physically or financially) do the things I wish I could do today but can't (because of time or, again, money).

This, completely... it's like you read my mind.

SchoolShenanigans · 27/04/2023 23:10

I guess I'd say 70% survival, 30% enjoyment.

I suspect, as my kids grow, so will my enjoyment. I adore my children but it's so very tiring. I long for more time to myself.

I'm also not loving my job which doesn't help. But it provides a good work/life balance so I feel I should stick with it for the time being.

RoseMartha · 27/04/2023 23:32

At least 95% survival. Struggling to get through each day

hereiamagainn · 27/04/2023 23:39

Tricky to say as I’m a bit low right now, so I don’t get into gear for the “enjoyment” but as much as I should do, I just sit scrolling on my phone, or hiding in bed. If I put the effort in I could probably be 60% enjoyment, but as it stands it’s probably more like 30%.