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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what % of your life is survival vs enjoyment?

111 replies

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 13:16

Mine is 80% survival 20% enjoyment. This doesn't seem balanced to me. But is it modern life now? Is it being a working mum? Would like to hear your percentages to see if I am out of line.

OP posts:

Sparklybutold · 28/04/2023 00:01

Interesting post. Especially as right now I keep revisiting the idea of what's the point? I'm in survival almost 100% of the time.

existentialpain · 28/04/2023 02:43

95% survival. I've always found life tough due to my experiences. I try and find something to enjoy but it isn't easy. I envy people who love life or have it easy. I just plod along and hope for better days.

BagelAndMarmite · 28/04/2023 06:32

I quite enjoy my job, and my home life is very pleasant, so I want to say 100% enjoyment. I'm trying to think of an element that feels like 'survival' and can't.
I have a lovely DH, a sweet dog, no kids and no money worries (although we're just ordinary).

BagelAndMarmite · 28/04/2023 06:37

Reading other people's responses, I agree that something like 'contentment' probably makes more sense for people than 'enjoyment'. 'Enjoyment' sounds too high voltage to describe much of life.

Snowpaw · 28/04/2023 06:59

I had an epiphany about this recently. Realised life was too much survival and not enough enjoyment. So I cut my working hours in half and decided I’d rather live on less money and have more fun. I now work three days a week only and have taken up a hobby one evening and also am in the process of losing weight and enjoying exercise / being outdoors on my days off rather than being the sedentary stressed out overworked person I was before this. I am so incredibly happy to have made this change. My DD is also benefitting greatly. I’m sleeping better, am happier and healthier.

IamSuperTired · 28/04/2023 11:15

Commonsensitivity · 27/04/2023 18:29

The variation is really interesting. Those with a high 80% plus enjoyment can you tell me what a typical day looks like for you? Perhaps we who are struggling can get inspo!

Looking at these responses makes me more convinced than ever that how much you enjoy your life comes down to mindset and the temperament you're born with

I don't think so because environment, wealth and levels of support are different for different people.

Someone very rich, with all the privilege in the world can be I happy. The great Robbin Williams who took his own life is an example.

Someone struggling on the bread line, working 7 dyas a week and carrying for sick children can be happy.

The way you look at things deeply impacts how you feel. So to one person huge debt can be thought of as horrendous and the end of the world. They are likely to feel shit. To another it can be an experience, a challenge and a learning curve. They are likely to feel better. To one person getting up all through the night for night feeds can be thought of as hell and never ending. They are likely to feel in survival mode and that life is hard work. To another it might feel like a time to hold on to cherished memories, to be with the little person they love, a chance for bonding and the tiredness something to signify their strength. They are likely to feel happier than the former person and less in survival.

I don't think wealth or privilege determines mindset. How you choose to view your life is up to you. That is v empowering and means we are all equal.

IamSuperTired · 28/04/2023 11:16

*unhappy - Robbin Williams. Not I happy. Sorry typo

Original poster

Commonsensitivity · 28/04/2023 12:39

@IamSuperTired but that sounds almost like toxic positivity. If you've in the worst circumstances and not happy it's your fault for the wrong mindset.

It's interesting a lot of people that have listed high enjoyment levels are time rich and child free!

OP posts:

IamSuperTired · 28/04/2023 12:41

Commonsensitivity · 28/04/2023 12:39

@IamSuperTired but that sounds almost like toxic positivity. If you've in the worst circumstances and not happy it's your fault for the wrong mindset.

It's interesting a lot of people that have listed high enjoyment levels are time rich and child free!

I don't know what toxic positivity is, but I do know that if you can't change the situation you have two choices - keep going and be miserable or keep going and be happy. The only way to achieve the latter is to change the way you are viewing the situation.

Heroicallyfound · 28/04/2023 12:49

IamSuperTired · 28/04/2023 12:41

Show quote history

Yes, but you can only change your thoughts, not your feelings.

So toxic positivity = internal pressure and denial =

‘I have no money and feel worried about that. It’s negative and bad to feel worried so I’m going to pretend I don’t feel worried and tell myself to feel happy instead’.

And good mindset = internal freedom, allowing your feelings and taking actions that align with your happiness =

‘I have no money and feel worried about that. It’s okay to feel worried and I’m going to harness that worry to help me make better choices and take better actions that help me feel less worried’.

They might both result in good actions but the internal freedom/pressure is very different.

Jellycats4life · 28/04/2023 12:58

I have two autistic kids who cause me no end of stress and worry (and quite a significant amount of meltdowns and conflict) so I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say my days are 90 to 100% survival.

But I’m wondering whether my definition of “enjoyment” isn’t the same as other people’s. Enjoyment for me is general happiness and contentment, feeling relaxed and satisfied with life. I’m too busy surviving to experience that.

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