How would you feel if your spouse said this about you?

[Looooop]

A man I know, he's been married for over 20 years, now very late 40s, and his wife is a similar age.
I overheard him saying to a friend "I'm happily married and love my wife, but I wish she still looked how she did 20 years ago and still weighed the same."

How would you feel if your partner said this about you?

Totally depends on context.

If someones spouse has put on a significant amount of weight (due to lifestyle not health reasons) and stopped taking as much care of their appearance (eg I know some people who used to wear fashionable clothes, do their hair and then when they became a parent or started working from home more, they kind of gave up) then that's a change that a lot of people of both sexes might struggle with. Because they fell in love with someone and the person now may not look anything like that person any more.

If they were asked directly, if it was in the context of a friend being worried for example that they have changed themselves and their spouse doesnt find them attractive any more, then it's not too bad.

If its just he is pissed off that his wife looks a bit older within the usual ageing process, and normal age related sagging / weight gain, and he is going about telling anyone who will listen, well then he sounds like a total idiot and that's really hurtful for his wife

Surely everyone wishes they had their younger body back though. I'm the least vain person I know and would make absolutely no effort with my appearance if it wouldn't embarrass DP if I didn't.

But I still wish I didn't have errant nostril and ear hairs appearing as if by magic, I wish my knee didn't go pop every time I stand up, and wish I had the energy I had when I was a twenty year old. I think for most people, the visual signs of aging are reminders that their bodies are starting to fail them. Yes you can still look good as you age, but you can't reclaim that youth. I think that's what most people mean when they say they wish they had the body of a 20 year old again.

Oh no, I know what your aim was, don't worry!

I'd be devastated.

People who are really in love seem to hold their partners in such adoration that they are as beautiful to them when they first met if not more.

Well I wouldn't say it out loud (well to my best friend after a few drinks maybe). I love my husband and I'm definitely still attracted to him but yeah he's definitely not the beefcake he was 20 yrs ago.

I get what you mean about the body thing. I don't wish I had my 20 year old face again, I had a round football face, severe acne and crooked teeth, and I've also had a nose job so I'm a lot happier with how I look now.
I just hope that my partner will find me beautiful as I age and not wish for the younger me, but who knows.

Well after 20 years of marriage I bet he's no Adonis
If my DH said this he would be getting his lights put out 😉

I bet his wife could say the same about him.

He doesn't love her like he should saying something like that! I doubt he looks the same as he did then either! 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I overheard him saying to a friend

He didn't say it to her tho. That would be really crass. Friends talk amongst each other. He should have made sure no one else heard. Women talk about their husbands to their friends in similar way.
"I wish Jeff was energetic like before"
"I wish Jeff had hair like before"
"I wish Jeff lost that beer belly like before"
Very high probability hos wife says similar things to her friends about him, yes.

I don't think I'd be too upset, I miss the 20-something me as well frankly. Be a bit surprised at the tactlessness though! We both know we looked great when we were younger and are older and bigger now. It's not even age specifically, more "parents of young children" tiredness and lack of time.

I would be disappointed that I had married someone who was not only shallow but also quite thick.

And it wouldn't surprise me if she has. Almost certainly, she's thought it.

While I am sure there are some people who are as pure in thought as the driven snow, this is not an uncommon thought people have about their partners, or even themselves for that matter. Most people just wouldn't dare verbalize it. It is just one of those assumed and unspoken truths.

Hell, just the other day, my wife was looking through some old pictures, and found one of herself, very scantily clad, in her 20's, and the trap was set when she wistfully remarked how amazing her boobs and bum were back then. Of course I told her I think she still looks amazing, because in my eyes, she does.

But that gets to the challenge in these types of scenarios...

Objectively speaking, if they were not our partners, and we knew nothing more about them other than a side by side picture of them when they were mid 20's compared to mid 50's, in most cases, the younger picture would be the one most people said was more attractive.

But that's not the case with a long term partner, at least not in the same way with upwards of a lifetime of experience and familiarity with them. The fact that my wife looked better when she was much younger does not diminish in any way how attractive I find her now, nor does it affect my desire for her.

I’d laugh. I know it’s a fact I look worse than when I met my partner but we’ve gone downhill at the same rate so it’s fair game. My response would be ‘the door is there’, go find a supermodel mate I’m sure there’s a queue of them.

I would guess it wouldn't be the first time he'd commented on her appearance throughout their relationship. If they had kids he probably would have said the same about her post baby body. I don't think he suddenly turned into a cunt because she's older. He's always been a cunt.

Be careful what you wish for Dh is an exercise nut and eats very well so if anything he looks better now at 46 then when we got together mid twenties - nightmare!

That's bad. I'm 7st more now than when I got married 43 years ago, yet my husband still loves me. He doesn't look quite the same, either

Depends on the context, said in anger with intent to hurt, obviously would be mean. Said to a friend, I don't see the problem.

Saying I want a partner that has stars in their eyes every time they see me, thinks I'm more beautiful every day, can't see my flaws, etc... That isn't real life. I can see my DH is getting older and is that my absolute dream physical preference - no. Does that diminish our relationship and life together - also no.

I’d say I wish I still weighed and looked the same as I did 20 years ago too.

It might not be a nice thing to hear but he didn't say it to his wife and I don't really agree with policing what people say to their friends.

It think he was a pathetic dribble of piss tbh. It's not the sort of thing a decent man says.

Does.he still look the same.as he did 20 years ago?