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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel if your spouse said this about you?

97 replies

Looooop · 27/04/2023 11:56

A man I know, he's been married for over 20 years, now very late 40s, and his wife is a similar age.
I overheard him saying to a friend "I'm happily married and love my wife, but I wish she still looked how she did 20 years ago and still weighed the same."

How would you feel if your partner said this about you?

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 27/04/2023 13:57

I overheard him saying to a friend "I'm happily married and love my wife, but I wish she still looked how she did 20 years ago and still weighed the same."

He’s being honest, I suppose - but it’s very unkind. The perfect response would be to say “presumably she preferred you when you were younger and had more hair”, which is probably also true!

GoldenFarfalle · 27/04/2023 13:59

Inthesamesinkingboat · 27/04/2023 12:01

I wouldn’t feel anything, I’d be to busy burying a body in the back garden

😂

SorePaw · 27/04/2023 13:59

Looooop · 27/04/2023 12:01

It's quite a depressing thought really. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought I looked better 20 years ago and looked a bit rough now but stays out of loyalty.

But that's not what he said!!

he said he's happily married & loves his wife

NOT that he was staying because he felt he had to, you're twisting his words.

yes I'd feel hurt that he said that to someone else, as another poster said they're 'inside thoughts'.

but honestly, there aren't many people who are more attractive in their late 40's than late 20's & not many who wouldn't wish they & their partner still looked like that.

he needs a filter on his mouth, but you need to stop twisting his words.

Truestorypeeps · 27/04/2023 14:11

Looooop · 27/04/2023 11:56

A man I know, he's been married for over 20 years, now very late 40s, and his wife is a similar age.
I overheard him saying to a friend "I'm happily married and love my wife, but I wish she still looked how she did 20 years ago and still weighed the same."

How would you feel if your partner said this about you?

Say, me too!!! :-D

oioimatey · 27/04/2023 14:12

I'm guessing she thinks the same about him

SplendidUtterly · 27/04/2023 14:19

I bet she wishes he still looked the same as he did 20 years ago.

pikantna · 27/04/2023 14:23

Looooop · 27/04/2023 12:27

See I find it sad that people desperately wished they look like they did at such a young age. Why does nobody prefer how they look now?

I don't desperately wish I looked like I did back then, but give me a choice between my pre baby 22 year old body and face and the one I have now, I would definitely choose the former. I can't exercise or groom away stretchmarks and moved bones and prolapses and droop.

Silverrocks · 27/04/2023 14:25

I mean I suspect many people of both sexes if they're being really honest feel the same, verbalising it is another thing, but I think if it was to a friend and not to his wife then meh.

KievLoverTwo · 27/04/2023 14:27

Inthesamesinkingboat · 27/04/2023 12:01

I wouldn’t feel anything, I’d be to busy burying a body in the back garden

I came to Mumsnet for property advice. I am staying for folks like you.

SmallFerret · 27/04/2023 14:28

How would you feel if your partner said this about you?

Can't deny it would sting, but honestly - I'd be more disappointed than hurt.

Disappointed enough to take a step back while I considered my H & marriage from all angles, & decided whether it was something I still wanted.

KievLoverTwo · 27/04/2023 14:29

Disappointed.

That I had chosen a partner who turned out to be vacuous, or, rather than becoming more tolerant, laid back and accepting over the years, had actually grown quite ugly inside.

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/04/2023 14:30

Inthesamesinkingboat · 27/04/2023 12:01

I wouldn’t feel anything, I’d be to busy burying a body in the back garden

😂 😂 😂

This.

mackthepony · 27/04/2023 14:30

Yes it's rubbish but they all think like this

Men are image obsessed

Whochangedmynamec · 27/04/2023 14:30

I’m not particularly sensitive and I have said exactly the same thing about myself so I would probably think he’s not wrong!

Nanny0gg · 27/04/2023 14:32

Looooop · 27/04/2023 12:15

It's sad that there's such an obsession with youth. Being slim and healthy can be achieved at any age barring certain health conditions of course. But we live in this society where there is an obsession with 'looks fading' people saying they 'used to be beautiful ' 'men ignore them now.'
Honestly it's fucking depressing and it just makes me not want to age even though I'm only 31, is this what I've got to look forward to.
The way some women over 50 describe themselves on here you'd like they were these absolute monstrous trolls.
My aunt is 58, she's had work done but she goes to the gym daily and still looks good in a bikini. Still got a beautiful face,I wouldn't say she looked better when she was younger, just younger.

If you were attractive in your youth there is a likelihood you still will when you're older. You've also said your aunt has had work done and goes to the gym regularly.

Well, those of us that were frankly, ordinary, in our younger days, don't have work done and don't go to the gym, don't look as good now as we did then

I don't and my husband doesn't. We're both at least two stone heavier and a little bit shorter (we're getting on a bit)

I wish both of us looked better, to be honest.

piedbeauty · 27/04/2023 14:34

🙄 Does HE look the same as he did 20 years ago? Does he weigh the same?

I bet not.

3BSHKATS · 27/04/2023 14:35

It's how most of them think whether they say it out loud or not. I worked with a guy who's wife is/was beautiful, head and shoulders above me in the looks department but he still wanted to sleep with me, just for something different. Obviously I told him no, but it blew my socks off.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/04/2023 14:38

mackthepony · 27/04/2023 14:30

Yes it's rubbish but they all think like this

Men are image obsessed

Are they? I'm mid thirties, as is my partner and he regularly sees me looking my 'worst' - no makeup, messy hair, oversized clothes, etc. Unless I'm really naive and a bit of a mug, I have no doubt that he's really attracted to me, even when I don't look amazing.

3BSHKATS · 27/04/2023 14:39

AllOfThemWitches · 27/04/2023 14:38

Are they? I'm mid thirties, as is my partner and he regularly sees me looking my 'worst' - no makeup, messy hair, oversized clothes, etc. Unless I'm really naive and a bit of a mug, I have no doubt that he's really attracted to me, even when I don't look amazing.

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If he's not slept with someone else he's in the minority.

Crikeyalmightey · 27/04/2023 14:40

"inside thoughts" is my takeaway from this thread. If only more people kept some thoughts inside. 🙄

fishonabicycle · 27/04/2023 14:41

I am still the same size, but obviously am a lot older now, so creases have appeared! I would say the same back - it's not very kind. Everyone ages

IhearyouClemFandango · 27/04/2023 14:41

I'd feel like saying "I'm sure she feels the same way"

AllOfThemWitches · 27/04/2023 14:42

3BSHKATS · 27/04/2023 14:39

If he's not slept with someone else he's in the minority.

Show quote history

Of course he's slept with someone else, before he met me. You can never say for sure but I've never been worried. If he chooses to, it's his loss. 🤷‍♀️

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 27/04/2023 14:47

If someone said that to me I'd think they were a knob and reply along the lines of 'I'm sure she feels exactly the same'. Hopefully that will clue them in to their idiocy!

3BSHKATS · 27/04/2023 14:50

AllOfThemWitches · 27/04/2023 14:42

Of course he's slept with someone else, before he met me. You can never say for sure but I've never been worried. If he chooses to, it's his loss. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I didn't mean before you.