Would you leave your young child at a birthday party when you don't know the parents?

[Cheapcookies]

Short version: organising child's birthday party and shocked at the implication that some parents will be leaving 4/5 year olds and picking them up at the end. AIBU for expecting them to stay?

Other version: organising DCs 4th birthday party. I've told her she can pick 10 children from her preschool due to limits on numbers. She named one but 3 children are called the same name, so I needed to check who she meant, and I mentioned it to the child's mum - explained I couldn't invite the whole class due to number restrictions etc. The mum said it is a lot of children for me to look after if I invited them all.
I'm now slightly concerned that there will be an expectation that I will look after the children and parents can pick up later. I'm really not comfortable with doing that and assumed parents would stay, that is what I do when DD is invited to parties, especially as they are so young and we as parents don't really know each other (different if it's a close friend).
Not all of the children in her class can use the toilet independently, either, and I'm not prepared to assist with that.
Not sure if I should have written anything about this on the invitations!

YABU - if you're inviting 4/5 year olds to a party then usually parents would leave and come back even if they don't know you
YANBU - the parents should stay with them, or at least ask what the expectation is

It depends on the area. I’m in London and all the parties here no one drops and leaves until after Reception but even in Yr1 I found most parents will stay unless specifically told it’s better to leave.
However in another part of London I was shocked that my friend hosting a 4 year olds party had not a single parent stay with over 20 3/4 year olds! Children all attended a pre-prep so maybe the fancy parents just don’t do children’s parties?

My DS is 6 and I wouldn't leave him. There's usually a group of mums at parties and they are still really needy at that age. Some mums leave but they always have a mum friend be responsible for them.

At my DS 5th party in a soft play a mum dropped off and it was really inappropriate. The child came to me for everything including getting to the toilet. There's no way I would let a stranger not in a regulated setting take my child to the toilet. She came to me and said she was thirsty but her mum hadn't given her money...obviously there was juice for her but I felt so sorry for her. Then the worst part, she bit into a little chocolate marshmallow and didn't like it so came over and spat it out in my hand! Then the mum was calling me for the last 20 minutes of the party to arrange a specific time for me to bring her daughter out because she didn't want to have to find a parking space to come in and get her daughter. Kids are still so unaware of social norms at that age, it's not fair to leave them alone.

I certainly wouldn’t leave a child that young, who is not toilet trained/able to use the toilet independently, and not familiar with the other adults who would be there. I’d be shocked if people did.
but once in reception and toilet trained, more acceptable.
but perfectly fine to specify on the invitations that you’d like a parent to stay.

I would always stay but it depends on the culture of that particular school/ class. With my eldest (year 4 now) all parents stayed when young, for my youngest (year 1) lots of parents just dropped off.

My DS is 4 and we've been to tonnes of pre-school parties this year. Parents have always stayed. I'd be shocked if someone left a four year old.

DD is in nursery and they're all turning 4 this year. At every party all the parents have always stayed. I'd be pretty shocked at a drop and run for pre-school kids to be honest.

I have done a a 4 and a 5 year old party for my ds on the last year and the parents stayed for both. I think when I was a child it was normal to leave the children at a party but I also think people knew the parents more etc

Oh, don't be "that" parent...

At that age I’d be staying 100%!

If child needs help with toilet parent should stay, if they are fine not necessarily, but hopefully you can ask some parents you know to stay to help. At 4 to 5 it didn't really cross my mind that they might not be able to use the toilet by themselves, but I guess the parents of those children would have elected to stay and helped them out if necessary, never had a toilet problem.

At a party where I didn't know the parents I would probably have offered to stay and help being a not very trusting person.

DD is 5 and all the parties we’ve attended/held so far the parents have all stayed. I don’t think I would leave her for another year or two

I have a 4 Yr old I would not expect parents to be leaving children that young even if they did know you!

No, I wouldn’t leave a child that young

Pre—school - always have a known adult stay
Reception - some drop off, some stay
Anything older - norm is drop off unless challenging/additional needs

Pre-school= stay
Reception+= bugger off

If they’re not loo trained parent stays

but yeah, I’ll leave mine with anyone given half a chance for an hour of quiet !

At 4/5 I would expect to stay. My ds (aged 5) can be shy around other adults. If the party is on a Saturday and over my working hours then dh would probably decline as we have 2 other children. If it was a close friend of ds's then he would ask if he could leave him and then once I finished work he would go and join ds. Our 7 year old has had two parties this year and we've had to leave her as I was working. I would only leave ds if he was comfortable and the parents were known to us as he's still little, even then I'd be hesitant.

We didn’t see anyone leave them until Y1. Even In Reception plenty of the DC were toilet trained but couldn’t cope with unfamiliar loos or if they’d done a poo etc etc. Y1 was probably 50:50, Y2 only the most nervous DC had parents stay.

I have 4 DC and I didn’t leave any of them without me before at least 6 years old for the sensible mature ones and 7 for the less sensible ones. I really think 5 is too young no matter how sensible they are.

No I wouldn’t leave a child that young, I think the expectation at that age would be that parents would stay.

My daughter turned 5 in March and only started being invited to birthday parties in September when she started school (so they've all been parties for 5 year olds so far.)

At the moment I've stayed with her for all of those parties and the vast majority of other parents have stayed with theirs too.
If you're not sure, maybe you could include something on the invite so they confirm if they'll need to leave at all when they RSVP?

At that age it could go either way, so I would expect it to be made clear in the invitation.

Gosh that must have made you feel really clever and superior stalking the OPs previous post and then doing your wagatha Christie moment...go you...

I would not leave a child until they were potty trained, but nearly every 4 and 5 year old is.

I never dropped off until mine were about 7 and I knew the parents well. Other parents stayed too. Only chance for a social life for a few years tbh.

You need to make it absolutely clear what your expectations are.

I was probably a bit naive but, years ago, I dropped my 4 year old off at a party (didn't know the DPs - it was at their home) ... they did look a bit surprised but didn't say anything. DS was always a very confident DC. I used to hate DPs hanging around when I organised parties.

I used to be a Beaver Leader and DC join at 6 and certainly don't need parents hanging around ...they go to overnight camps as well.