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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave your young child at a birthday party when you don't know the parents?

98 replies

Cheapcookies · 27/04/2023 09:46

Short version: organising child's birthday party and shocked at the implication that some parents will be leaving 4/5 year olds and picking them up at the end. AIBU for expecting them to stay?

Other version: organising DCs 4th birthday party. I've told her she can pick 10 children from her preschool due to limits on numbers. She named one but 3 children are called the same name, so I needed to check who she meant, and I mentioned it to the child's mum - explained I couldn't invite the whole class due to number restrictions etc. The mum said it is a lot of children for me to look after if I invited them all.
I'm now slightly concerned that there will be an expectation that I will look after the children and parents can pick up later. I'm really not comfortable with doing that and assumed parents would stay, that is what I do when DD is invited to parties, especially as they are so young and we as parents don't really know each other (different if it's a close friend).
Not all of the children in her class can use the toilet independently, either, and I'm not prepared to assist with that.
Not sure if I should have written anything about this on the invitations!

YABU - if you're inviting 4/5 year olds to a party then usually parents would leave and come back even if they don't know you
YANBU - the parents should stay with them, or at least ask what the expectation is

OP posts:
JessieJoJames · 27/04/2023 10:16

Have a 4 year old and have never seen anyone just leave them at a party. I honestly won't be leaving mine for a good few years yet. Not the done thing around here.

AlltheFs · 27/04/2023 10:18

All our preschool parties parents always stay. The parties at school are drop and go usually as far as I know but usually the hosting parent ropes in a few others to stay to help.

DD is Sept born and is going to a lot of 4th parties, I stay (she is 4 in Sept so no school until 2024).

Tookeffort81 · 27/04/2023 10:20

It doesn’t really matter about “expectation” op

YOU are arranging a party for YOUR child. So you need to woman up and convey what YOU want the format of the party to be on this issue

Equalitea · 27/04/2023 10:24

Some will want to stay and some won’t. You really need to be clear that you want them to stay incase it impacts their ability to accept the invitation.

Thoughtful2355 · 27/04/2023 10:34

i have seen it happen but i wouldnt be leaving until child is at least 8/9 in case anything happened and id make sure to stay close with my phone and that they knew my number just in case

EatYourVegetables · 27/04/2023 10:35

Not for the 4th bday party, yes for the 6th.

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 27/04/2023 10:36

YOU are arranging a party for YOUR child. So you need to woman up and convey what YOU want the format of the party to be on this issue

Are you ok?

OP posts:
Tookeffort81 · 27/04/2023 10:37

Cheapcookies · 27/04/2023 10:36

YOU are arranging a party for YOUR child. So you need to woman up and convey what YOU want the format of the party to be on this issue

Are you ok?

I am

You’re not though! 😂

Tookeffort81 · 27/04/2023 10:41

perhaps if the parents knew what you started a thread about recently (your DD letting herself out of the house alone and a neighbour calling you when realised she was alone) - they wouldn’t be quite so keen to leave their child unattended?

Heronwatcher · 27/04/2023 10:48

IME once they start school, provided my child is happy to stay without me, I usually expect to drop and run. My last DD is in reception and a bit more clingy so I have been staying at parties with her, but if she’s happy to stay I would intend to leave her. Again IME in pre-school/ reception there’s usually quite a few parents who stay so you should be OK but if you’re worried, yes you should clarify or why don’t you ask a few normal parents if they’d be happy to stay?

PuttingDownRoots · 27/04/2023 10:51

When mine were that age not all the parents stayed but it was parents sharing the "load" between them so Bob's mum would bring Bob and Jack while Jacks mum has Bob's brother for example. Sometimes my DDs best friends nanny would take DD to parties if I had work. That sort of thing.

Mrsjayy · 27/04/2023 10:55

PuttingDownRoots · 27/04/2023 10:51

When mine were that age not all the parents stayed but it was parents sharing the "load" between them so Bob's mum would bring Bob and Jack while Jacks mum has Bob's brother for example. Sometimes my DDs best friends nanny would take DD to parties if I had work. That sort of thing.

Yes that's what we did so we would stick around at parties to lend a hand.

DreamingofGinoclock · 27/04/2023 10:55

My Daughter is in reception and parents still all stay at parties! ...they are generally still all class parties ...but I imagine over the next few years when they become more activities with limited numbers it would be drop and leave

Wiaa · 27/04/2023 11:02

My eldest is just about to turn 7 and at all the parties we've been to so far all the parents have stayed with two exceptions, a December one when COVID was still a big issue when the parents offered the choice and one family who walked around the shops with their baby for about half the party. Most people wouldn't want to leave such a young child alone

Cheapcookies · 27/04/2023 11:07

This reply has been deleted

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Tookeffort81 · 27/04/2023 11:11

🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Cheapcookies · 27/04/2023 11:11

Thanks folks, appreciate your input, even if one or two parents leave for a while it looks like it might not be everyone so that's ok :) and I'll have family members on hand to help for the duration anyway.

OP posts:
FlounderingFruitcake · 27/04/2023 11:12

Drop and run only started in Y1 for us so 6th birthdays although some of the children would still be 5. 4 is still very young especially if they are still at nursery; I’d expect summer born reception age to be more independent.

That said, if you’re not inviting siblings and you have single parents or families where 1 parent works weekends then there’s probably not a lot else they can do. They should ask you first though if you mind them dropping, it’s rude to just presume you’re ok to mind extra kids whilst doing all the party stuff too!

Snugglemonkey · 27/04/2023 12:11

It was the year they all turned ,5 that parents started just dropping here.

blahblahblah1654 · 27/04/2023 12:13

No it's too young and I'd find it rude if I didn't know the child/parents.

Natsku · 27/04/2023 12:28

DS had his 5th birthday party a couple of months ago, all the parents dropped and ran (one child actually just walked in the house without a parent, didn't even knock at the door, just let himself in and made himself at home!) but most asked if it was ok first. I was prepared for this because it happened at DD's 5th birthday party too so only invited 5 children (and only 4 came)

Neither of my children went to anyone else's birthday party at 4 or 5 (well, still time for DS to be invited to one but not yet anyway) but DD went to 6th and older ones and drop and run was the expectation. At 5 I'd ask what the host prefers, at 4 I'd expect to stay.

strawberry2017 · 27/04/2023 12:30

My daughter is 5 and I haven't dropped and left at any parties. I don't know any mums that do at this age.
I think it's more normal as they get older but not this young.

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 27/04/2023 12:32

In our class kids weren't dropped and left until they were about 9
Pre school is way too young and I'm surprised the parent is considering it

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 27/04/2023 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Just took the words right out of my mouth lols

Cakencookieobsessed · 27/04/2023 12:34

I would just assume I had to stay and wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him.