To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

[Sconesandgravy]

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

@Sconesandgravy people are being dicks today. (Not autocorrect I didn’t mean ducks).
Your wedding sounds lovely. Of course you can have a small wedding without siblings and parents. People are weird. Your wedding is for you.
Your MIL was a total dick saying and doing that with your cake. Just minimise contact going forth.

How is she weirdly enmeshed with her children? I can't imagine any parent not being disappointed that they child's siblings were not included but friends were.

@dancinfeet but it would on the groom to request that the catering incorporated food from his culture. Would you go to for example an Indian wedding and expect to be served things like poached salmon? For the relatives to bring stuff uninvited and unplanned is incredibly rude. I'd be livid about that for years.

No. My aunty and uncle. My parents weren't there. Hence why I said his parents and my parental figures.

My uncle offered to do a wedding video as his gift to us.
There is nothing of our vows or anything, just lots of close ups of Bridesmaids cleavage and bottoms. As he got drunker the close ups got closer and there is footage of a bridesmaids husband threatening to punch him
Married over 20 years and find it funny now

Unnecessarily aggressive and unpleasant take on the situation. OP has explained her reasons perfectly well

YANBU. I think every family is different, so I get why some people think it's harsh that you invited best friends over siblings, but in some families, that really wouldn't be a problem. It depends on what types of relationships you have.

What MIL thought about your choice is irrelevant really. It's your wedding, she was invited and either goes or doesn't go. She doesn't get the right to make a big point about the invite list throughout the wedding.

But let if go OP. You wanted a small wedding, presumably because you don't want the drama and you care more about the marriage than the wedding. So, in that spirit, acknowledge that MIL isn't perfect and overspoke, then move on.

FWIW - your wedding sounds perfect to me.

OP. you can invite who you like to your wedding. And the problem is that if you want a v small wedding, the more guests you are persuaded to have the bigger it gets.

My irritating wedding story is about BIL whose entire best man’s speech was about DH’s first wedding and wife. One joke could have been ok but not the whole speech. Dick.

At our wedding we had exh’s cousin mithering to bring his new girlfriend, and uncles and aunts etc getting involved. Then he had invited some family friends from abroad, who said “oh yes we’re coming and bringing an extra guest, y, whose is x’s girlfriend”. Not even asking, or “I’m terribly sorry but” or anything.

We had a low key wedding followed by a nice meal for about 15 guests. That evening we had a 'reception style' party for 80 wider friends and family.
Our relationship with FIL and Step-MIL had always been a bit strained but she seems to behave herself for the wedding itself. She went a bit unhinged for the nice lunch, only wanting to discuss an upcoming football match and condiment preferences but it could have been worse.

We learned later that in the 2 hour break between lunch and the start of the party she refused to come out of her room, watched the football match and then decided she wasn't coming to the Reception at all. DH told his Dad that their non attendance would cause concern with the extended family and that DH would not hold back in explaining everything that had gone on.
FIL probably didn't want the embarrassment and agreed that they would come.
They turned up really late, dressed in casual clothes and S-MIL refused to come into the actual room, choosing to lurk at the secondary bar all evening (We referred to her as the Vampire!) Our only interaction was when he tried to shove £20 in my husband's pocket for him 'to buy himself a drink'.

This was 7 years ago, been pretty much NC since. They have not met our DC (3yrs & 4m). At this point it's a relief to not have to deal with it. We tried for years before this point, so stressful. Can definitely sympathise with you OP.

My in laws didn't want to lose their precious son. They did everything they could to cause trouble before the wedding, to the point where dh privately told me he was having nothing to do with them after (it was actually me who eventually persuaded him not to do this). They tried to stop him leaving the house on the night of the church rehearsal, so he arrived late, much to the annoyance of my dad and the Vicar. On the wedding morning, FIL turned up to collect the buttonholes and told my dad, within my earshot, that dh was extremely nervous and he didn't know if he'd turn up. I found out later that they wouldn't let him use the bathroom to try and prevent him getting ready and MIL had been crying all morning saying she was devastated. Dh quickly got ready and just stood outside waiting for the cars, as he'd had enough of them. At the wedding they never spoke to me or my family, just sat in a huddle with their friends who they'd insisted on inviting (even though my dad had paid for everything) looking more like they were at a wake than a wedding. They never even said I looked nice or the service, meal etc went well and only spoke to me once in the evening, when they approached me and MIL said "I suppose we'd better say hello to our new DIL" to me. I only realised why she didn't want to lose him afterwards, you never lived together till marriage in those days and I was shocked to find out dh expected to do the majority of the housework (apparently vacuum cleaners were too heavy for women to lug about and ironing would make his mother feel faint) and hand nearly all his wages over every month as that's what he'd had to do "at home".

Also my grandparents when they were elderly and in poor health were sick of weddings and family events. They were genuinely happier having a piece of cake and a chat later instead but were often forced into attending by my militant auntie who wouldn’t hear of them having a quiet afternoon instead.

Oh yes I forgot we also asked BIL to take photos (keen photographer) and we got millions of photos of his girlfriend, and absolutely none of my family or friends. Only a couple of with either of us in them!

We went away and married quietly abroad. We did so purely because this was the wedding we wanted, in a place which had meaning for us, and our only guests were a couple we were close friends with and their two children.

Apparently the in-laws were furious, although DH (quite sensibly) kept quiet about this and I didn't find out until several years later. SiL attacked DH, claiming their mother was 'very upset'. She was personally furious because her daughters hadn't been my bridesmaids, and was angry that our friend's daughter had this role. I had never even seen the children, owing to being VLC with SiL who behaved abominably after the death of my DM.

DH hates weddings and big ostentatious parties, and I didn't want a wedding with my relatives conspicuously absent, as most of them died at far too young an age. So we married in a beautiful location overseas, because this is what suited us. It did have the incidental advantage that his family were unable to ruin it for us - which they almost certainly would have - but this wasn't our sole motivation. They'd have disapproved no matter what we did, so we figured we might as well please ourselves. If we could have our time over, we'd also have no hesitation in doing the same thing again.

Everyone else - my family, my friends, our mutual friends - was delighted for us.

Not that it's relevent to the post but Because her 33 and 31 year old children are reliant on her for everything. Until their dad kicked them out last year, they were living at home having everything done for them. She has openly said that even though she wants to downsize she "can't "leave her children unless they're ready to leave her".

She forces their involvement in everything. Partner can't even meet his siblings separately because MIL kicks off that it's unfair on the other. For his birthday he arranged to go to a sports bar with his brother and then for cocktails with his sister because she's not into sports. He had to cancel everything and arrange a meal with them both so they were all there at the same time and everyone was included equally.

Same with the wedding. Regardless of people's views on how we did our wedding. The fact is NO siblings were invited. I have 3 siblings and he has 2. But in MILs words "It doesn't matter that OPs siblings aren't invited because they're not the same as your siblings. Your siblings need to be equal or it's not fair"

Guest lists.

We paid for our wedding ourselves (except my dress, which my parents paid for after tha fact. It only cost £300).

We had a reasonable size venue, and early on we asked all of our parents (my DM & DF, MIL, FIL & SMIL) if there was anyone from wider family/ family friends/ their generation that they thought would like an invite.

My parents said they were happy for the list to just be hours (but we're pleased when we invited a distant cousin of my mum who was also a close family friend and family friends they knew from church when we were little). My MIL suggested two couples and a close friend of hers. My FIL suggested his MIL and another couple. Great.

Invites went out. Months pass and MIL is appealed that we invited FIL suggested couple, but not equivalent couple of her friends (who we do not know) and insists we add them to the guest list 5 weeks before the wedding. We didn't mind adding, but it was such a weird demand - especially as we'd asked months before AND she had asked to invite more people than anyone else. To top it off, the couple she insisted we invite didn't even get us a card.

It's fairly low grade in the CFery. But DH and I did roll out eyes. It did seem a bit like she wanted to match/ beat FIL.

@Blondey2023

She took photos of everyone except you…
And you were the bride????😱

My MIL phoned as l was getting ready for our wedding to ask me if me and DH would go to hospital between the service and the reception to visit her ‘friend’, saying that this friend would love to see me in my dress. I’ve never liked being the centre of attention, was stressed about the day anyway so the thought of going round a hospital in full bridal outfit tipped me over into tears. However, everyone seemed to think it was nice thing to do so we agreed. Long story short, the woman wasn’t a friend at, just an old neighbour who DH’s parents had lived next to thirty years earlier (my husband didn’t remember her) and when we got to the ward, she didn’t know who we were and obviously couldn’t have cared less!

PiL were long divorced and MiL had brought up DH on her own since he was 13. She also said that if FiL was invited, she wouldn't go to our wedding. DH has a severely mentally handicapped brother so the compromise was that MiL could come, FiL would not be invited but BiL would not be coming either, basically so MiL could enjoy the day without having to look after him. MiL asked if she could bring a friend, so we agreed.

Friend was a bossy neighbour who seemed to think that she was taking the place of FiL (she most definitely wasn't). DH had only met her once before. She elbowed her way onto every photo including DH's family ones. MiL was oblivious to all this. A few years later, we had all relocated to the SW and "friend" came to stay with MiL. She insisted that our DDs called her "Aunty X" which we refused as it's not the 1960s any more. She & MiL are long gone - it annoyed me at the time, but we laugh at it now.

Worse was my own sister, who is a narcissist. She turned up on the day of the wedding having had 2 large blond stripes bleached into her bottle-red hair. My poor mother was distraught. Sister just sneered and said that as nobody had said she couldn't, she felt like a change. She couldn't bear someone else being the centre of attention. Now LC

You are obviously allowed to invite/not invite whomever you like to your wedding, but you are a bit unreasonable to describe her as 'weirdly emeshed (enmeshed?)' with her children for expecting them to be invited to their siblings wedding, which is the norm in most families and a very . Her being unhappy they, and her own father, weren't there when partners of friends were (there's no reason anyone else you could have invited had to stay in the same b&b as you) is a fairly normal reaction, not a sign of 'being unable to cope.'

Also if there were only 11 of you there and you had a cake with multiple tiers, why the need for tiny finger slices? Yes it was rude of her to just jump in there, but she didn't 'ruin' the top tier or render it 'unuseable', it's a cake ffs, its 'use' is to be eaten! You'd already cut tiny slices for everyone there, so what if some of the leftovers, which presumably only you/dh/dd would get around to eating at some point, were slightly messy?

My SIL husband brothers wife announced she was pregnant to everyone right outside of the church to everyone……… Plot twist she was not pregnant said the test must of been wrong 😑

Yeah, I guess there's small, there's eloping and then there's (my aunt but not your brother). Still each to their own. But I don't blame MIL for trying to ( apparently clumsily) grab a bit of cake for her other children and her dad. She was probably in bits. My adult children are close though so maybe that's the difference. If one of them upped and eloped everyone would be thrilled. And there would be a big party for them when they returned. If they had a teensy ceremony at the registrar office all good too. Again a big party afterwards.
But asking an aunt and uncle but not a sibling would not fly in my family. I accept that every family is different but that would be verging on unforgiveable in mine. It would be like not asking your mum.

As if the head waiter would presume to tell a wedding party when they could make a speech 🙄. Unless you had your reception in Weatherspoons.

I would be really hurt if my sibling or my son didn't invite me to their wedding, no matter how small a do you wanted.