To ask you to share CF in law stories from your weddings?

[Sconesandgravy]

Please share your CF in law stories from your weddings. I need to know it's not just me that has one.

I got married on Saturday. We had a micro wedding for multiple reasons. Our daughter, our closest friend each and their partner, and our parents or in my case parental. No siblings or other family.

My Mother in Law is weirdly emeshed with DH's two older siblings and can't cope if they aren't included in everything.

As we were cutting the cake, and having our moment, She shouts out "Make sure you save a piece for BIL, SIL and grandad!" After we'd served everyone she hacked off a huge messy chunk for them, rather than take the finger slices we'd been cutting rendering the rest of the top tier unusable.

It sounds childish but out of all the "petty" moments of the day this one stuck out the most. I think it's because she "stole" my moment.

I'm sure I'll laugh about it in years to come, but it's been four days and amongst the nastier things she did I am beyond angry. So I'm using MN as a form of catharsis, in the hopes that other people have nightmare in laws 😁

@ExpatInSlavikLand i know! Shocking isn't it?! I've only recently forgiven him.

This is an improvement on most best man speeches I’ve heard 😂

For half the week I would have no problem but I have always wanted to be a fully involved grandparent.
I also don’t want my children to have the full cost of daycare that I had as I had 4 in daycare at one point
I want my children and partners to not have that burden and to be able to save money or just simply not have massive expenses each month.

I would also be taking my grandchildren to activities and meeting other people and socialising. Lots of educational activities and opportunities as unfortunately that’s who I am.

I don’t see why having a grandparent helping their children and having time with grandchildren is such a massive problem for people.

seem from this site grandparents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
I grew up with grandparents a huge part of my childhood.
unfortunately my children haven’t had that due to me losing parents when I 16 and 18.
I want to continue the legacy I had with my grandchildren.

@DelilahJane that is awful. What a self-obsessed, narcissistic old bag. "Her day", indeed!!

@Biscuitmonster2318 it's lovely you want to be involved but you're still not getting it. It's your dc and their partner's decision about how they want their dc raised. You do sound a bit overbearing although your motives are good. As pp said there's a whole lot of "I " in your post and it's really not about you.

We’re out of sight, out of mind as far as PIL are concerned. (We’re a few hundred miles from them.)

The children that live closer (around 30 miles from PIL in different directions) started having babies and PIL insisted they couldn’t possibly go to nursery and they would do all of the childcare. Not too tricky for the first. They would drive to their son’s house and look after the child there.

Then another son had a child and of course, the same had to apply. PIL would drive 30 miles east to pick up grandchild 1, then 50ish miles west to child 2 and then do the reverse at the end of the day. The first son had a second child 18 months after the first. Then the third son had a child. Then the second child of son 2 was born. By this point there were 5 under 3 and they were driving 240 miles a day with pick ups and drop offs. Some of the kids were in cars for hours every day. It was horrendous and absolutely not what was best for the kids. MIL was also caring for her dad (who had severe kidney failure) and is almost crippled with arthritis herself. It was utter madness and I lost all respect for my BILs and SILs letting it go on so long. It stopped when son 1 had another child and they ran out of room in the car.

How were they supposed to stop her? Maybe have a checkpoint outside the venue, anyone not meeting dress standards was turned away? I agree that many posts are of spineless people but in the instance I don't see what they could have done, unless she was one of those ghastly brides who insisted on inspecting the outfits adults had chosen to wear for 'her' wedding!

A very dated but similar thing, my brother at a cousin's wedding in the 1960s had a radio in his pocket with an earpiece, listening to the Cup Final, as the solemn vows were being exchanged he let out a huge cheer, someone had scored! Even now, in out 70s he gets reminded.

Not my story but a friend's . She was widowed very young with a 2year old son, when he was about 10 she remarried a mman also widowed with a similar aged son, the boys were proactive in getting them together! It was a very happy family, both boys went to University eventually and established their careers. When they were about 32 her son came one evening and announced he was engaged to his lovely girlfriend, cue lots of hugs and champagne. However later the same evening the step-son came with his girlfriend and a similar announcement, girlfriend's face like a slapped derriere when she realised the situation but more hugs and champagne. The couples were told that there would be a substantial cheque each to help them out. Second girlfriend said they had chosen their wedding date, it was all planned and the other couple would have to leave their wedding until at least 6 months later!
Later the other couple said they intended to have a very small wedding, no date planned. Over the next few weeks No 2 girlfriend was constantly on the phone about the wedding and the spiralling costs came up, eventually she said that as the other couple were having a very small wedding it wasn't fair that they both got the same amount from his parents!

@Gogodonu is right, @StopStartStop - there is absolutely nothing wrong or weird about a mother wanting a picture of her adult children together, or to treasure that photo of the children she presumably loves. Two siblings, of different sexes, can be close, and their mother can love them, without anyone having any incestuous intentions or thoughts, and I can’t understand why you’d think there was!

She was right there in the shop when her MIL bought it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you for speaking up. I know I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was, that it was deemed my fault that my MIL wore a wedding dress to our wedding.
The truth is/was we were so laid back about it all that as long as we enjoyed our day, that’s all that mattered.
What MIL did was 100% on here & everyone reacted like that. It’s 20years on & still it’s spoken about with people rolling their eyes or laughing but all at her.
I posted as the whole thread was about CFer things that in laws did at ur wedding. No where is it ‘ways ur in laws ruined ur wedding’.

I was just about to write something similar. Half the guests would have gone home hungry that day and that wedding would have never been forgotten about for all the wrong reasons. Sounds like a last-ditch attempt by the in laws to try to avoid humiliation and embarrassment in front of their relatives.

I'm guessing as it was a small wedding, the leftover cake was to be cut up & sent to those who didn't attend. Also, the top tier was traditionally kept pristine & used at the first baby's christening! Maybe OP just wanted the top tier for a later party, or to eat at home with her DH, as part of a romantic meal & a memory of their wedding day. MIL was well out of order in messing with the cake.

Again, it's all about your wants! What if your children and partners/spouses don't want you do to childcare for them, lovely offer though it is? Will you respect that?

@Biscuitmonster2318 - it sounds as if you will tell your children that they aren’t allowed to have their children in full time childcare, even if that is what they want, and what works best for them - and that does sound very much like you being dictatorial and overstepping the boundaries.

Same here!! Maybe op WTA

We had quite a few of slices left of cake plus the top tier left over. All the ILS (10 of them) descended on our house the morning after the wedding (why for fucks sake, who turns up at the newly weds house the next morning??) I had to quickly wash the tea set we’d been given to make them tea to go with slices of cake. I thought they were occupied with examining the wedding presents when SIL went in the kitchen and divided the top tier into 4 and announced she was giving 1/4 each to MIL and the two aunts leaving us 1/4 to keep (I did ask SIL not to cut it up but no one tells SIL what to do!)

After MIL got home with her 1/4 she rang up and ordered DH to throw away any cake (as she had just ordered the aunts to) we had left over as “she thought the marzipan layer was bubbling a tiny bit”. DH of course obliged.

MIL had found out that my DM had made the cake then paid for it to be professionally iced, as a wedding gift. At the next IL family party MIL made a big deal about making 2 humongous cakes as centre pieces for the buffet table.

I was told that MIL organises all her GDCs birthday parties as she so good at it. Good thing we live 150 miles away then isn’t it!

I’ve never told my DM that MIL basically did her best to rubbish the cake she made. I’ve told her lots of other batshit things MIL has done though to give her a laugh.

I have vented on MN about the ILs and the cake before and told to let it go but it still rankles!

I would also be taking my grandchildren to activities and meeting other people and socialising. Lots of educational activities and opportunities as unfortunately that’s who I am
Unfortunately? So superior and smug.

This reminds me of a good friend’s MIL. She ended up persuading her DH to emigrate - they are now in Australia and Smother-Mother(IL) has seen the children during two short holidays in the last 10 years (in the company of their parents ONLY).

They got tired of being told what they were going to do with their own children by Granny-Knows-Best.

My MIL turned to my DH at the wedding breakfast and asked if he still had the kilt he wore to marry his first wife

i have a great relationship with my in-laws, my MIL is just quite odd

Congratulations on your wedding!
You're absolutely entitled to have your wedding as you want and not have to justify why you are not inviting more people.
Your MIL sounds like a nightmare and to be honest, sounds a lot like my mum. The best advice I could give is to take a deep breath, it's not worth it, she's not going to change!
It was your and your DH's day, not her day, and although she was annoying you didn't bend to her pressure in inviting more people!

My mother is the vainest women I know. We aren't close now. Many years ago I agreed to go shopping with her for an outfit for my brothers wedding. She tried on and really liked a cream suit.

I said " well it's nice but it's a bit white for a wedding isn't it"
She replied with a horrible smirk " oh bride won't care, she knows I will out shine her regardless what I wear".

She bought the cream suit and relished the funny looks on thher day

You sound like an absolute nightmare MIL in the making. Seriously, read back through your posts - it’s all about YOU and what YOU want.

My SIL wore flip flops to my wedding 🤯. She even had a reading to do in the church! So off she trotted up to the front IN HER FLIP FLOPS. I was so shocked. Then she wore the same flip flops to her own brother's wedding a few months later. (With white canvas trousers etc, really not dressed up at all). At that point I realised: it's her, not me (is the problem). By the time she wore flip flops to my kids baptism I barely batted an eyelid.... still... we (me and my lot amongst us) are still talking about it to this day