Safeguarding inheritance

[Stratusinium]

Posting for traffic - TLDR; relates to inheritance and a parent living with a partner (not married) and wanting to ensure kids inherit.

So, as brief as poss! My DF lives in the house he and my DM bought in the 90s. DM died in the 90s and DF has been with current partner for just under 8 years. She moved from her XH’s to my DF’s home and has lived there since.

DF has purposely not married and has initiated conversation with me about inheritance, saying he has spoken to solicitor and has had will (re-)written to ensure his estate goes to DSis and I rather than his partner.

Partner is quite controlling and we anticipate that if she were to survive him, she will try to claim any inheritance/estate for herself. She has tried to encourage him to sell up house and re-buy with her and for e.g. has also spent money on decoration and refurbishment of the house (fairly superficial - not loft conversions or anything). She is very aware of this and has actually mentioned that she has invested in house - am sure she is aware of the implications in terms of potentially claiming a share of equity.

DF is currently in good health and sharp as ever, however another concern is if he were to become frail in any way she might try and do something like claim power of attorney or engineer that they get married.

For those that know about that sort of thing, what does he (and we) need to be aware of in terms of safeguarding him and what he wishes to pass on to us?

Should also add, I don’t automatically feel I’m entitled to anything - it’s his life and money and he can do what he wishes with it. However he has expressed his wishes to me and she is a very controlling person (hence he has no intention of them getting married and has sought legal advice). (Sadly he has also described her as abusive, however it does not seem he has plans to leave or end the relationship.) Hopefully it’s a long way off, but it worries me already that should this situation come to pass it will be upsetting and there will be an unpleasant battle with her to see his wishes respected.

Any advice appreciated.

It’s all a bit mean really, isn’t it? Plotting how to stop the woman he loves from getting her (morally) rightful inheritance.

Earn your own money (like you expect her to).

Excuse me?

What a disgusting thing to say! The OP has made it clear that her DF is in an abusive relationship, and that she realises that she has no entitlement to her father's money etc., after his death, but equally wants to ensure that HIS wishes ARE carried out, and not manipulated by this woman, who it sounds like he may actually be scared of.

OP if your DF is still fit and well and can drive, could you make an appointment to meet him at a solicitor who specialises in Wills and Powers of Attorney, and go through the whole thing with the solicitor together? It will be more expensive to do a POA like this rather than online, but at least you would have the peace of mind of knowing it's been done properly, and bearing in mind that both a Will and POA has to be witnessed, it might be easier to get it all organised on one trip away from the house, rather than trying to organise it at his home when she might come in unexpectedly. I notice you say that she has done her best to isolate your DF from his family, but presumably he can still get away from her when she is working, if he wants to?

I'm afraid I don't have any experience of Trusts, but from what a PP said, it sounds like it may well be worth discussing this possibility with the solicitor when/if you meet them.

I do hope that you are able to put suitable protection in place to ensure that your DF's wishes are totally adhered to, as and when the time comes, but in the meantime, at the very least get those POA's done as soon as you possibly can.

Not UK experience, but friend went through similar situation as to what your DF finds himself in.

1. Queried why he was telephoning family when she was at work (she would see this from the telephone bills).
2. Outgoings were paid from her bank account and she kept all receipts (found out at court, had no idea beforehand).
3. His superannuation lump sum was paid into a separate account and separate to his annual leave lump sum and holiday pay. It was spent towards a property along with a mortgage against the friend's own property. When it got to Court there was no record of his super lump sum and nothing on his last payslip she brought to court.
4. His family were not able to access his bank account statements nor the last Will he told us and his family he had made.
5. New partner was wearing first wife's clothing and jewellery.
6. New partner also wanted to sell up friend's property and move back to her home town. When family visited unexpectedly, they found paperwork on the dining table to suggest builders had already been consulted for a new build in her town and the couple had gone to speak to the Builders. His family knew nothing of these plans, when asked the friend replied he was only going through the motions to keep her quiet... he owed money on this property to someone else, and the new partner said she when confronted about the paperowrk, she didn't know how they were going to repay the debt back although quite a sum would have been realised from the sale of the property. In court her side claimed there was no proof this money was owed at all...
7. The day he died, she transferred all money from his account and their joint account into hers (this came out in court) and the court approved this.
8. Because there was ''no'' record of his super lump sum, the court decided she contributed greatly to the relationship finance wise. No discussion about his lawn mowing business or his agricultural side hussle.
9. Not long after she moved in with another man.
10. the new relationship owned several homes. He was quick enough to transfer one to his daughter several months before his death although I was told the partner attempted to challenge the transfer as relationship property but lost. I believe he signed over to this woman the dwelling they lived in, which was the former family home of the gent and his first wife. He has since died, and she has moved back to her home town, renting out that dwelling.

So my advice is have your Dad's bank statements sent to your place. Go to a joint meeting with his solicitor and him and make sure the hard questions are asked and answered. Some times parents hear only what they want to hear.

Will Dad agree to his property title being put in joint names with you and your sister, so there are the 3 of you on there?

I will just add when I met the new partner not long after they started the relationship, she had absolutely no money and jointly owned 1 house with her ex. For the life of me I couldn't understand why the Court would not delve into her financial affairs more thoroughly as to where money was coming from to be able to pay the accounts that were paid. The whole thing was incredibly disappointing and at the end of the day, his only daughter was not able to get her mother's personal belongings or day to day stuff they used together. Just disgraceful.

Are you sure he already has a valid will? He should also make a video tape of him reading it with the days' newspaper headline commented on by him.

So not sure where the years of unpaid care has come from. She has her own job/business and money and can choose to organise her own finances however she wishes. They don’t have kids together and she has not sacrificed any of her earning potential for the relationship or household.

I take it he's retired and not working is on some pension. She cooks and cleans up after him, right.

So which is it? She's a gold digging snake or financially solvent with her own money/ business? It can't be both can it.

You don't seem to care for answers you don't want to hear. I don't think she's the one he needs to be worrying about grabbing any assets he may have.

Sorry you're getting so many weirdly unsympathetic responses, OP.
And well done for trying to deal with this situation now, before it's too late (yes - set up power of attorney now while he still has capacity!) and look out for your sister's future interests.

@emptythelitterbox You seem quite naive. Of course somebody can be both financially solvent and on the make, especially if they're calculated and controlling. We have no idea who does the cooking/ cleaning in this relationship, but you automatically assume it's all being done by the partner? (in between running her business and going on 'lavish holidays')

I've also come across people (mostly women) who seem to make their career out of marrying older men, (sometimes ill) and ensuring their estates are kept away from their families on their death.

A friend's male relative had a woman he almost married... He was mid 60s (heart issues but still independent), she was mid 50s (and didn't work), he was with her for about 4 years..(until he saw the light...

He was no 3 marriage / r/s within 10 years for her🙄... She'd inherited 2 large houses from first death, (court battle to exclude his children) - reading between the lines... She convinced court she was a poor dependant... The reality she owned houses/property in her home country abd deffo had money squirreled away in UK... #2 prospect (well off with several houses) appeared to give her a large house in York to be shot of her... He was only with her 3/4 years (suspect knowing that she'd taken previous family to court may have featured in his reasoning...)...

And pal's relative was an early retireee from city on grounds of ill health.. With loads in cash and property....

We met her a few times- she was so clearly on the make... She took zero interest in him/his friends /wider family... Completely 'switched off', although would always be very animated when money was being spent (on her!)

He saw the light when he discovered she was still having an online dating account lining up the next prospects... 🙄...

A narrow escape...

PS OP please consult an estate planning lawyer with your dad and get:

1 attorneys hip set up for health and finances - two separate documents.

1. Ensure his will is watertight...

I have come across lawyer advice in similar circs and they included a paragraph in will where live in gf was left a nominal sum... Seem to recall the paragraph said sth like... "My live in gf who has been in my life since 2017(ie since i was 68), i leave £5k cash, the remainder /majority of my estate i leave to my (adult) children, Kate & Tom(and any of their dependants). My live in gf should be allowed 9 months to vacate my home (from my death) at 2 Jones St, to enable my children to have this asap....

So its less 'challengeable' as the GF cannot say she hasn't been considered...

LPA isn’t for those who are mentally incapacitated! In fact if someone wasn’t of sound mind you’d be very unlikely to get LPA. The whole point of LPA is you put it into place when the individual can agree to it. For example my brother and I have recently become LPA to my parents in their late 50s because in however many years down the line they want me and my brother to make the decisions for them.

We have power of attorney for my Mum and it is stored, along with her will at the local solicitors.
I suppose the bigger question is, does your Dad still want her living with him, and if not, does he need help to move her on?

PoA will help, and a legitimate up to date will is crucial, but neither are failsafe as they can be revoked/remade. If she's really so controlling/abusive your father should free himself now. He'll just have to cook and clean for himself, or pay someone to do that for him. He does rather seem to want his cake and eat it.

Irrespective of the will, has he talked to her, or made provision for where she will live if he dies. There is more to address here, and he needs to action it. He needs to address this. Imagine it from her position, (irrespective of its she's controlling or not). If I found out that I was unprovided for and only had six months to stay in a house before I had to move out, I would be beyond livid.

It will be more expensive to do a POA like this rather than online, but at least you would have the peace of mind of knowing it's been done properly

No one needs to use a solicitor for LPA - it's straightforward if you follow Gov.uk link.

Regardless of what the will says, there's a chance that DF's partner could make a claim - I've forgotten the name of the Act - as a dependent because his house is her home.

Imagine the AIBU "My partner has sadly died and I'm losing the home we've lived in for 10 years because he's left it to his daughters"

Does she have kids? You don't want your dads house passing to her, then her staying in it forever, then her passing to her kids and you and your sister getting nothing!

I'm sure my in laws had it set up so that DH and his brother already own half of their house (I might have this wrong)

Why is he with her if he does not want to make any provisions for her.
I assume they like and care for each other.
He can't just be expecting her to care and look after him and then leave her nothing.
Then your DF is using her.

Why not suggest to your father that he leaves her a reasonable amount to cover her contribution to the house and to ensure she doesn't suffer the huge shock and pain of bring left out of the will. That way she has much less grounds to appeal and much less emotional incentive to do so.

It is not controlling for her to think about her financial security, I’d also be wanting to buy together if I were getting older and didn’t have a home of my own. Does your father actually want his partner on the streets if he dies? Why is he even with her if he cares for her so little? Splitting up seems like the obvious solution.

My husbands mother died in the 90s too and he has now been with a woman for quite a long time. Neither my husband or his two brothers wish to see her kicked out into the streets if their father dies. They are grateful to the woman who brought their father happiness and companionship in his later years.

My DM lived with a new partner for ten years in her house after my dad died young. They never married. She was then killed in a car accident (that was his fault ironically!). Her will left everything to me and DB. She'd only changed it several months before.

He too had invested significantly in a new extension to her house, so when it was sold the increased value of the property was calculated and he was entitled to half of that back. The rest was ours. I did understand that as it was a significant time they lived together he could have claimed more but I think felt so guilty that he didn't.

He does get her pension though.

Just adding to the chorus of people saying get the POAs sorted. All adults should have one, regardless of age/marital status etc. Anything could happen and having POA in place would make life SO much easier for family/friends. I sorted mine out in my 30s.

He already cooks and cleans for himself! (And did already when my DM was alive - they never had a ‘housewife’ style arrangement – despite the fact my dad worked full time and my DM didn’t work at all, he did the majority of the cooking and housework.) Some horrible assumptions here - is this just based on lazy sexist stereotypes??

Totally agree about getting the POA's in place. We did my DM's several years ago and fortunatelyhaven't had to use them and she's 83. We actually did our wills and POA at the same time naming our DS23 so everything is in place and he doesn't have to worry about this in the future.