Page 2 | To tell manager at 8 weeks pregnant?

dailytalk · 2023-04-25T17:23:27+00:00

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and not even told my family. The father isn't supporting/talking to me. I'm an anxious person and think that at 39 than I maybe too old to have a safe and healthy baby etc. So I'm trying not to get too attached. It's also not a good situation with the guy I was briefly dating. Should I tell my manager? I have a 121 with him tomorrow.

PurBal · 25/04/2023 18:49

Depends on manager, I was sick and tired in first trimester and felt I had to. First pregnancy (also had early bleeding), supportive manager. Second pregnancy, I’ve been screwed over in every way possible. I was showing (to the point of being asked when I was due) at 8 weeks in my second pregnancy.

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 18:50

@Sissynova my 121s have all been good, so if I tell them I'm pregnant and they say performance isn't good enough, and don't give me the option to improve, it's very much discrimination....

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RosaBonheur · 25/04/2023 18:52

I told my boss at around 8 weeks both times.

First time because I happened to be 8 weeks pregnant when he asked me how my health issues were. (I had been having treatment for recurrent miscarriages, which he knew about.)

Second time because I knew he would appreciate the heads up for resource planning.

It's completely up to you whether you tell them or not. If you do tell, it will be helpful in terms of being able to go to appointments, or if you feel sick.

In terms of your job security, it could go either way. If you tell while you're still on probation and you think there's a question mark over whether you pass your probation or not, they may not want to get rid of you in case you claim that it is unfair dismissal because you are pregnant. On the other hand, if you tell while you're still on probation and you're on course to pass your probation but they don't want someone who's going off on maternity leave, they may take the chance that you won't pursue legal action against them and just get rid of you.

If it's your first baby you can probably hide the fact that you're pregnant until your employment is confirmed. I didn't really start showing with my first until I was over 20 weeks.

Tryingtohelp12 · 25/04/2023 18:55

Good luck! We are in very similar situations… although I’m married and this is my 3rd. I’m 7 weeks and still in a probationary period in my new job. I haven’t told them yet (no need, no sickness and mostly wfh) but I know they will be fine when I do. They are very family friendly- they’ve even recently designed branded/logo onesies to go in gift boxes which are sent to new parents! 😂

do what you feel is right and just consider their approach to other colleagues re childcare/babies etc. good luck!

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 18:55

RosaBonheur · 25/04/2023 18:52

I told my boss at around 8 weeks both times.

First time because I happened to be 8 weeks pregnant when he asked me how my health issues were. (I had been having treatment for recurrent miscarriages, which he knew about.)

Second time because I knew he would appreciate the heads up for resource planning.

It's completely up to you whether you tell them or not. If you do tell, it will be helpful in terms of being able to go to appointments, or if you feel sick.

In terms of your job security, it could go either way. If you tell while you're still on probation and you think there's a question mark over whether you pass your probation or not, they may not want to get rid of you in case you claim that it is unfair dismissal because you are pregnant. On the other hand, if you tell while you're still on probation and you're on course to pass your probation but they don't want someone who's going off on maternity leave, they may take the chance that you won't pursue legal action against them and just get rid of you.

If it's your first baby you can probably hide the fact that you're pregnant until your employment is confirmed. I didn't really start showing with my first until I was over 20 weeks.

I work for a company that has over 300 staff so I'm not too sure as they are really hot about diversity and inclusion.... so I'm not sure.

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Throwncrumbs · 25/04/2023 18:57

Why have you got a 121? Sounds like you are not bothered about the job anyway

Littlegoth · 25/04/2023 18:57

HR here. I would. I’ve always told my employer as soon as I found out - and I’m glad I did because I turned out to have a blood clotting condition that causes recurrent miscarriage. You’ve got certain legal protections that kick in as soon as you inform your employer, as well as entitlement to paid time off for maternity appointments. Why wouldn’t you tell them?

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 18:59

Throwncrumbs · 25/04/2023 18:57

Why have you got a 121? Sounds like you are not bothered about the job anyway

Most jobs I've done I've had 121s every 4-6 weeks, this company is no different.

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Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 18:59

Littlegoth · 25/04/2023 18:57

HR here. I would. I’ve always told my employer as soon as I found out - and I’m glad I did because I turned out to have a blood clotting condition that causes recurrent miscarriage. You’ve got certain legal protections that kick in as soon as you inform your employer, as well as entitlement to paid time off for maternity appointments. Why wouldn’t you tell them?

They may try and get rid of me? Not like having to backfill my position for a period of time (or resources refused).

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weightymatters73 · 25/04/2023 18:59

Having worked for a big company who "followed all the rules" and been subject to pregnancy discrimination;

Definitely don't tell them until probation is passed
Tell them in writing, so you can prove if you are then discriminated against you actually told them

Zhougzhoug · 25/04/2023 19:03

I had a probation review at around 15 weeks too. I waited until I passed and then two further weeks so it didn't look sus and then told them. You'll be OK. Go with the previous poster's "oh, gosh, unexpected good news!" vibe when you do tell them, but I'd wait.

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 19:05

Zhougzhoug · 25/04/2023 19:03

I had a probation review at around 15 weeks too. I waited until I passed and then two further weeks so it didn't look sus and then told them. You'll be OK. Go with the previous poster's "oh, gosh, unexpected good news!" vibe when you do tell them, but I'd wait.

Why wait two further weeks?

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SallyWD · 25/04/2023 19:05

I told mine at 16 weeks when I was starting to show. There's no rush. If you really want to tell them then of course you can.

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 19:05

Yeah I don't think I'll tell them. It's just the nausea and tiredness is a downer for me......

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Zhougzhoug · 25/04/2023 19:08

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 19:05

Why wait two further weeks?

Show quote history

No real reason! I just didn't want to have the conversation too close to the probation review. I think I waited until I was booked in at a hospital, got a big meeting out of the way, picked a day where my boss was having a nice day and not looking too stressed, etc.

Littlegoth · 25/04/2023 19:12

@dailytalk Has there been something to make you think you would be dismissed? If your 121s etc have been positive then they would struggle to prove to a tribunal that dismissal was justified and that poor feedback wasn’t based on your pregnancy announcement. Obviously not having to go to tribunal is best though.

If you start needing time off due to sickness (I certainly did! By 10 weeks I threw up every time I smelled food!) you might want to think about letting them know then - always inform your employer in writing like pp suggested. Pregnancy related illness is disregarded for disciplinaries etc. Good luck whatever you decide.

MariaRemindsMeOfAWestSideStory · 25/04/2023 19:14

I told my manager at 6 weeks (although he already guessed). With my first pregnancy I had terrible sickness and I started early with this one. Knew I wouldn’t be able to be in the office so told him.

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 19:18

We work from home and I sometimes go to HQ. So he doesn't know what is happening with me mostly.

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ShowUs · 25/04/2023 19:43

I would wait.

You obviously have a lot going on and I don’t think you’d want to discuss it with your manager right now until you have dealt with it better.

Waiting a couple more weeks won’t affect your work but you might be in a better place mentally.

Because you an older mum you will have an increased chance of miscarriage and sometimes you don’t want to have to tell people what’s happened.

What is the reason you want to tell them?

Nowthenhere · 25/04/2023 19:56

If you read up on pregnant then screwed company, you will find a lot of information of mums who have been in your situation before with regards to employment and pregnancy.

The majority would suggest to wait until you're at least four months pregnant where you must inform your employer for maternity pay aspect.

If your health is compromised, or your baby then yes you call in as you would with regards to being unwell and discuss an action plan but it can be risky in the sense that some employers suddenly find a reason to end your contract that isn't baby related but happens to be shortly after informing them of being pregnant.

Mum's have been pregnant in their late 30s and early 40s for generations. It is highly likely to be just as healthy as any other pregnancy.

Absc · 25/04/2023 20:50

Depends on the job I told my manager from four weeks as I have a job that might place me at risk and adjustments were needed from the start.

Original poster

dailytalk · 25/04/2023 21:02

Nowthenhere · 25/04/2023 19:56

If you read up on pregnant then screwed company, you will find a lot of information of mums who have been in your situation before with regards to employment and pregnancy.

The majority would suggest to wait until you're at least four months pregnant where you must inform your employer for maternity pay aspect.

If your health is compromised, or your baby then yes you call in as you would with regards to being unwell and discuss an action plan but it can be risky in the sense that some employers suddenly find a reason to end your contract that isn't baby related but happens to be shortly after informing them of being pregnant.

Mum's have been pregnant in their late 30s and early 40s for generations. It is highly likely to be just as healthy as any other pregnancy.

I'm tired and feeling sick most of the day.

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Cheapcookies · 25/04/2023 21:05

I'm self employed now but when I was employed, I told my manager at 6 weeks. You're protected at work once you tell them. If you need any adjustments, they can also do this.

Yummymummy2020 · 25/04/2023 21:10

I told early on my last pregnancy and I was ever so glad as we suffered a loss and it made it so much easier to have the time off. Also my manager was very kind on my return. Had it been a big secret it would have been traumatic having to tell and arrange time off, I wouldn’t have wanted to say it was a cold or flu ect. Pregnant again and told early for this reason. Hopefully all will be well but if not I’ll be looked after. Also have extra visits and I want to be paid for them😂 it’s a personal choice really but for me I wanted support if I had problems and also I do work in a risky place so needed some adjustments made!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 25/04/2023 22:08

It kinda sounds like you want us to tell you when the best point is to tell them so that you can prevent them sacking you for not passing your probation by having a pregnancy trump card, and then getting the benefit of maternity pay from them.

Which doesn’t really feel like what maternity rights are for…