Page 5 | To say thank you after dinner party specifically thrown for me?

Ginnyfromtheblock · 2023-04-25T12:21:00+00:00

If someone throws a dinner party in your honour eg. You're newly married and they want to have you over with your in laws, or it's your birthday and they'd like to throw you a little party.. once that is over, would you phone the host to say thank you? or send a thank you card afterwards? Or would you say thank you on the night and not contact them again? YANBU - it's enough drawing thanks on the night and getting in touch with the host after that night YABU - you should phone after the event to reinforce your thanks or send a thank you card

Thelastofbus · 25/04/2023 17:28

‘Throwing a dinner party in their honour’ makes it all sound rather grand. Is that how your in laws perceive it? Or do they think they’ve just been invited over for dinner? Either way, thanks is still in order. But a simple verbal thank you on the evening, and a bottle of wine is sufficient for a dinner. But maybe they don’t think of it a big event that warrants cards/flowers/hampers of thanks!

Original poster

Ginnyfromtheblock · 25/04/2023 17:52

Thelastofbus · 25/04/2023 17:28

‘Throwing a dinner party in their honour’ makes it all sound rather grand. Is that how your in laws perceive it? Or do they think they’ve just been invited over for dinner? Either way, thanks is still in order. But a simple verbal thank you on the evening, and a bottle of wine is sufficient for a dinner. But maybe they don’t think of it a big event that warrants cards/flowers/hampers of thanks!

That's not how the ILs perceive it, but I couldn't think of a better way to say the dinner was for them or it was specifically to invite them.

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Original poster

Ginnyfromtheblock · 25/04/2023 17:54

I don't think DH is a twat. But he doesn't feel comfortable telling his family to say thanks etc. and often we just lie to my parents and say thanks on behalf of them the day after. Or I might say my MIL is so ill or so busy but she really appreciated it etc. I know it's not right but I know how much effort and thought my folks put into making them feel welcome etc

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ArcticSkewer · 25/04/2023 17:58

Ginnyfromtheblock · 25/04/2023 17:54

I don't think DH is a twat. But he doesn't feel comfortable telling his family to say thanks etc. and often we just lie to my parents and say thanks on behalf of them the day after. Or I might say my MIL is so ill or so busy but she really appreciated it etc. I know it's not right but I know how much effort and thought my folks put into making them feel welcome etc

Do his parents actually particularly want to go to your parents?

Highdaysandholidays1 · 25/04/2023 18:01

All dinners would get a nice plant/chocs/gift on the night itself, thanks on that night then a text the following day. No cards now. It all sounds fraught and stressful and not in the spirit of being hospitable once you start expecting formal thank you cards.

Original poster

Ginnyfromtheblock · 25/04/2023 18:11

ArcticSkewer · 25/04/2023 17:58

Do his parents actually particularly want to go to your parents?

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I doubt it.

I've tried telling my parents to stop too.. my mil won't live in her own home because it reminds her of her dead husband too much and so she's staying at her cousin's under the guise of looking after him - but it means she's cramped in a one bed flat with a paralysed man. My parents think it would be nice for her to get out a bit. They've even offered her she come stay at theirs a little bit to get a break...

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ArcticSkewer · 25/04/2023 19:03

If she doesn't want to go, then the least your dh can do is buy the present your parents expect, on her behalf, as penance for making everyone take part in this charade.

It all sounds a bit painful.

Alternatively maybe just don't pass on the invite and instead pass on 'her' apologies?

MichelleScarn · 25/04/2023 19:43

How often are they having these dinners in MILs 'honour' are they proper dinner parties or just joining them for their evening meal?
Do they expect a gift every time?

Christmascracker0 · 25/04/2023 19:45

I’d take something with me on the night - but I always do as can’t go anywhere empty handed 😂 Then send a card after.

LaDamaDeElche · 25/04/2023 22:27

Sorry if I've missed this, but what country do your parents come from? Throwing a dinner party in their honour made me think of a very grand affair, with guests, all the stops pulled out etc. If it's just inviting over for dinner, I think that's quite different. Everybody should say thank you if someone's cooked for them, and bring a bottle, but if it's a regularish dinner invitation, I don't think anything is necessary afterwards. Saying thanks for a lovely evening when you leave is enough, or even just completing the food and saying that was lovely as you leave. If it's a banquet and six courses with guests, then that's a bit different.

WandaWonder · 25/04/2023 22:30

Thanks on the night, the next time I naturally spoke to then a 'it was a great night' might come up

Highdaysandholidays1 · 25/04/2023 23:10

Do his mum and sister not say thank you on the night?

I think your parents need to get the hint that this is the way things are- if they are happy keeping on doing these events, fine, but nothing is going to change.

I bet his mum and sister are not that fussed about them, they certainly don't seem to be buying a small box of choccies or a £5 bunch of flowers.

I would try to get your parents to damp their enthusiasm down, his parents are what they are and I don't think having words/bringing it up would be appropriate, they may just decide not to come.

CatsTheWayToDoIt · 25/04/2023 23:21

A lovely thing to host. Very kind. As for a thank you - well for me, I don’t like receiving thank you cards. Do people display them? What do they do with them? I assume they generally just read and throw in bin. Such a waste! I’d much rather have a genuine smile and a thank you at the time.