To say thank you after dinner party specifically thrown for me?

[Ginnyfromtheblock]

If someone throws a dinner party in your honour eg. You're newly married and they want to have you over with your in laws, or it's your birthday and they'd like to throw you a little party.. once that is over, would you phone the host to say thank you? or send a thank you card afterwards? Or would you say thank you on the night and not contact them again?

YANBU - it's enough drawing thanks on the night and getting in touch with the host after that night
YABU - you should phone after the event to reinforce your thanks or send a thank you card

I host frequently, and with no strings attached.

Unless it was some kind of formal banquet with all bells and whistles I’d say thank you on the night and follow it up when I got home with a text reiterating the appreciation. That would be it.

The other day a family member took myself and another member to dinner. And paid for it all.

I said thanks so much after. And the family member said "oh well, at least you said thanks. Charlotte didn't".

Saying thank you costs nothing. It's just impolite and rude.

I’d say a sincere thank you on the night is plenty, a text the next day is nice but not essential.

It actually really annoys me when people bring hostess gifts, unless it’s wine they’re planning to drink themselves it just clogs up my house (we don’t drink wine, boxes of chocolates usually have half of them in flavours nobody really likes, flowers I then have to do something with when they arrive and chuck them when they die)
I’d MUCH rather people turn up empty handed and just say thanks as they’re leaving. If I’ve invited you to my house it’s because I want to spend time with you, not get a silly token gift that’ll get passed around 10 dinner parties before someone actually uses it. I appreciate I might be in the minority though.

I'm English and I'd definitely follow this up with a thank you, but most likely just a message to say what a good time I had and thank them for doing it. I'd only think to do a card/ flowers if it was an older relative really.

I also wouldn't particularly think someone was rude if they didn't choose to do this, as long as they said thanks on the day. Not getting a card is not something to take offence over.

There's not really a cultural 'standard' on this in England.

There is an entire gamut of civil behaviour between thanking somebody for putting themsoves out for you, & tugging your forelock in eternal, servile gratitude.

Are you this surly irl? 😂

If somebody took it upon themselves to throw a dinner party in my honour, I'd be bringing booze/chocs/flowers as a normal house 'thank you' & damn right I'd thank them after the event too. Whether that was with a card, a phone call or a message would depend on the relationship & formality levels.

That makes me polite, not someone who believes I'm not worthy.

It's enough thanking them on the night I think

And me, it’s simply good manners.

It is English culture and it’s good manners…

Slightly off topic, but just wondering why some people like my DH are so defensive. I have no problem in calling out when my family do something wrong or understanding if DH has a criticism of them. But if I have any tiny issue with his family he will defend it any way he can.

Agree with others...even my mum or sister I would follow up with a message saying thank you so much for having us we had a wonderful time etc

What's more is that DH is actually quite hung up on being polite and manners. For example, my 20 years old cousin said "shit" in front of him and he told him off. Since then I've spoken to my siblings about not swearing in front of me or DH. I know swearing is a slightly different thing when it comes to manners but the concept of him not liking something about my family and me being able to see it objectively without defending it to the death

Sadly I think you've married a rude, self-aggrandizing knobhead OP. I bet you can do better.

God, he sounds like a pompous buffoon, tbh.

So you have married a twat OP.

Very rude of him to correct your cousin.

He's a defensive uncouth twat, that comes from an ill mannered family.

He then gaslights you.

For goodness sake think long and hard before you have children with him.

Certainly do NOT rush into having a family with a twat.

Be very wary.

Start making a note of his twattyness, so you can build a picture.

Keep your finances simple and separate for as long as possible.

I think the tradition of sending physical thank you cards for relatively day-to-day things has evolved to include thank you texts/phone calls. All are fine. I send texts. Personally, I think complete radio silence from guests after you have hosted them is a touch rude, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Going empty handed isn't rude as such, but is isn't good manners (I can't really articulate what the difference between rudeness and poor manners is, but I think there is one!). My usual offering is a bottle of wine that I think the host/s will enjoy, which may or may not be served by the host on the night - entirely their choice - and something extra just for them (wine, chocs, something from a deli) that I know they'll like.

He sees them as an extension of him so by criticising them you're criticising him in his mind. Some people see themselves as very separate and only responsible for themselves, while others think the behaviour of 'their people' reflects on them. Its just his personality.

Your DH and his family are rude and clearly have no manners.

This

I think either are fine really.

I did vote YABU though because the standard etiquette used to be to ring/send a thank you card afterwards in addition to saying thanks on the night. I think this is rarely done these days but as the dinner party was in your honour I think stepping up the thanks a notch is appropriate. You've thought of it so you may was well now!

send a nice card with a thankyou nd appreciation message.

I think a thank you card or letter would be nice as well as saying thank you on the night.

https://debretts.com/thank-you/

I might follow up with a WhatsApp message the next day reiterating that I had a nice time and appreciated it bur I wouldn’t do anything other than that