To say thank you after dinner party specifically thrown for me?

[Ginnyfromtheblock]

If someone throws a dinner party in your honour eg. You're newly married and they want to have you over with your in laws, or it's your birthday and they'd like to throw you a little party.. once that is over, would you phone the host to say thank you? or send a thank you card afterwards? Or would you say thank you on the night and not contact them again?

YANBU - it's enough drawing thanks on the night and getting in touch with the host after that night
YABU - you should phone after the event to reinforce your thanks or send a thank you card

I would just say thanks on the night.

Thank you notes/gifts is something I've always struggled to understand, it just seems so fake? I can't quite explain my confusion with them.
My mum always forced me to write thank you notes as a child and I just didn't understand why the words had to be written down and why just saying thank you with my voice is not enough.

I'd never expect a thank you or a gift when hosting, and we host friends every Friday for a games night, which I realise is less formal, but I provide all the food and drinks and am happy to do that else I wouldn't offer to host! I don't want to be thanked.

I was brought up to always take a hostess gift and a bottle when visiting, and to follow up with thanks after the event. Not necessarily a hand written note any more but at least a text.

If it was a friend who hosted for me, then a thank you on the night, then a follow up text the next day would be enough. If they had gone to a lot of effort then a card might be a nice gesture, but not essential (and slightly old fashioned). Some of my friends send a thank you card after coming to ours, but most don't.

If it was an older person, or someone I don't know so well, or someone who might be a bit more formal/old fashioned then I'd be more likely to send a note. Especially if it was someone I wouldn't normally text.

If they didn't say thank you once then I wouldn't be inviting them back.

I think it merits a bit more of a thank you than a thanks on the night

Turning up empty handed is just rude tbh.

Oh god if I got a thank you gift I'd worry I was meant to acknowledge it in some formal way.

My granny used to send a thank you note to my other granny each year for the calendar she sent her at Christmas. Then the note receiving granny used to send a note to say thank you for the note 🤣

If they are not reciprocating plus they don’t even bring anything along or send a sincere thank you text or card the next day I’d advise your parents to stop doing it. It sounds like a one-sided relationship and it’s possible your in-laws are not grateful because they don’t want these gestures so it’s better all round. You will start to feel resentful even if your parents don’t.

I feel your husband is just defending his family and using so called culture differences against you, because many if not most English people I know would bring a small gift and/or send a thank you text the following day. Not keen on people using culture to excuse bad or rude behaviour.

Hahah I'd also wonder where it should stop.

I'd bring a very good bottle of wine on the night, or champagne, or a good bottle of spirits that they like to drink. And I'd make clear it was a gift, not to be had in the evening. I'd probably bring something else too, but it depends on the person what it would be (as in if I knew they liked something I'd look for that).

That's for a dinner party in my honour.

If it was one the host organised to meet my family, because they wanted to meet my family, I'd still not turn up empty handed, but I'd scale back on the gifts.

I'd get in touch the day after if it was the first case. In the second, I may or may not. Depends on how well I know them. I wouldn't expect close friends to contact me, so I would be more relaxed with them.

He's claiming most English people would turn up empty handed when invited to someone's house for dinner and not offer any thanks? Nah. Sounds like it's his family's culture. Big diff.

The situation you describe of your in-laws doesn’t really match your voting options.

I think a follow up card/gift might be a bit much, especially if it’s happening all the time; but I’d consider it common politeness to turn up with a bottle and give effusive thanks on the night. I’d probably even follow up with a text of “thanks so much again for organising a lovely evening”.

Your in-laws sound rude; and perhaps as though they don’t really want the fuss made. How often does your family throw these “celebrating” events? Maybe they should take it as a hint that the in-laws don’t want that close of a relationship with them and your family should scale it back?

I would bring flowers and wine etc. on the actual night, thank them as I was leaving and then probably send a text/WhatsApp the next day to thank them again. I wouldn't send a thank you card to parents/in-laws, but might do to newer friends/acquaintances.

They sound ungrateful and rude and I would be embarrassed about it.
Tell your parents not to bother inviting them again and tell your husband their behaviour is not polite or normal so no more invites.

If I hosted a party for someone I'd be happy with a thanks on the night.

@Clymene oh no I fear I am a bit like that, can I ask why you don’t like getting cards? I get my kids to make thank you cards for all the presents they get and Easter eggs ect, would this be annoying or do you just mean random cards not as thanks?

If a friend did that for me I would send a card afterwards absolutely.

Friends hosting take a gift on night follow up with text or WH next day

My parents or family same as above, more likely to call my mother.

A dinner in my honour, flowers and gift on the night followed by WA and card.

It’s staggeringly bad manners not to follow y, and definitely not the ‘English’ way. People write thank yous here.

Miss Manners would say that sending a note and flowers would be appropriate in these circumstances.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Guide-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior/dp/0393058743

Wow, thats a negative and depressing view of it. Don't get invited to many parties?

If you give something that forces an obligation on to someone, it isn't a gift. Hosting a dinner to honour someone but they have to come with wine and flowers and send cards doesn't honour them at all, it imposes upon their money and time.

Oh, I see this is PIL's and may become a regular thing. I'd assumed it was a one-off celebratory event. WA message may be acceptable if they are WA people. Otherwise a note or card. If it's going to happen once a month then thank yous on the night will suffice.

I'm guessing you never host...

I don't agree with your husband. I am English and when someone hosted a party for me last year I sent a card afterwards. It's not obligatory but I am sure your host would be happy to receive it.

I would send a thank you text. As a host (and indeed as a general human) I do not wish to receive cards or phone calls.