To say thank you after dinner party specifically thrown for me?

[Ginnyfromtheblock]

If someone throws a dinner party in your honour eg. You're newly married and they want to have you over with your in laws, or it's your birthday and they'd like to throw you a little party.. once that is over, would you phone the host to say thank you? or send a thank you card afterwards? Or would you say thank you on the night and not contact them again?

YANBU - it's enough drawing thanks on the night and getting in touch with the host after that night
YABU - you should phone after the event to reinforce your thanks or send a thank you card

Your DH is not correct.
And he's impolite!!!

It's lovely to send a thank you, but I would absolutely not think about it for a second if I was the host and someone didn't.

I would send a text or give them a call thanking them for last night. But I would also do this for a dinner party I was invited to but wasn't specifically for me. I wouldn't send a card.

Don't think it is culture. Some people feel it is ok to say thanks during the night. Others like to follow up and say a further thanks again after.

For me neither is "wrong", the only thing that is wrong is the "host" expecting several thanks and getting their knickers in a twist if they don't.

I'd say thank you on the night then send a text the next day reiterating how appreciative I was and what a great time I had.

I must admit I wouldn't think of a card or flowers (I don't even send Christmas cards etc so just wouldn't cross my mind) and hate making phone calls, but a text, definitely.

I actually think I'd feel quite deflated if I did something like this for someone and didn't get a thanks the next day. Your DH is definitely wrong about British culture, maybe it's just his family?!

here's the thing.
No-one minds an extra thank you.
I have been occasionally delighted by a little message/card from someone to thank me for something.
My mum is especially good at sending these sort of cards.

But it is not common, and I would not expect it.
I would expect a 'proper' thank you at the time, ie not just a cheers-thanks in passing but a sincere thank you.

My question for you is are you worried about sending one? Don't be, just send it, it will be nice.
Or are you worried that they haven't sent one to you? In which case I think you will be waiting along time.

and in modern culture I think a text also counts!

It's my family who keep doing these little things for DH and his mum and sister. Each time they arrive empty handed and never say thanks afterwards. My parents have never complained but it just makes me wish they would just show a token of thanks in a small way - just a thank you afterwards

I would double down and say thanks via a written note and bunch of flowers or bottle of wine. If someone has gone to a big effort, I want to reciprocate with a little token of gratitude.
when my friend threw me a birthday party, (which I didn’t know about) I took her to have her nails done the next day.

God, I would say it's very English to send thank you cards. I live in a country now where it would be weird and my Spanish DP thinks the English thank you cards, flowers etc are a bit much and it's normal to say thank you on the night and that's it.

so they don't bring anything, they don't say thank you at the time and they don't say thank you afterwards?

Not sure where he was brought up, but that doesn't sound very English to me!

I would usually take wine/flowers/chocs when being invited to dinner (although to be fair, probably not to my mum and dad) and make a point of thanking thr host.
It is only sending a follow up text which I think is more optional.

Imagine going to dinner and not saying thank you for a nice meal

Well they're weird lol. English people very rarely arrive empty handed in my experience, always a bottle of wine at least. Also, not saying thank you on the night is just bad manners. Nothing to do with British/English culture. Cards and gifts afterwards are probably more common with the older generations. If someone was hosting a special dinner for me, and had gone to a lot of trouble, I probably wouldn't send a card/flowers afterwards, but I'd take some wine and flowers along on the night and say thank you at the end. I personally do think a thank you on the night is enough though.

Wouldn't you just order a card online, have it filled in with your words and send it direct to the recipient?! Who can be faffing about with stamps and the PO?

Your husbands family sound extremely ill mannered.

Tell your parents enough.

If your husband is defending them you can't be surprised🙄.

They are extremely ill mannered by most peoples standards.

They don't say thank you at all? They're rude

I think either option is fine. A sincere thank you on the night is sufficient, flowers or a card are lovely but not required. I'd probably send a text if it were me.

I send a thank you card whenever I'm invited to a dinner or party, plus flowers/wine for the host on the night.

My DGM bought us all sets of postcards with envelopes when we turned 18 so that we could thank hosts. It's stuck.

Then they don't want what's being done. You shouldn't be obligating someone to spend time/money, on a gift etc by throwing them a party. It's old fashioned, formal English to do anymore than give a thank you at the time.

Does the plant need another item that's going straight to recycling, manufacturing?

I think your DH is wrong - it is absolutely the right thing to do after such an occasion as you describe to write a card expressing your thanks

Do they say thank you at the time? Does your family expect a separate thank you from your dh and you?

I would say thank you on the night and would have taken along some alcohol and chocolates or flowers. I wouldn’t follow up afterwards, but equally I wouldn’t expect anyone to do this for me if I hosted them.

Personally, I don’t give to receive and I don’t want do ‘strings attached’ gifts or invites. No one ‘owes’ me anything other than being polite on the night or thanking me at the time. What if someone can’t afford to give back to you at that time? Surely it’s enough to be able to treat your family or friends because you CAN without anything in return.

I'd show up with some nice wine and chocs and be very vocal in my thanks. I wouldn't send a card after the even though. Feels too formal for me. I'd probably send a whatsapp message though.

I'd follow up with a thank you text. All my social circle would do the same. We also tend to text to acknowledge a nice time has been had and say thanks for a nice evening after social events no one had hosted (night out together for example) though, so would be very odd for us not to 'double thank' for a dinner party in our honour.

I'd send flowers and a card