Incontinence pads -AIBU not to give in yet?

[ghi]

When do you give in?

Small leakages, several times a week. There is no sensation of full bladder, or anything at all, just the sensation of a leakage happening. It has not shown through my clothes, ever, it is very small. But is it just a matter of time until I wet myself noticeably in public?

It is affecting my confidence.

AIBU to NOT start using incontinence pads? It feels like giving in, and admitting the problem is going to get worse. Or should I give in and admit the problem is going to get worse? I want to fight it, but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to fight - I can't tighten muscles to prevent it, it seems like my muscles just go paralysed for those few moments.

I am glad to hear of any other experiences and opinions.

YABU - You need the pads you silly woman, just go and get some
YANBU - No! Hold off! Don't give in!

Came on here to give advice, leaving after I got some!
The joys of Mumsnet.

Op, I’m not going to add anything but I wish you all the best! Sounds like a potentially rectifiable situation and if it isn’t, there is no need to feel alone. There are hundreds if not thousands of Mners with dodgy undercarriages.

how old are you? I was leaking during perimenopause and then stopped during full menopause and I second period pants.

Wish you all the best OP, glad you are getting some good advice

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I'm mid 40's and wearing the thin liner pads. I dribble when I cough, sneeze, laugh or carry things like a heavy shopping bag. I gave up going to the gym as it happens when I squat or lift weights. I'm up at least twice during the night and need to pee every hour or two which is a nightmare when out and about as I'm forever needing to find a toilet.

I spoke to my GP who just said it's part of getting old and I just need to put up with it, which I have been doing.

Period pants should work for these small amounts. You can buy them for light medium or heavy flow.
Also, do see a sympathetic doctor and get physiotherapy. best of luck.

Hi OP, do not allow yourself to accept this situation.

Go to the GP or specialist pelvic floor physio. After a initial consultation fee approx £60 every 12-16 weeks and they will help you identify your PF muscles & give you a plan to exercise, then will monitor you. Most have prices on their websites.

I am feeling pretty miserable at the mo. I don't want to crowd your post with my pity party but I used to run 4 times a week, walked everywhere. Now stuck at home. I can't get a dog as apart from 1st thing in the morning I need a wee every time I leave the house !
I WFH so that aids the isolation and it felt like I had to publicly humiliate myself to running acquaintances why I am no longer running 🙁

After 2 years of constant PF exercises and 2 chest infections, COVID and months of coughing it is now worse as I now have grade 2 prolapse. I am hopeful a trained PF physio next week can fit a pessary and my life will be back to normal. Stats are 80% success rate.

Use the pads for peace of mind but please do not accept this.

If specialist PF physio too expensive check the internet for tips to strength your PF muscles.

I’m in my 30s so it’s not an old age thing. I had 2 traumatic births so everything was a mess down there. I have been seeing a private pelvic health physio and she has been amazing!

I hate the way Tena market bladder leakage as (a) a joke and (b) a normal everyday experience for women.

You need to see a pelvic floor physio. You don’t have to put up with it.

Part of getting old! You're in your 40's not your 80's!
That GP sounds like a misogynist.

While seeking treatment, M&S period pants feel more dignified than pads and look just like normal knickers. Modibodi are good too. They just give you a bit of peace of mind and let you forget about it while you get it sorted.

OMG @YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan I am appalled by that GP. If that was happening to a man in his 40s I guarantee he wouldn’t have said that.

Please go back to a different GP.

Totally agree with this. Go back and get a second opinion. I have stress incontinence, after two large babies. I saw my gp who advised waiting until I'd decided I was definitely not having any more babies, but then as soon as I confirmed that he refered me both for Gynae physio (and my physio is wonderful) and a surgical consultation for a prolapse. There are absolutely things that can be done. Don't suffer if you don't have to.

As a side note, I cried most of the way through my first physio appointment because I'd absolutely repressed how much the incontinence was really bothering me and affecting the quality of my life, my relationship with DH and my time with the kids. It was an incredibly cathartic appointment, and I came away from it hugely reassured that it will get better.

OMG - that GP !! Pelvic Floor strengthening has been around years ! Even the Tena site is full of PF tips and "acceptance" of the situation suit them

just another thought full Tena pants are around £16 a packet for about 10! You are not at that stage but so expensive. I think GP can prescribe them on prescription.

GP may prescribe other things like oestrogen cream

Placemarking as this is me at 31 too, 2 years post partum.

I do Pilates and yoga every week, I’m fit and strong, I do my exercises, I’ve done lots of woman’s physio, I’ve been back to consultants privately, and honestly I am feeling hopeless.
I find exercising makes it worse, my kegal 8 machine too.

I am going to try cranial osteopathy next!

Another who recommends pelvic health physio (private if you can afford it) and period pants. I experience some stress incontinence which only affects me when I have particularly awful coughs or running - period pants have been a game changer for this.

Make a GP appointment, you don't have to live with this if there is something that can be done.

It's two different problems.

1. Should you wear pads for comfort rather than changing pants multiple times a day. Yes. It's not giving up, it's just practical and stops you panicking that you are going to have a worse accident. You are the only person that knows you have a pad in place and it's no longer just the giant elastic pants that are an option now, there are so many options-even worth trying period pants.

1. Should you give up and accept it's part of ageing? Absolutely not. Get support and don't accept any GP who says it's normal. There should be a continence nurse. They will assess your medication, what you are drinking and how much (tea/coffee and diluting juice can be diuretic), how often are you going to the toilet, when you are leaking, how are your bowels? People who are chronically constipated will often have a poorer reflex on when they need to pee or less control because the overfill bowel is pressing on the bladder and reducing volume. Sometimes they will do a post void bladder scan to see if you are fully emptying. Then pelvic floor PT can be absolutely life changing.

While you are waiting for all this practice double voiding..empty your bladder then stand up, then sit back down again and empty anything else that left, a lot of time that gets out some more.

I have washable liners from cheeky wipes. Bought about 10 when peri menopause and not wanting to get caught out with erratic periods.
They have one popper to attach around gusset. Still going strong. Saved a fortune in panty liners and none of the perfume/ irritation etc and makes knickers last far longer as they never get soiled. They had BOGOF recently too.

Don't get period pants, there are special incontinence pants that are perfectly fine for light leakage. Different fabric from period pants as volume and smell will differ. Pads are only necessary for more severe cases.

Agree with all other advice given by posters re physio etc.

I thought it was inevitable too because so many women suffer from it.

However, I felt the beginning of a rectocele last year so booked myself in immediately to see a private pelvic floor physio. Apparently my bladder was slightly prolapsed too.

Working with her and doing the pelvic floor exercises has not only fixed the rectocele but I noticed I was having far few bladder leaks. I no longer worry or need to wear liners 'just in case'.

By all means, use a liner for now but please get yourself to a pelvic floor physio. You have to be very consistent with the exercises to get the results but after a while it becomes second nature.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/PMSL-Literally-Pissed-Laughing-Survived/dp/1472977483

Would recommend this brilliant book to anyone unsure about whether to get help with incontinence.

I have a small bladder prolapse (at the grand age of 30!) and thought similarly to you - I’ll bury my head in the sand and fight it because I’m not old and infirm and incontinence is not something that can happen to me surely? It’s very minor etc. Until I had a coughing fit in Tesco and it wasn’t so minor. You get some really discreet ones, I usually wear the liners and not full on incontinence pads. They’re much more comfortable too - more so than wearing a sanitary pad.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of really, muscles weaken at different rates to each other.

I wouldn't recommend the denial route. You might end up smelling but you don't notice. My late mother choose this option and it wasn't great for the rest of us TBH.
I think you might benefit from vaginal HRT oestrogen pessaries. When I was going though perimenopause I was aware of odd bladder leakage sensation I'd never had before and the pessaries got me back on track and not leaking.

@theyoungishman @Divorcedalongtime which Perifit have you got please? There’s two on the website (one’s £119 and the other £170).