Having a baby when single?

[Supernova23]

Here for more traffic. I’m early 30’s. A couple of long term relationships, none have worked out. I am in the “giving up” phase now when it comes to finding someone decent. Biological clock is ticking. I have no financial need for a man. Own home, I’m a qualified medical professional that won’t ever be out of work, and I have excellent family support. Would I be unreasonable for going in alone? Any single woman have experience of this? Pros and cons?

This idea from some of the posters on here that the Op is selfish to want a baby on her own is utter utter nonsense.

There is no more evidence to support that a child needs a father than there is to guarantee that marriages won’t break down etc. i actually know 3 women who have had kids on their own via donors and all the kids are fine, loved, supported and well rounded kids.

OP, absolutely go for it and ignore the arseholes on here who think that the traditional nuclear family is somehow the only path- it’s utter bullshit in 2023!

Mate… obviously I’m not suggesting to put this role upon a relative that doesn’t want it. But believe it or not, some people enjoy having a special role in their child relative’s life. Some people like kids and enjoy spending time with them. If I didn’t have my daughter I would love to be invited to a Mother’s Day event for a child relative. If I have grandkids I would be absolutely honoured to do mother’s day things with them.

perhaps I have made an assumption about OP’s family’s willingness to be involved in her child’s life, but she did say her family was very supportive, so it’s not that much of a stretch that she might be able to find someone who is happy to receive a gift and spend the day with her child one day out of the year.

At least one :)

Hey OP,

I know it's not exactly the same but I fell pregnant accidentally when I was 34 and I split up with my BF when I was 6 weeks pregnant. He has never seen the babies, and I've never taken a penny from him in financial support. After we split up, he just stopped replying so I decided to go it completely alone from about 8 weeks pregnancy onwards.

As it turns out, I was pregnant with twins. And as it much later turned out, they're both autistic (one particularly has high needs). They're now 13 years old and it was singularly the best decision I have ever made.

Yes, it's been tough at times but being solely responsible for their wellbeing and being able to bring my children up in the manner that I want without having to compromise on parenting has been wonderful. We have a calm, relaxed household and my DC are just bloody lovely (although I may be a weeny bit biased).

I do actually have a DP - someone who had been a friend for years before the DC were born. My DC call him daddy, but they're well aware that there's a biological donor out there who made them. (In fairness, DS doesn't really understand but DD does).

You need to be well-organised and prepared, and to consider what will happen on the days when things don't go to plan - eg/you get a call because one of them is sick at nursery, school etc. What will happen if your shift runs late? And so on. I actually switched from a high-stress, long-hours job to self-employment. (They were born prematurely and had medical needs for a while, hence the switch).

It is difficult at times - god, I remember those sleepless nights trying to juggle two babies on my own!!! But the good times FAR outweighed the difficult times and I would do it again on my own, without question.

Someone I know (single, early 40s, good income) has just had a 2nd baby thru donor; both her children have same dad. It's done thru a business (overseas) and they have the dad's medical history.

This has zero appeal to me but she seems happy with her choices. One of her parents is an active grandparent.

I think the family support is key which you say you have. I have an acquaintance who did it but without the family support, and it has been a long hard road - especially as the DD has SEN. She was in her 40s when the DD was born and this followed years of fertility treatment. She has also been finding it d

Finding it difficult to field the questions from her DD regarding a dad.

Hi! Would you mind sharing how much this did cost? Thank you xx

These days so many men don't bother being dad's, we don't have to tolerate bad relationships so people leave. In a way it is a good thing. Nothing more damaging than toxic parents.

Sometimes a parent passes away and you're left with a rug pulled from beneath your feet. You manage though.

Going into it with the mindset of being solo, knowing you'll provide the best care and not be held back by another person? Sounds like a dream to me.

Have a think though, what's the likelihood of meeting someone etc. Although end of the day, you could have a kid and then you might break up or they can pass away.

Ultimately you'll have to explain to your kid in all scenarios about their father.

If he's not involved and a waste of space- need to support and explain
If he's dead - need to support and explain
If he's involved but is a waste of space - need to support and explain.
If he's involved but let's say an argument between you both upsets kid - need to support and explain.
If he's a donor - need to support and explain.

I guess as long as you support your child emotionally etc whichever way you choose all will be well.

Think about how many of us are damaged because our two parents didn't think to support and explain. The arguments we didn't understand but didn't get reassurance, the things we witnessed but didn't know if it was right or wrong, more often than not mum being the bad guy for wanting what is best (but not always) the dad who didn't protect and reassure if the mum was toxic etc. Both isn't always best. It's just an extra person's good and bad traits that can be picked up and carried on through life.

Been a lone parent for 14 years, I can tell you my life is a lot more peaceful than many posts you see on here about shit relationships.

If you go ahead I'll just say financial independence is the key, I opted for a live in nanny for 10 years who was and still is basically part of my family even though she left when my DD went to secondary school.

It just helped take the stress out of relying on family and the logistics of working around school times etc

I do now actually have a partner who doesn't live with us, it's been lovely having a positive male role model in her life but it's a nice to have, not a must.

I'd say go for it.

Why is it that nobody thinks 2 parents are a good thing anymore?
Granted, not all relationships work out, but why not at least try?
And single parenthood irs fine until there is an issue with your fabulous support network, or a change in job circumstances
Selfish

I know a few women who have used a donor and they are perfectly happy. Good luck x

My friend was conceived by donor, it was fine when she was younger, but she has real problems with it now unfortunately.
I wouldn’t recommend it.

What does this even mean? Of course its not the same risk?