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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Better to travel when your young or older?

96 replies

Mychildneverstopstalking · 24/04/2023 18:53

Chatting with a friend today and it got me thinking.
She fell pregnant (by accident) when we were at university and had her first child at 21, she’d had two more by her mid-late twenties.
I had my dc at age 40 (infertility, wasn’t really the plan)
We’re both now mid 40’s.
I travelled the world, lived abroad and spent my 20’s & 30’s making a career, but also going to so many new places, having so many new adventures etc.
She said because she had her children young, in the next five years or so, her and her Dh will be travelling the world and doing everything they missed out on, which is fantastic.
However, when I think of travelling the way I did then…months in Australia with my bestie, boat trips and dodgy places in Thailand, driving around Morocco and all around Europe, crazy bars in New York, open top roof parties in Goa etc..I wouldn’t be the same now, I wouldn’t have anywhere near as many adventures as I’m far more cautious and much more boring in comparison 🙈I was free and fun and gorgeous and slim (I’m not now! 😂)
She was saying it’s better to do it the way they’re doing it now as now they can have all this fun..but tbh, I don’t like travelling in the same way as I did when younger, I still love to see new places, but I was obsessed with travelling when young and it was my favourite thing to do.
Which is better, travelling when younger or older?

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 24/04/2023 20:20

Traveling in your teens/twenties is amazing but your friend missed out on that opportunity and is looking at the positives that she can do it in her 40s instead. At least she is able to do it now and is still many years before retirement.

JazbayGrapes · 24/04/2023 20:31

older. more money. and safer.

UsingChangeofName · 24/04/2023 22:54

In your 40s and 50s however, not many people can take enough leave in one go (especially if you are having to co-ordinate with your partner, or travel buddy) to be able to do more than a standard 'holiday' though.
I'd say you need a month at a time, minimum, to "go travelling".

Fireyflies · 24/04/2023 23:16

I'd say to go whenever young if you have the chance. I did a bit of travel when young, but not as much as I'd have liked as I had no money and then kids quite young. Now I do have money but life still seems to be in the way - a job I'm enjoying, young adult kids still at home and still need me sometimes, a DH who isn't into long travel plans. In a few years maybe I'll retire or leave my job, and for some in, but who knows - health or elderly parents, or grandchildren or something could get in the way.

superplumb · 25/04/2023 08:06

I plan on travelling a lot when I retire. I'll have the money behind me to stay in nice places. Even when I was young I never wanted to stay in grotty places. I was also too immature and not really streetwise, too trusting when I was late teens early 20s. Horses for courses really
Hopefully I can retire mid ish 50s so I'll still be able to

Aria2015 · 25/04/2023 08:34

Younger! I travelled loads in my 20's. I was less cautious, I was willing to slum it and although I valued money, I wasn't bogged down thinking about mortgages and pensions so spent it more freely!

Also, I think the risk with waiting until you're older is that you don't know what kind of health you'll be in. That didn't even cross my mind it my twenties.

Having said all this, I think travelling at any age can be a wonderful experience and if I get the chance to go again when I'm older I'll be delighted!!!

CordyLines · 25/04/2023 08:50

Did all the mad things when in my twenties. It's a different vibe now that I am retired but it is just as enjoyable if not more so. Plenty of money to go and stay in very nice places, don't need to stay out till all hours, can pay for private guides and so on. Can travel during school terms for as long as I want and so on.

If I were to choose, I'd say right now is the best for me. I had a ball when younger but I didn't realise how good it was if you get me! Just went with it and not having much money led me to do some very dubious things such as staying in flea pits and so on. But you don't care when you're young. However it is so much nicer now that it's not partying and hangovers every day and you get to SEE things rather than just wondering where the next get together will happen.

Both times of life have their moments. Older is better for me though.

Malarandras · 25/04/2023 08:52

People don’t always get a choice, it depends on how life works out. I had my kids young so did no travelling but I will be doing plenty in a few years when the kids are older, planning on taking them all sort of places!

Dithyramb · 25/04/2023 08:58

Definitely both! I will never again travel the way I did in my late teens and 20s, where I was happy to head off with a backspace and fifty quid and the vague (pre-mobiles and email) promise of a floor in Budapest or Boston, where my tolerance for discomfort was high, and I was ok sleeping in parks or on trains, and being permanently hungry. Now I like being able to stay somewhere beautiful and not have to rely on free entry days at art galleries.

Like you, OP, I will be 58 when DS is 18, and I’m looking forward to more freedom then too, but I absolutely wouldn’t have missed those early ventures.

Milksheikha · 25/04/2023 09:07

From birth to death. My parents took us all over the world as children and teens. I made my own way round in my twenties and thirties and I take my own kids everywhere now .
In my 20s, I'd often easyjet somewhere with a pal at very short notice. Literally we'd text each other and pick a cheap flight and go that night or early next morning. Didn't book any accommodation in advance and winged it all.
My sister and I went through India for about 6 weeks and stayed in some seriously awful places. My mum didn't even recognise us when we got back we'd both got so thin.

I still don't plan far in advance would never turn up without a hotel booked.
The Internet has made travel so much easier.

Anonymouseposter · 25/04/2023 09:20

I agree that you have to play the hand you’re dealt , you will get different things from travelling when young and in your 40s. People have different tastes and interests too. As someone who is older I would caution against putting things off too long. I wouldn’t put all your extra money into paying off your mortgage early in the hope of travelling when you retire. You don’t know how long you’ve got and you don’t know how your health will be when you’re 65. I think my 40s would have been the best age for me to travel but I was busy with work and kids at that stage.

Panda89 · 25/04/2023 09:39

I wasn't really interested in travelling when I was younger (outside of holidays!) as I've always liked comfort/nice places to stay and couldn't really afford that. Never been into partying and I'm also an introvert so mass accomodation never appealed to me.

We had DD when I was 26 and DH was 23, so will be 41/44 when she is 18 and now we have a good amount of disposable income! Our plan when she is 18 is to travel following the Formula 1 for a season. Would never have been able to afford that when I was teen/twenties.

funinthesun19 · 25/04/2023 09:52

Both have their pros I guess. There’s no right way of doing it. I didn’t travel when I was younger and had my children in my 20s. I’m absolutely fine with that.

I like the thought of when I’m older it will be calm when I travel and it won’t be wild.

I’d be happy and content if I was your friend, just her and her DH travelling to lots of nice places and taking it all in. It’s a different kind of travelling. I doubt at their age their objective is to seek out dodgy places and join roof top parties 😂. I might be wrong though.

wrinkleintime · 25/04/2023 09:56

I prefer it now because I can afford better accommodation and food 😂 I didn't really rate the rough and ready travelling experience. I had a good time but travelling with my DH now is much better.

justlurkinghere · 25/04/2023 09:59

I've done like your friend. I prefer middle age travel. I appreciate it so much more now, I know so much more about the world so have a greater appreciation for the significance of places than I would have in my 20s. I didn't have any desire to travel in my 20s either.

londonrach · 25/04/2023 10:00

Neither is better, just different...it's like comparing chocolate and apple s...... Sounds like you both has fun traveling

Blamunge · 25/04/2023 10:01

Do it when you’re young, fit and healthy. You don’t want to be backpacking round Peru with a huge bottle of oestrogen gel because you’re menopausal. Or trying to get a prescription in rural Vietnam because you lost your blood pressure pills. Or struggling to walk round the pyramids with a gammy knee. It happens much sooner than you think! I thought I’d be fit and well until maybe 70 but in actual fact childbirth and menopause fuck you up by 45.

justlurkinghere · 25/04/2023 10:04

Blamunge · 25/04/2023 10:01

Do it when you’re young, fit and healthy. You don’t want to be backpacking round Peru with a huge bottle of oestrogen gel because you’re menopausal. Or trying to get a prescription in rural Vietnam because you lost your blood pressure pills. Or struggling to walk round the pyramids with a gammy knee. It happens much sooner than you think! I thought I’d be fit and well until maybe 70 but in actual fact childbirth and menopause fuck you up by 45.

I'm almost 50 and having all sorts of adventures without medication or bunged up knees. I don't think I know anyone younger than 50 with those kinds of issues.

Alltheusernamesaretakennow · 25/04/2023 10:04

I was fortunate enough to backpack and have lots of adventures in my 20s, didn't have kids etc until mid 30s.

I met a lovely Kiwi in Africa who had already travelled through South America, South East Asia etc. When I asked if he planned to do Europe, he said he was saving that for when he was older and could do it in luxury.

That summed it up for me - Europe is less challenging/exciting, yet full of culture etc, but easier to travel when older and want to visit in style. So probably depends on where you want to go.

justlurkinghere · 25/04/2023 10:06

One thing I would love to do is parts of the PCT and AT in the US. I didn't have the inclination when younger but now, I'd jump at the chance. I don't see it ever happening though.

sadienurse2 · 25/04/2023 10:07

I've done both, and I agree with a pp that it's swings and roundabouts. I had my dc relatively young and really enjoyed travelling with them. It seems on MN travelling with young dc is a nightmare but ours were easy going and we weren't partiers anyway.
I started travelling again in my 40s and I appreciate a lot more that I didn't when I was young. Architecture, history, even just a view I can take in in a different way. There's no right or wrong way to do it.

RecycleReuseRemind · 25/04/2023 10:12

I love travelling !

I have never had a gap year, so far

The longest time that I have had to travel so far is one month per year (due to work commitments)

I believe that any age is right to travel, young, middle, elderly

An older person once told me, to travel when you are young & healthy (he & his wife were in poor health)

Do what you enjoy !

I hope to travel lots more when I retire

xogossipgirlxo · 25/04/2023 10:12

I'm not adventurous person, so dodgy places etc. wouldn't work for me. Having children very young and catch up with life later on wouldn't work for me either, so I guess I'm somewhere in the middle?

Deadringer · 25/04/2023 10:13

If circumstances allow for you to do it when you are young that's great, but here's something to be said for both scenarios. Dd is going inter railing this summer, looking at her plans it all looks so exciting that I have decided I will do it myself in a year or two. I will stay in nice hotels rather than hostels but I am sure I will enjoy it just as much as if I was 'slumming' it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/04/2023 10:16

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · Yesterday 18:59
JayAlfredPrufrock · Yesterday 18:58

See the world through young eyes if you can.

When still full of hope.
Wow, you’re a ray of sunshine.

You can be middle age and older and still have hope and wonder and adventure”

This. I appreciate new experiences far more now than I did when young.

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