To have felt sorry for this woman?

[Sapphire387]

We were out for lunch today.

There were three couples at the next table. One of them had a very young baby... a newborn. Over the space of a couple of hours, I watched the mother try and juggle the baby along with eating her food, assisted at times by the two other women in the group. This included taking the baby off for changing, walking it around, taking it outside when it was fussing too much. She did breastfeed, but obviously not the whole time.

The three men in the group sat there drinking beer and eating in peace. By the end, they were even watching sport on one of their phones while the women continued with the baby. Not one of those men held the baby or lifted a finger. I don't think I am normally so observant of others but... it was really noticeable, the difference.

Literally what the fuck? Felt so sorry for her. DH and I have older kids and we consider ourselves equal parents. I am pregnant so perhaps this makes me more sensitive to it, but I really wanted to say to them - and specifically the father - what the hell are you playing at?

Someone please tell me this isn't normal/ok? Seriously depressing.

It annoys me though, when dads are out with the kids and either get praised or belittled by others (often women) about their parenting skills. Either way, it's reinforcing that the role of childcare is primarily women's.

Being exhausted and sleep deprived interfered with my judgement and ability to deal with things. I was head down in survival mode.

The other women in this situation were doing her no favours normalising that. And probably enjoying a hold of the baby without thinking twice about it.

I left dh for a weekend break and mil and sil’s swept in to help the poor man ffs.

What stood to me was that my df and gf were absolutely hands on equal opportunity parents who respected women. My expectations were very high, and dh would have had to refuse rather than offer. And when we visited my family my df was quick to take a turn and show concern for us as new dps. But even with all that, I carried the lions share.

I don’t think women stuck in that situation should be held responsible for training men to be decent humans. Although it might be helpful to talk about it more.

This is awful, I hope you are not excusing this kind of behaviour?

You also keep repeating that the dad might not have been there.

Possibly, but unlikely. I think this is clutching at straws. It looked like a group of couples to me.

Well, I know it's not a race to the bottom, but I've seen worse.

A husband who actively heckles and interferes with what my friend is doing with the children. Nothing she does is good enough or right. He's very rude to me/other friends too if we do (perfectly normal) things with the baby.

Thankfully she's thinking of leaving him.

This is one of many reasons I despise my BIL, the lazy selfish cunt. I've actually seen DSis ask him to take his turn with the baby and he's just leaned back and said cheerily, "Nope!"

I always remember sitting in the airport with the flight delayed as DH and I dealt with fractitious children. Across from us was what I thought was a lone mother dealing with 3 very young fractitious children. I was just about to leave DH with our two and offer her some help when the flight was announced. At that point it became clear that the man sitting next to them calmly reading the newspaper was actually with her. He had totally ignored it all as if it was nothing to do with him.

Sigh..... Yeah maybe......

This reminds me of my husband. He complains we don't go out any more to pubs for family meals. But I now refuse. As he just sits there, beer in hand and eating his dinner, acting as tho he's not with us. I'm dealing with the kids. Keeping them amused, taking them to the toilet etc. When they were babies/toddlers, i fed them, took them outside if fussy etc.

Gosh, this reminds me of my husband. I'm rounding kids up, dealing with them, keeping them amused on public transport etc. He acts as tho he's not with us. Annoys me no end.

@Thomasthetankenginedrivemearoundthebend I am sorry to hear that. I would question why any woman would want to stay with such a selfish man.

More fool the women for letting them away with it.

More fool any women who enables this shit.

You can't always change someone though. Sometimes it is a case of put up with it or leave.

When we used to go out and eat. Kids dad would get his meal sit there enjoying it with no care in the world. Whilst I was sorting the kids for their meal cutting it etc making sure they had a drink . When I pointed it out to him. His reply was his food will get cold

I agree it's not

Do you actually know one of the men was the baby's father?

Perhaps 2 of the men were a couple and 3 of the women?

People don't change.

So why stay in a relationship with them when you know that's what they're like?

Why not end it before kids?

But then folk, say, oh he did change. He was perfect before kids and then changed.

So men can change? If they weren't selfish pricks pre kids they can change back to not being a selfish prick.

If they won't, then yeah. Leave.

Don't bring your kids up to think its acceptable and repeat the cycle.

No not normal here or among anyone in my friend group.

I'd leave.

But I likely would've left before children or at minimum 1 child. I'm always surprised that these men often seem to have multiple children.

When I had my second baby, my in laws came to visit and stay with us. The baby was then about a month old. Up to that point, my husband had not changed a nappy or done anything for the baby. I was on maternity leave and didn’t mind doing for her. Well the in laws arrived and guess what happened? He was suddenly running around, changing her, fixing bottles and making me look like a lazy sloth. His mum is very old-fashioned in her thinking and I could see her disdain for me. That pissed me off to no end and yes, we are divorced.