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Original poster

Out at a part last night-mean girls vibe

97 replies

Sunflowersshine · 23/04/2023 18:36

hi, I’m not sure if I’m being to sensitive but I’m 36 I went out with work mates last night to a colleagues birthday party.

we were all drinking having a good night dancing. Now last night I let my hair down. Unlike work we’re I have to be professional I was more my funny giggly self dancing. 2 of the women kept watching my every move taking photos of me drunk. ( I wasn’t harming any one just dancing with friends)

towards the end of the night I felt like I had reached my limit so ordered a pint of water from the bar. Drank it and carried on dancing. I went back and got some more water. When I sat down one of them said to me what are u drinking I said water. I went back dancing with my friends. And I caught one of them moving my water away. Then the other got up and went to the bar.

m she came back with a pint of alcohol (I had stuck to vodka lemonade all night) but not pints. Clearly this was in the pint glass this time. I sat at another part of the table talking with people. And one of the ladies said here’s your water! I said thanks but I could see it wasn’t water.

I got back up asked for some more water st the bar sat down, she then proceeded to say drink this first. Because I had a drink I was angry but I didn’t want to cause a scene. So I said that’s not water. She then said oh it was so and so who got you it.

I felt very betrayed like they were taking the mick out of me.

I got a lift home straight away. I just feel like it was malice in it. If I’d of drank that pint I would of been floored. Why would they do this. 2 of them are in early 20s but the one who kept trying to get me to drink it is the same age and we have worked together for years. 😔

OP posts:
ParkrunPlodder · 23/04/2023 19:13

PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 19:07

They deliberately spiked your drink. That's reprehensible behaviour. I would make it known far and wide, at work, exactly what they did. Someone else might be on the receiving end of their malicious behaviour on the next night out.

I agree. If I was your manager or HR op, I would want to know. If it was at an offical work function it would be a must to say really but a social occasion that happens to be arranged between people who work with each other is a little more blurred. Was everyone on the same line (as it were) on the reporting structure in your work? Did the other (lovely) work colleagues spot it happening at the time to back you up?

SinnerBoy · 23/04/2023 19:18

PollyAmour · Today 18:39

It sounds like they wanted to see you get absolutely wasted so they could film it for shit and giggles. Well done for moving onto pints of water and refusing the alcohol.

Yes, that was what sprang to mind for me, too. They sound like a poisonous pair, who would think it was genuinely amusing to get a woman into an incapable state, with all the reports we see at the moment?

I'd try to distance yourself from them as much as you are able, though you are stuck at work with them.

Original poster
Sunflowersshine · 23/04/2023 19:18

Ladies I am one of the managers DaffodilConfused

OP posts:
PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 19:22

Then speak to HR.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 23/04/2023 19:23

They were nasty bitches, I think PP has it right in that they wanted you to embarrass yourself. I think you should make it clear to them that you did not appreciate them spiking your drink, if they deny it just respond and say 'no I watched you do it' and leave it at that. If it was actually a works night out then you can add that you do not expect to hear about them behaving like that on any future works nights out.

TeapotElephant · 23/04/2023 19:25

You should say something. You could have been really hurt, that amount of alcohol can cause damage.

They’re nasty. I’d be demanding to see them delete all the photos too. Was it an official works do? If so I’d be making a complaint.

DrManhattan · 23/04/2023 19:30

Urghh what horrible cows. As if they tried to spike a colleague for their own entertainment. Be glad you aren't a nasty person like that. Absolute dickheads

blahblahblah1654 · 23/04/2023 19:31

That's sick. If you can bring it up to someone higher up please do. They shouldn't get away with that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/04/2023 19:32

YouWithoutEnd · 23/04/2023 18:42

Hang on a minute, imagine if two blokes did this, it would be considered to be far more sinister than it’s being portrayed to be in these comments.

These women were effectively spiking you.

I was going to say this. I would personally go and have a talk with HR and follow up with an email. Who knows how you’d have got home? You also need to get the videos they took.

ParkrunPlodder · 23/04/2023 19:38

PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 19:22

Then speak to HR.

I agree. If you are manager and they are not also managers then it is a work issue. You would not be fulfilling your responsibilities as a manager if you left it, IMO.

Equally , if you were not a manager and they were, it would definitely be a work issue. If you were both on the same line in the organisational structure then in my opinion it is still a work matter but others might disagree.

iklboo · 23/04/2023 19:38

I'd be speaking to HR. I know it was outside work but this was deliberate 'spiking'. Malicious.

winterchills · 23/04/2023 19:40

Nasty bitches cant stand people that do sly stuff like that! Make sure you speak to them when ur back at work and let them know you know what they were up to!

TwistAgain · 23/04/2023 19:43

I agree with other posters, that’s really disturbing. It doesn’t seem like they had good intentions. I’m really glad that you realised.

Greatdomestic · 23/04/2023 19:44

Def speak to HR about this.

Previous posters are right, if this were x2 guys who had done this, you wouldn't be hesitating.

I think they will now be in damage control mode. They know that you know what they did.

Speak to HR first thing. Do not have a conversation with either of them alone or respond to any communication from them.

Tell HR exactly what happened, the photos etc. I'd be considering a formal grievance as they could gave put your health and wellbeing at risk.

Do you have an HR department?

I hope that it goes well for you.

dapsnotplimsolls · 23/04/2023 19:45

I'd ask HR for advice about what to do. I suspect the older one was trying to be 'in' with the younger ones.

Rogue1001MNer · 23/04/2023 19:47

I wouldn't speak to HR unless it was a work event.

But I like this from @EllenLRipley:-
I'd bring it up at work
"What was the plan on Saturday then, when you bought me a pint of vodka and lemonade and pretended it was water?"
If you get no response I'd say "I assumed there was an explanation rather than the usual spiking and date rape reasons, but you've nothing to say for yourself"

and I'd have been LIVID at being filmed. But I hate having my picture taken

Blueisthecolour1 · 23/04/2023 19:48

Seriously these women are to be avoided in the future at all costs. They wanted to see you in a bad state. They are not your friends, & they do not want the best for you. I’d not be going near them again with a disinfected bargepole.

Grumpypotamus · 23/04/2023 19:51

Nasty bitches, they just wanted to film it. I’d confront them. Imagine if it had been men doing this to a woman. It’s the same thing, they need to know this.

Delatron · 23/04/2023 19:54

Defintely speak to HR - they were trying to spike you. You would not accept that from make colleagues. I’d have been furious the minute they started taking photos - and I’d have asked them to stop right away. You need those photos/ videos.

If you’re the manager then you come
down hard on them. They clearly have zero respect.

Delatron · 23/04/2023 19:54

Male colleagues

Original poster
Sunflowersshine · 23/04/2023 19:54

I can't really speak to HR it was a bunch of us from work but at a party for some one not a work function if that makes sense.

I've already confronted one. And I speak to others tomorrow at work.

The spineless one I have confronted denied it all but I know she will warn them!

Those women who did that to me I champion at work I'm all for women supporting each other. Aside from them. I work with some amazing ladies and we have each others back.

Thanks for your support.

OP posts:
User2538309 · 23/04/2023 19:55

Appalling behaviour. You are not overreacting.

ailsamaryc · 23/04/2023 19:57

Used to get this when I didn't drink. But you can tell it's not water, even vodka has a taste when you don't drink, despite what people say

GP75 · 23/04/2023 19:59

Go and speak with HR tomorrow, tell them what happened, this is unacceptable 💐

Nevermind31 · 23/04/2023 20:00

I would speak with your manager and potentially HR about this.
it did not happen on company time, but these are your colleagues - you might have to be concerned about their behaviour in other settings too

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