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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at some pathetic woman in the supermarket

106 replies

jimbobsmum · 16/02/2008 00:30

I was in the supermarket this morning with my ds (22 months). He was sat in shopping trolley 'reading' a picture book of farm animals. As we went around he was signing animals he knew and grunting animal noises. He enjoys watching something special(cbeebies) and has picked up lots of signs on his own - I don't teach him. One excuse for a human being tapped me on the shoulder and with a disgusted look on her face and disgusted manner in her voice asked if he was deaf. I wanted to slap her across her face and tell her to mind her own f'in business. I didn't of course but I know already I wasn't being unreasonable for wanting to I just need to rant so that I can sleep.

OP posts:

moondog · 16/02/2008 11:48

Gosh Jimbo, are you sure she was asking in a sneery way?
Maybe she was just genuinley interested?
If so it was a wonderful opprotunity to tell her more about signing.

pagwatch · 16/02/2008 11:52

Have to add that i have been blessed with one of those slapped arse faces
I remember DS1 saying to me when he was about 6 " mummy it is such a shame about your face" when asked why he said " because you look cross but you are so lovely. I tell all my friends you are not really scarey" .
DH reckons that three years with DS2 not sleeping, coping with very severe ASD and the general worry just stamped itself on my face and I just have to remember to smile whenever I can.
It wasn't me though !

jangly · 16/02/2008 11:55

I think I would have engaged her in conversation to find out a bit more.

mrsmalaprop · 16/02/2008 12:14

Hello LottieJenkins!

I thought I might find you here!

I am thrilled that so many children sign these days. My ds's nursery recenty put BSL lessons on for other parents and chidren at the nursery just so my ds felt more part of things. The staff sign with all the children now. It makes him feel just like everyone else.

I have a good friend who's ds was born at the same time as mine and she taught him sign from as soon as my ds was diagnosed so that they can commumicate. He picked it up faster than my ds and it was brilliant for him when he was very small. I would really recommend it.

Just to refer to the OP, I am asked that question all the time for obvious reasons and I am happy that people are interested. I can't say that anyone has ever been unpleasant about it. More often that not I am told by well meaning people 'not to worry because things can be done these days', which is not strictly true - there is nothing 'wrong'with him and he can't be 'fixed', but people are extremely positive and lovely usually. I am sorry that you felt attacked for doing something so great with your child. Well done for teaching him.

yurt1 · 16/02/2008 12:23

ha ah yes I thought that too nmc just didn't dare say it

yurt1 · 16/02/2008 12:25

oh Christie- do carry on talking to parents when out and about. People who make it clear they 'get it' when we're out and about can be lifesavers sometimes.

dilbertina · 16/02/2008 12:33

my dd loves "something special" too....I've just discovered though that she thinks she's going to get a wheelchair when she starts big school. (No, she has no need of one.)

FioFio · 16/02/2008 15:16

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Message withdrawn

Original poster

jimbobsmum · 16/02/2008 16:18

Thanks everyone. she was definately being just ignorantly nasty as when she asked "Is he deaf" I replied not deaf just bilingual (very calmly and politely). she then said in a nicer tone oh that's alright then he's not one of them after all .

Definately just ignorance or perhaps we should feel sorry for her she may have had a very traumatic experience with a 21 month old baby boy who was deaf before!!!!

OP posts:

hatrick · 16/02/2008 16:24

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hatrick · 16/02/2008 16:25

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hercules1 · 16/02/2008 16:27

In that case jimbo I would assume that she suffered from a mental health disorder of some sort rather than being a 'pathetic woman'.

yurt1 · 16/02/2008 16:30

oh we've had that before 'look Mavis there's another one' but she didn't talk to us directly, and tbh I don't think she was being nasty as such I think her and Mavis were a bit shocked to find themselves in such close proximity to two learning disabled children in one day.

It does still sound like it could have been a misunderstanding. It would be very odd to be so offended by deafness.

hatrick · 16/02/2008 16:32

This reply has been deleted

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coppertop · 16/02/2008 16:38

The tone of voice can make a big difference IME. I have no problem with people asking "Are you deaf?" but I'm afraid people who snap "Are you deaf or something?!" tend to get a vey sarcastic reply from me.

lottiejenkins · 16/02/2008 16:40

I find it hard when people either shout or speak ridiculously slowly at my ds! I know they think they are helping but he can lipread very well!

dinny · 16/02/2008 16:41

agree, hatrick

yurt1 · 16/02/2008 16:45

I have the opposite problem lottie - people (especially doctors) using loads of language with my son- I watch it whizz by its target meaningless.

needmorecoffee · 16/02/2008 16:48

people speak slowly to my dd too. She's not deaf but in a wheelchair. I explain she can't speak because she has cerebral palsy so they then speak very loudly and slowly.
And then say 'such a shame, least she has nice hair.'
I'm forever explaining that having cerebral palsy and being in a wheelchair does not make one stupid or deaf.
I can do BSL. Don't use it with dd though as she understands English but it does come in very handy across a supermarket to sign I need something else for a child retruning down an aisle from something I've sent them for

needmorecoffee · 16/02/2008 16:49

Agree there too yurt. When I tell people dd is of 'normal' intelligence they then whizz away. Have to be reminded she is not yet 4!!

lottiejenkins · 16/02/2008 16:50

A very special friend of mine who sadly is no longer alive{sad} used to sign, when we worked together in a school dining room it was very useful! Saved our voices no end!

morningpaper · 16/02/2008 16:51

I would assume that she knows someone who is deaf - I don't think most people 'recognise' a few bits of sign-language do they, without
a bit of experience?

I think if you are keen to teach him to respect 'different types of children' you need to respect 'different types of adults' too

needmorecoffee · 16/02/2008 16:53

I'm still pondering 'the special show'
Disabeld poeple usually loathe being called 'special'.
I have a sticker on my wheelchair that says 'don't you special me!'
We ain't special, we're just people

apart from me of course. I am special.

hercules1 · 16/02/2008 16:57

My god, someone else who hates that word 'special'! I would love to see the 'special' of sen to be replaced with 'specific educational needs'.

morningpaper · 16/02/2008 17:00

Special IS dreadful

it is going in my room 101 along with Gifted&Talented

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