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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if my (just) 13 yr old DS is immature or if this is the norm?

69 replies

rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 07:50

Namechanged for this as potentially outing.

DS, just 13, has been hanging out with new friends. Nice boys, happy for him etc. But when he's with them around me, he acts up towards me. Anything to make them laugh. Calling me 'bruh' 🙄. Managed to find a (mild) sexual innuendo in something I innocently said.

It's annoying as hell. He becomes a bit of a dick, tbh. I am sure it's from a place of insecurity, new friends, trying to impress and find his place. I totally get that. But I worry that whilst they laugh, it will become annoying to them.

I do sense him being a bit much with his friends. But I guess given he's my only boy, I have no idea if this is normal? If he's just a bit immature? And should I talk to him about it, or will that just make him feel even more self-conscious?

OP posts:
FrostyFifi · 23/04/2023 07:52

This sounds absolutely typical for boys his age.

Steakandquinoa · 23/04/2023 07:53

Yep, sounds like a teenage boy. You could tell him it upsets you when he speaks to yu like that, after friends have gone.

Xrays · 23/04/2023 07:54

Very normal I think. Sorry. It’s a horrible age for boys!

Ace56 · 23/04/2023 07:55

Yes very normal for all teenagers (girls too), but I’d definitely speak to him about it when you’re alone and tell him it’s not on.

Original poster
rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 08:05

Ok, good. Just wanted to know it's normal.

This might be my least favourite stage of parenting so far!

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 23/04/2023 08:08

I dont think it is normal, and I certainly dont think it is acceptable, and you need to pull him up on it, once his friends have gone

Jifmicroliquid · 23/04/2023 08:08

I was a teacher and I can confirm that 13 year old boys (and girls) are idiots when they get together with their friends.
Its a combination of showing off, wanting to fit in, not really knowing who they are yet and hormones.

Paternosta · 23/04/2023 08:11

Yeah pretty normal. My DD is 15 and still going through this annoying stage. There is light at the end of the tunnel though. DS17 now treats me like a human again! They get over it.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 23/04/2023 08:22

Concur, 13 year olds are idiots. They need correcting (after the fact if with friends in the first instance). Repeat offence, take them out in front of their mated.

ThatshallotBaby · 23/04/2023 08:23

When I give 13yo ds his tea he says cheers boss
Grin

WithyouFromDuskTilDawn · 23/04/2023 08:29

Boys that age can be dickheads but I don’t think this bit is common behaviour actually,

But when he's with them around me, he acts up towards me. Anything to make them laugh. Calling me 'bruh' 🙄. Managed to find a (mild) sexual innuendo in something I innocently said.

I think more commonly a group of 13 year old boys are quiet and polite but sometimes awkward in front of parents. They want to go and be dickheads without parents seeing.

Original poster
rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 08:30

Jifmicroliquid · 23/04/2023 08:08

I was a teacher and I can confirm that 13 year old boys (and girls) are idiots when they get together with their friends.
Its a combination of showing off, wanting to fit in, not really knowing who they are yet and hormones.

Ha! Yes, I think it's a combination of these things.

I will speak to him and tell him it's not acceptable. But I know he'll apologise and feel bad. But, I also know that it will happen again. Because of all those reasons @Jifmicroliquid mentioned will win out until he grows up a bit

OP posts:
Original poster
rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 08:31

WithyouFromDuskTilDawn · 23/04/2023 08:29

Boys that age can be dickheads but I don’t think this bit is common behaviour actually,

But when he's with them around me, he acts up towards me. Anything to make them laugh. Calling me 'bruh' 🙄. Managed to find a (mild) sexual innuendo in something I innocently said.

I think more commonly a group of 13 year old boys are quiet and polite but sometimes awkward in front of parents. They want to go and be dickheads without parents seeing.

That's interesting - I don't actually know any quiet 13 year olds!

OP posts:
Original poster
rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 08:32

Interestingly, he's extremely polite with other parents. So much so, I get random texts from parents saying so and how they've just bumped into Ds and how engaging and polite he is etc...so i don't think it's a default for him. I think it's group nerves

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 23/04/2023 08:33

I used to take a load of boys to rugby practise every week. This was typical - my son playing rude rap songs in the radio, etc etc, just trying to prove how cool he was and wind me up. He never did it when it was just us.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 23/04/2023 08:37

Just call him 'bruh' right back 😂

That's what I'm planning

AceofPentacles · 23/04/2023 08:38

Yeah just do it back to him it will be MEGA CRINGE and likely nip it in the bud .

ShoesoftheWorld · 23/04/2023 08:39

Normal enough per se, but still needs boundaries. I'd be making clear to him that he does not disrespect you around his friends. Mine have had their moments in this regard but know not to do this around outsiders.

WithyouFromDuskTilDawn · 23/04/2023 08:40

rainagainsthepane · 23/04/2023 08:31

That's interesting - I don't actually know any quiet 13 year olds!

Show quote history

I said quiet in a group situation in front of parents! Not quiet generally.

Although, of course some boys will be quiet. Bit silly to think they’re all the same.

Mangoflimtastic · 23/04/2023 08:43

I’ve got an 11 year old but if I get anything like this I would dress him down right there and then in front of his mates….. none of you have suggested this so is there some reason not to do it?

PonyPatter44 · 23/04/2023 08:43

It's a teenage boy thing. I worked with young offenders in the early stages of long prison sentences, usually for gang-based violence. In groups they could be absolute knobheads. However many of them, if you could get them on their own, would drop their "gangsta" image and be quite meek and polite.

Your lad is just trying to find his place among his peers. When he is in his group and is being Charlie Big-Potatoes, what do his friends do? Are they rude as well, or do they behave acceptably?

Singleandproud · 23/04/2023 08:46

The faux ganster/ roadman language is annoying. When I worked with KS3 students and they called me "bruv" I'd put on my best (appropriate) Ali G impression, proper cringworthness and told them they sounded as ridiculous as me they soon stopped.

AncientToaster · 23/04/2023 08:47

My DS called me Mummy Bruh after I objected to Bruh at that age. I always think people are allowed to be slight idiots at this age it’s the ones that don’t grow out of it that worry me.

User2538309 · 23/04/2023 08:48

Trying out new personalities and pushing boundaries. I think it’s normal.

I’m dreading this phase a bit, and trying to remember it’s just part of trying to find himself. I’d focus on the one on one time, preserving what sounds like a good relationship, and probably follow some of the toddler advice of ignoring the things you don’t like (within reason, the examples you have given sound irritating rather than cruel) and praising all the feedback you are getting from others about how lovely he is.

fourelementary · 23/04/2023 08:51

This is where the whole “it’s not big and not clever” stuff comes from. Highly recommend the book “how to talk so teens will listen” or that one that mentioned giving a ride “I hate you now take me and someone in the car” type title, cba checking right now but it’s a similar thing. Understanding teen stuff and why the do what they do helps gauge how best to deal with it.
FWIW, choose your battles… “bruh” isn’t really that big a deal to me- it’s not like he’s saying anything rude really. If it was something rude or he was using derogatory terms etc then by all means pull him up. If necessary I’d have a code word to avoid embarrassing him, discussed with him beforehand- so he knows if you say “okay Ben, settle.” That is a first warning…
The teenage years can be hard but try to be as least combative as possible but firm and fair boundaries… with a little stretch but not too much.

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