Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD13 accused of sending nudes wwyd

108 replies

Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 07:04

I’m totally heartbroken
another boy has accused my dd of sending nudes
she didn’t tell me she waited until I checked her phone
she denies this and said the only picture she sent she was in Shorts and jumper and was with a friend
I then read a message to ba friend she said that she wanted to die and a friend had sent it to him - I spoke to her again and she said that she didn’t want to get friend in trouble but she sent the picture - I asked if it was a more revealing picture - dd is adamant that there is no picture other than her in shirts and jumper with her friend. She sas this picture and incident was taken in December

this friend had form for sending private photos of dd (and other girls) to boys I also had the messages at the time and I that this particular group chat was sexual and I had removed dd from this and blocked the 2 boys

this girl is not a friend and iv been telling my dd that now iv told
her she will not allowed here or her to go there!

but how do I handle it this time as dd is denying anything else (iv explained I need her to tell so I can protect her and wouldn’t be angry) but I’m not sure she’s being honest now.
iv said she is only allowed to send or post pics of her face.
she said she can message the boy to ask him to send the pic that was sent as proof, but I’m not sure whether to make it bigger or not

to also complicate matters she said her friend sent from her account - so I’m questioning is she saying it’s this friend (who I know is completely untrustworthy)

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 23/04/2023 11:40

Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 07:26

She’s blocked the boy who accused her mow
she suggested contacting the boy she allegedly sent to to get him to send her the picture to show me what it was
which I want to do but don’t want it to get out of hand

Show quote history

If it is a nude it absolutely must NOT be sent again as that is a criminal offence.

Speak to CEOP or NSPCC for advice

JimnJoyce · 23/04/2023 11:41

@Bk1000 I've checked parental controls and cant see anything like the setting you describe. Could you elaborate please? It could be very useful.

ittakes2 · 23/04/2023 11:47

I suspect he is a bit of a prick and doing it to upset her. Making her doubt herself about what photos he has. Ie that her ‘friend’ sent something she is not aware of. Personally I would tell the school incase something happens in the future again and then leave it.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 11:51

ittakes2 · 23/04/2023 11:47

I suspect he is a bit of a prick and doing it to upset her. Making her doubt herself about what photos he has. Ie that her ‘friend’ sent something she is not aware of. Personally I would tell the school incase something happens in the future again and then leave it.

Well he’s been messaging her friend this morning saying he liked her but she’s up herself 🤦‍♀️ No mention of pics so sounds like a future charmer!

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 23/04/2023 12:03

And OP- we don't know your daughter, but tbh, parents have no idea who their kids are when they're at school either. If I'd a fiver for every time we've had to tell a parent something about their kids that they would have walked over hot coals to swear wasn't true, I'd be in the Maldives now not marking books.

This made me laugh (sorry I know it's a serious thread) and I checked how much a holiday cost (starts at £1547 with Tui) so if you do start charging, just over 300 times and you're there.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/04/2023 12:06

neverbeenskiing · 23/04/2023 10:34

DSL here. School aged children sharing sexually inappropriate images of one another is so much more common than most people think. It has become normalised to a worrying extent within this age group. I cannot overstate how much time is taken away from learning and providing direct support to students because staff are dealing with the fallout from social media issues that have occurred outside of school. We simply do not have the time or resource to "investigate" these issues and we are extremely limited in what we can actually do because it is parents, not schools, who determine how much freedom kids are allowed around technology.

It is definitely getting worse. I've been working with teenagers for over 20 years, but I've seen things on the phones of 11 and 12 year olds in the last couple of years that have genuinely shocked me. Parents need to check their kids phones because honestly most have no idea the kind of inappropriate and distressing content their children are being exposed to.

Your post has been ignored as has mine. Funny that, isn't it? Or possibly not.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/04/2023 12:09

PS @Bedhead22
Yes there are apps to fake photos.
Kids in secondary school are about a thousand times likely to be sending the real thing.

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 12:14

When my nephew was 13, a girl in his class sent a picture of herself topless (her face wasn't in it, only her boobs) to one of his friends. His friend was weirded out and showed a few friends, including my nephew, another friend took a screenshot. That friend sent the screenshot to other people in the class. They got the school liaison involved. His job was to get all the photos and screenshots deleted and to talk to all the students about not sending nudes, not sharing nudes, and not taking screenshots of nudes. The school liasion did an assembly with the class and brought some police officers in to talk about why sending nudes and distributing nudes was a big no no. It seemed to work in that my nephew said he didn't see or hear of any other nudes until a couple years later when they were being sent between girlfriends and boyfriends.

MissyB1 · 23/04/2023 12:36

maddening · 23/04/2023 10:37

No, I am pretty sure sending your own picture of yourself is not an offence, but sending other people's intimate pictures, particularly where the intent is to humiliate or harass is.

Show quote history

I’m afraid if you’re under 18 sending a nude of yourself is indeed against the law.

Dontknowwheretostarthere · 23/04/2023 12:50

I think there are probably a lot of parents who bury their heads in the sand and always blame someone else and refuse to believe their children are capable of sending such images, the majority of parents have no idea what their children are sending, receiving or distributing, it is a huge issue in schools and young girls are willingly sending intimate images and post inappropriate pictures of themselves to social media with a wide audience. I would be questioning why they think it’s appropriate to be sending such images of themselves. If they can’t use their phones appropriately, then they need their phones removed until they’re mature enough, this applies to both sexes.

Bjarnum · 23/04/2023 13:31

I think you should involve the police. It will send a strong message to these boys that this is not behaviour to be tolerated. And on the off chance she really has sent these pics it will remove the threat of her being blackmailed later and then really "wanting to die"

tinytemper66 · 23/04/2023 13:42

I would also speak to the safeguarding team at school in case this becomes an issue in school.

cabbageking · 23/04/2023 13:53

90% of girls and over 50% of boys 13 to 16 report being sent nude or semi nude images they did not want. It is child on child abuse and covered in schools often in PHSE even in primary.

Those who send and receive images may be victims and safeguarding and social media or phone abuse is rife in schools.

Speak to school to get to the bottom of the issue because we don't know how deep or broad it may go and if/when it may 're surface. Both sides of the argument may need to be safeguarded and educated.

Riapia · 23/04/2023 14:00

ste recently went to a hot tub party and wouldn’t allow pics of her in costume online so again it would be a big jump

Could this have been the source of the photo. A photo taken when she was unaware.

ididntwanttodoit · 23/04/2023 14:09

She said she was not nude. If this is true, there is no problem and she has nothing to be upset about. If she is upset, it is because it is not true - there is a nude (or at least revealing) picture of her out there and she is lying to you.

MissyB1 · 23/04/2023 14:12

Dontknowwheretostarthere · 23/04/2023 12:50

I think there are probably a lot of parents who bury their heads in the sand and always blame someone else and refuse to believe their children are capable of sending such images, the majority of parents have no idea what their children are sending, receiving or distributing, it is a huge issue in schools and young girls are willingly sending intimate images and post inappropriate pictures of themselves to social media with a wide audience. I would be questioning why they think it’s appropriate to be sending such images of themselves. If they can’t use their phones appropriately, then they need their phones removed until they’re mature enough, this applies to both sexes.

I agree with this.

SlippySarah · 23/04/2023 14:17

If they don't go to the same school I'd be tempted to involve the police. If you don't know him or his parents how has a 13yo girl met a random boy and exchanged numbers? I wouldn't get any further involved without including some kind of safeguarding authority.

WCRoulade · 23/04/2023 14:18

I am SO glad I was her age 17 years ago and not now.
Smartphones, camera phones, social media was just exploding when I was her age and the sorts of things we saw, chatted about and got exposed to would really give the MN pearl clutches something to clutch their pearls about!! And of course as it was so new our parents were much less tech savvy.

The most successful parents of teens will teach them how to keep safe rather than policing their every move forcing more lies and deception. She's going through puberty and learning about managing hormones, relationships and yes, sex.

Createausername1970 · 23/04/2023 14:32

It's sadly quite common. In my day it was "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" and was all a bit silly and forgotten about by teatime. Nowadays, with mobile cameras, it gets out of hand.

I would believe your daughter till proven otherwise. But stress to her the possible outcomes of doing this. This boy could forward a picture of her to anyone he wanted to. It might be illegal, and he might get into trouble, but thats immaterial, the photo exists and who knows who has a copy.

This isn't great, but if she hasn't done anything this time, then it might be a good learning curve to avoid anything more drastic in the future.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 14:40

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/04/2023 12:06

Your post has been ignored as has mine. Funny that, isn't it? Or possibly not.

Show quote history

chill - I have read all the posts and try to respond collectively

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 14:45

ididntwanttodoit · 23/04/2023 14:09

She said she was not nude. If this is true, there is no problem and she has nothing to be upset about. If she is upset, it is because it is not true - there is a nude (or at least revealing) picture of her out there and she is lying to you.

I know she is 100% not lying now from what I have seen and gathered this morning.
thank you to all who advised especially those managed to do so in a non judgemental manner I can’t tell you the difference it makes

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 14:48

Riapia · 23/04/2023 14:00

ste recently went to a hot tub party and wouldn’t allow pics of her in costume online so again it would be a big jump

Could this have been the source of the photo. A photo taken when she was unaware.

No she wore a t- shirt over her costume for this reason. From what I know now it sounds like he was being nasty to her and trying to upset her he is blocked

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 14:49

WCRoulade · 23/04/2023 14:18

I am SO glad I was her age 17 years ago and not now.
Smartphones, camera phones, social media was just exploding when I was her age and the sorts of things we saw, chatted about and got exposed to would really give the MN pearl clutches something to clutch their pearls about!! And of course as it was so new our parents were much less tech savvy.

The most successful parents of teens will teach them how to keep safe rather than policing their every move forcing more lies and deception. She's going through puberty and learning about managing hormones, relationships and yes, sex.

Well exactly this she didn’t want to twll
me about this boy because she didn’t want to lose her social media! Food for thought hey

OP posts:
AP5Diva · 23/04/2023 14:49

ididntwanttodoit · 23/04/2023 14:09

She said she was not nude. If this is true, there is no problem and she has nothing to be upset about. If she is upset, it is because it is not true - there is a nude (or at least revealing) picture of her out there and she is lying to you.

So you would not be upset if a rumour started going around your work that you had nude pictures on OnlyFans? And Bob from marketing was going around saying you’d sent him a personal invite?

We can only be upset by gossip that is true? I take it you have never been a victim of malicious gossip or bullying.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 14:51

AP5Diva · 23/04/2023 14:49

So you would not be upset if a rumour started going around your work that you had nude pictures on OnlyFans? And Bob from marketing was going around saying you’d sent him a personal invite?

We can only be upset by gossip that is true? I take it you have never been a victim of malicious gossip or bullying.

Show quote history

This! I can’t understand why some ‘grown ups’ can’t get their head around this.

OP posts: