DD13 accused of sending nudes wwyd

[Bedhead22]

I’m totally heartbroken
another boy has accused my dd of sending nudes
she didn’t tell me she waited until I checked her phone
she denies this and said the only picture she sent she was in Shorts and jumper and was with a friend
I then read a message to ba friend she said that she wanted to die and a friend had sent it to him - I spoke to her again and she said that she didn’t want to get friend in trouble but she sent the picture - I asked if it was a more revealing picture - dd is adamant that there is no picture other than her in shirts and jumper with her friend. She sas this picture and incident was taken in December

this friend had form for sending private photos of dd (and other girls) to boys I also had the messages at the time and I that this particular group chat was sexual and I had removed dd from this and blocked the 2 boys

this girl is not a friend and iv been telling my dd that now iv told
her she will not allowed here or her to go there!

but how do I handle it this time as dd is denying anything else (iv explained I need her to tell so I can protect her and wouldn’t be angry) but I’m not sure she’s being honest now.
iv said she is only allowed to send or post pics of her face.
she said she can message the boy to ask him to send the pic that was sent as proof, but I’m not sure whether to make it bigger or not

to also complicate matters she said her friend sent from her account - so I’m questioning is she saying it’s this friend (who I know is completely untrustworthy)

Hi

no she hasn’t? She’s been consistent it was her friend but originally didn’t tell me this as she didn’t want to blame said friend?

I aaked myself the same question but let’s be fair being accused of sending naked pictures is pretty scary whether you have or haven’t

she has been consistent in what she has said but of course I’m worried it may not be truth I was once a teenager myself! im Going to get advice from nspcc / police later

I think it’s weird it’s been said 4 months later too but also bearing in mind this boy asked her out, was told no abs then said this about her!

I agree.

I don't want to scare OP but the fact her daughter has also talked about a boy asking her for a photo (sexually explicit?) and she told him no, indicates she's in a context where it is happening.

And OP- we don't know your daughter, but tbh, parents have no idea who their kids are when they're at school either. If I'd a fiver for every time we've had to tell a parent something about their kids that they would have walked over hot coals to swear wasn't true, I'd be in the Maldives now not marking books.

If she hasn't sent any nudes then why is she worried? Does she think someone might have faked a nude? I think you need to have a chat with her and ask her to lay all the cards on the table. She can write it down if she finds it hard to tell you.

I aaked myself the same question but let’s be fair being accused of sending naked pictures is pretty scary whether you have or haven’t

It's ony scary if you've actually sent something you think could be considered an inappropriate photo. If the only photo is of your daugher in a jumper and shorts, then the reaction of "wanted to die" seems at unusual considering the photo sent, especially as she's confident enough to say no to other boys and told them she will tell.

i think it’s pretty scary if people are making stuff up about you - I know they was her first response when I asked her why she said she said that

to also complicate matters she said her friend sent from her account - so I’m questioning is she saying it’s this friend (who I know is completely untrustworthy)

How do you know her friend is completely untrustworthy?
If indeed her friend is sending private photos/videos of her and her friends, then surely you should be taking it up with this girl?
It’s the sending of inappropriate content here that’s the issue, not the person who received it, obviously if they distribute, it also involves them too.

I would just remove Snapchat and tell her it's not safe. And lock her phone down with parent type software.

13 is the age limit for most SM

I'm really sorry, but I'm struggling to understand. This problem is multi-faceted.

Are they nudes or not? If there isn't, I'd be attacking the problem full on. The rumour needs quashing. Are you planning on speaking to this girls mum?

I might also consider talking to school, HoY about the whole thing. To get the boys and this girl, a meeting with HoY might quash some of the general nasty rumours?

The main thing to address is why your daughter has such poor self-esteem and such lack of friendship guidelines that she can't grasp the fact that this girl is not nice and not a real friend . This is the area that needs your most attention.

I would believe my DD especially over the words of any bullies which is what that girl and boy are.

So this means your DD never sent any nudes. If there are any pictures circulating, then they are likely deepfakes created using her face and other photos to create what looks like a nude photo.

There is actually an app that is available that will take any photo of someone in clothes and create a fake nude photo of them. It’s based on the same AI for the apps that can show you with different hair, makeup, outfits and so on.

I would tell my DD that she is not to worry, if any images of her start to circulate she should try and get a friend to send it to her so you can then both go to the police and report the deep fake/revenge porn- which is actually child porn and extremely illegal. And reassure her she has done nothing wrong at all and that you will do everything you can to fight her corner.

You do need to contact the school and flag up that your DD is being cyber bullied by both the girl and the boy.

Most police districts will have school liaison officers who will, unfortunately , have a great deal of experience in dealing with these issues.
By this age a lot of pupils will have had school assemblies on this issue and if it hasn't been done I'd request it.
I wouldn't approach the boy myself and make any allegations. Your school should also be well aware of the issues and able to deal with it. Don't have any concerns about using the police .

I think there's possibilities to think about.
Firstly that one of the girls has sent a "nude"picture but not of themselves. So she is being totally truthful saying the only picture is shorts and t-shirt and he's being truthful in saying she sent one.
Another possibility would be it's a doctored photos with her face and someone else 's body. That's quite easy to do, I've done home pictures (not nude) like that.

but I think the big question is how the other girl sent it from her account. Does she have access to the account or did she take her phone. If it was on her phone then the picture should be saved somewhere I'd think.

In case anyone isn’t aware of these apps than can undress you and create realistic nudes of any woman:
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/deepfake-tool-nudify-women_n_6112d765e4b005ed49053822

There are even rankings of the five best apps to create deepfakes
https://contentmavericks.com/best-deepnude-app/

Wow didn’t know about these apps how awful!

My dd is guessing that this is the only picture he could be referring to as it’s the only one that was sent to the group chat! So it wasn’t sent in a suggestive manner to be fair. DD’s friend has form for sending stuff she’s rather wasn’t out there like dancing silly or pulling funny faces so wasn’t really a safeguarding issue befire.

dd’s main worry was having sc taken from
her and a rumour.
form our talk this morning it seems that she got into an argument with a boy and he retorted with least iv not sent nudes and then said he was getting another person involved, she then blocked him. I do believe her that she hasn’t sent anything.
we are going to chat about not engaging with people she doesn’t know and spend lots of time with rather than engaging with anyone online who she doesn’t have an established friendships with!

DSL here. School aged children sharing sexually inappropriate images of one another is so much more common than most people think. It has become normalised to a worrying extent within this age group. I cannot overstate how much time is taken away from learning and providing direct support to students because staff are dealing with the fallout from social media issues that have occurred outside of school. We simply do not have the time or resource to "investigate" these issues and we are extremely limited in what we can actually do because it is parents, not schools, who determine how much freedom kids are allowed around technology.

It is definitely getting worse. I've been working with teenagers for over 20 years, but I've seen things on the phones of 11 and 12 year olds in the last couple of years that have genuinely shocked me. Parents need to check their kids phones because honestly most have no idea the kind of inappropriate and distressing content their children are being exposed to.

No, I am pretty sure sending your own picture of yourself is not an offence, but sending other people's intimate pictures, particularly where the intent is to humiliate or harass is.

Do not get her to ask for the photo as proof she will be requesting for child porn even if it is of herself. Explain if she sends nudes she is distributing child porn

“Wow didn’t know about these apps how awful!”

It’s absolutely horrific and these apps are 100% legal and easily downloaded. Some even let you do a few pictures for free as part of a trial membership. There is no checking of the age of the boys/men downloading and using these apps.

This is what our daughters have to contend with in todays world, the utter misogyny of it is disgusting.

If you are going to allow pubescent children and sexually curious teenagers access to phones with cameras, webcams, chatrooms or whatever they’re called theses days and messaging services upon which you can instantly send photographs then you’re pretty much allowing and unconsciously encouraging such behaviours to happen. Personally I think all of the above should be banned for anyone under 16 possibly 18 and not only because they’ll spend their adult lives in an almost hellish circle of constant communication.

She could very well be telling the truth, especially if a photo hasn’t surfaced. Yes, kids do unfortunately send nudes, but that doesn’t mean this kid has.

if she’s rejected him before then he absolutely could be purposefully trying to upset her. You don’t need evidence to spread a rumour around kids, just ‘she sent me a nude’ would do it for those less interested in critical thought and more interested in salacious gossip. That’s still horrible for the DD, being accused of, and mocked for, something she hasn’t done.

It is! And someone mentioned about her being asked for pictures from another boy and it is a sad thing that’s the reality. I have seen the messages and she actually told him that it was no way to talk to a girl and that be should like her for her mind not body! He tried to apply some pressure but then apologised! She told me at the time she is helping his future wife by educating him ♥️

Since secondary school by dd knows some things I never would have until in my 20’s

At the same time, parents need to ensure young girls are aware of the consequences of sending sexualised and nude photos to boys, it happened a lot at my older child’s school, whilst scrolling through my child’s phone and looking on Instagram, I was shocked to see how many young girls were posting sexualised and almost nude photos of themselves. It’s important to teach girls self-respect whilst faced with misogyny. I think the question parents need to ask their daughters is why they need to upload these photos in the first place. I will certainly be educating my daughter.

Parents - you need to be educated on this.

You need to be educated as to how children are using phones and social media, what the consequences are (legal and social) of posting 'risky' content, how SM is used to bully/intimidate, how easy it is to lose control of anything you post (once posted anyone can take and manipulate it).

If as a parent you are giving your child a phone and SM access, you need to educate yourself so you can protect you child and support them when things go wrong. At the very least you need to know how to lock down access to apps and content that are not age appropriate. If you do not how how to do this then search on Google for instructions.

I've posted before about the hours wasted by primary school staff sorting out issues; this is affecting children's ability to learn, in many cases because parents are allowing their children free and unfettered access when they do not have the emotional maturity to deal with it.

Absolutely agree! As my role as a mother, it’s my priority to protect them from the negatives of social media and ensure they’re armed with the knowledge in how to deal with situations they may come across or experience. Personally, I feel too many children are given access to content which they aren’t emotionally ready for. I do feel for the teachers having to constantly deal with the fall-outs and negatives of social media use.